Training and growing up

A good 'slave' friend of mine and I were having a long chat recently. The conversation ranged over a diverse range of topics. Being a slave and living the life of a slave much longer than I have even known about this sort of thing, I give consideration to all that she has to say. She's a bright girl and she's thought long and hard about all these topics. She says she learns from me but I never walk away from a conversation from her feeling uneducated.

The conversation turned to 'obedience' and she was telling me that whilst doing certain daily tasks for her Master was difficult in the beginning, they have become simply the way she lives. She had been trained and she now felt no resistance to these rules and regulations. In fact, she didn't even think about them at all. She just did them as she would brush her teeth before she went to bed. It was just life.

For reasons unknown my mind went to cooking. Perhaps ten years ago, after cooking a zillion meals for the family I sort of 'jacked up' (Is that another peculiar Australian expression? It means I went on strike.) I started to complain and wanted to know why it was solely my responsibility to provide the meals. We had a few weeks of restlessness about it. On occasion, I'd be slow to get the meal prepared and seemingly blissfully unaware of the revolution going on, he'd stay in his study and work (or read, or watch the news, or whatever). Of course, I had to allow for four hungry children as well as him and so at about 7.30 pm I went in there once or twice and said something like, "I wonder how long you'd stay in here and wait for someone to call you to say that your meal was on the table. At what point would your hunger take over?"

He explained the game plan. If I needed an ingredient which I had forgotten to buy, he'd go get it.Or, if I needed his help from time to time I was welcome to make out a list and he'd go to the grocery store for me. If (and he was really referring to a weekend night) I asked him nicely, he'd go pick up some Chinese food. But besides that, the food for the family was my job and the sooner I accepted that the better we would all be.

The laying down of the rules and the realization that he had no intention whatsoever of changing his mind meant that eventually I just accepted the situation as law. I obeyed and made the dinner without complaint thereafter.

Do I always do so without thinking about it? I would not say that. My mind often goes to the fact that I am contained within that rule; that I might feel like complaining a bit but I know that the results won't be to my liking and so I don't complain. This is not to say that I don't often enjoy making the meal. Cooking is a way to show your creativity and I am a 'scratch cook'. I make the meals from first principles with loads of vegetables and healthy ingredients. I take pride in the fact that we sit down as a family each night and eat a healthy meal; discuss the events of the day. We are all winners according to this rule.

I'm  not at all displeased to be contained within that rule. On some level I am conscious of enjoying that I know the lay of the land and that things are decided. One of the arguments he gave at the time was that I expect him to do certain things without complaint and he expected me to do this chore without complaint. That's fair.

Now please don't misunderstood me or be at all offended when I say that there are many things that submissive gals and 'slaves' do that we don't and won't incorporate into our lives. My husband would have enormous difficulty in doing something that didn't seem natural and I think I would too. I'm not going to greet him at the door naked on my knees. People come and go from this house at their leisure. There is just no way that either of us would ever relax long enough to do that knowing that some adult child is about to turn the key in the lock. Even if they weren't here, I just can't see it. He'd never think to ask that of me and so it would seem staged to both of us. Of course, one should never use the word "never"!

Yet, he does have his expectations. He isn't the least inclined to want to hear me use any swear words. (He once read the blog and saw that I had used a swear word and told me to delete it at once.) He expects politeness at all times. He does not care to be criticized. If I want something of him, or for him to do something he will happily listen at the appropriate time but he doesn't want to hear any frustration in my voice. He wants an attitude of working together to achieve the things I want. And, if he says "no" or he can't do it yet or he can't afford it yet, that's the way it goes. I have to understand he is doing his best and he has our best interests at heart.

At times, he has rejected my opinions and ideas only to tell me later that I was right. This is frustrating. Why lie about that? It's hard to have a good idea summarily rejected. But, if you look at the overall game plan, we've done well and we live well.

I mentioned to my friend that within the D/s relationship I had lost much of the sense that I used to have that I was sometimes a "little girl".  She told me that I had evolved and that was why the little girl had gone. I knew how to obey now. I was trained. (Correct me A if I don't have the right tenor of your words there.)

On some level, the thought is appealing; that I am trained now; that I can't make mistakes any more; that I just do as I am trained to do. I do do something daily that I enjoy to do. Only very recently has it become the norm for me to comply, almost without thinking. I've discovered enough times that it is detrimental to me not to do the task daily to understand that it is easier to do it and get on with my day (or night) than to be resistant to that knowledge. It is the way I live now.

And yet, I miss the "little girl" quite profoundly. I heard an old podcast recently about the "Daddy" status and whilst I've never entirely bought into that word or the implications of it, I do love the concept that a girl is treasured and taken care of, as well as having expectations of her. In my fantasies my Daddy is no push over. He doesn't hand over a few hundred bucks for me to go squander. On occasion he may treat his girl, but he is strict. His girl achieves. His girl does as told. (You might like to check out the Agnes and Frederick story if you like that sort of thing). The point is, she gets to be small. She gets to goof off a bit at times and is calmly but determinedly brought back into line (okay, occasionally he brings out a strap or something but it is rare and done with love.)

I think what I love about the "little girl" is that little girls are always loved and forgiven by their Daddies. They may be naughty and they may disobey but it is not fatal. A hiding isn't fatal. And, he'll hug her after and tell her it hurt him more than it hurt her. And, she'll sob and tell him that she is so sorry to have disappointed him and she'll try never to do it again. He has to correct her bur he never stops loving her. Do you see how comforting this concept is? (My husband sometimes says to me, "You are very cute, little girl." and I adore that.)

Does the man who Tops a girl, who sets the rules down and ensures they are enforced and punishes (perhaps by withdrawing from her) when they are not obeyed go on caring for the girl? And, if she does comply regularly and repeatedly, is he careful not to be too complacent about that? I might make the meal without resistance but that doesn't mean I don't hope that someone might say, "This is delicious!" I might do my daily task without question but that does not mean I don't hope that I may still receive some praise for doing so. If the praise and pampering should dry up when the girl is trained, well then...I don't particularly want to grow up.