Psychologists tend to disagree about how to categorize people like me who are supposedly "highly sensitive". We are the type of people who can be overwhelmed by the senses. If there is too much noise we tend to close down or to head to a quiet and preferably dark room. We tend to take in the world in an intense way and the sight or sound of something can be extra offensive to us or alternatively it can move us in profound ways.
With children, educators like to use desensitization. Therefore, if a child is struggling to be around disruptive children, or loud and extroverted children, they might throw him into a drama group where he can 'desensitize' from the discomfort of that situation.
To some extent, this works. My husband and I had a quick meal out before seeing a movie last night and whilst he went to the bathroom and I paid, I said to the cashier girl, "Are you aware of how loud it is in here or do you zone it out?" "Oh, I can't hear it," she responded. "I'm in my own little bubble. Does it bother you?" "Sometimes," I responded. "But, I'm learning to be in my own little bubble too."
In a situation with my husband I can reach my elastic limit due to this high sensitivity to the senses. I'm not always comfortable with different sensations occurring on top of one another or at the same time. If you take this morning, I took all sorts of discomfort and sensations for two hours without a hint of complaint until I got a hard whack of the tawse on my ass at the same time as he asked me to lay on my stomach and "put your hands between your legs and play with yourself". Instantly, I had reached my limit. The sting of the tawse at the same moment as I was asked to do something supposedly pleasurable was the straw that broke the camel's back. It took quite some time to get over that high sensitivity to that sensation. Once the senses have reached 'high alert' they stay up there for quite some time.
Life for the highly sensitive person needs to be navigated with some care. It's one thing to expect us to be in a situation with loud noise but quite another to be subjected to listening to awful and awfully loud 'music' at the same time as expecting us to talk. Or to ask us to enjoy making a meal while Bart Simpson and other equally painful sounding characters talk in the background. People assure me that if I ever listened to the dialog I would appreciate it as funny and clever but I can't get past their dreadful speaking voices to even entertain the idea of hearing what they have they to say. Are you getting the picture of what it is to be a 'highly sensitive person'?
Perhaps this is partly why I adore the idea of sensory deprivation. The idea of having my entire head covered in latex and being asked to do nothing but stay still and take it sounds like heaven to me. Sometimes, I choose to limit my words for a day. I say only that which is absolutely necessary in order to settle my system down; to find my 'center', as the meditation people like to say. My daily ritual is all about settling me down too. It's an experience that demands that I be somewhat reflective of my status and whilst doing that, other issues pale into insignificance. There are ancillary benefits too, of course. It is highly pleasurable and highly pleasurable too to know that I'm following prescribed protocols.
Each day now, I meditate. My new meditation teacher didn't give us a choice about that and I've found it amazing to take that 10 minutes or so each day and empty my head of thoughts. I wrap a beautiful, pashmina shawl around me (my son brought it back from Nepal for me so it is very special to me) and I sit cross legged and focus on my breathing, repeating a certain word over and over that takes me to a very 'dumdum' place.
I think I was meant to live a rather sheltered life under the wing of a cerebral, infinitely wise and patient man; the sort of man who calmly steered me back to 'centre' each time I strayed away from the path that was best for me - a narrow road but a road just meant for me. My husband does this for me in his own way, for sure, but in an ideal world he'd have more focus for it; stronger/intenser and more regular reminders. I've thought a lot about a M/s lifestyle lately. I've been reading about how one can love a woman but that the M/s dynamic always remains the same and I find that very appealing. This sort of constancy would settle my senses and emotions; allow me to navigate through life with certainty.
I am most happy when I can feel constancy of his control over me and that he is enjoying that. I am most happy when I am aware of my place in the our shared dynamic and reminders of that place are bountiful. It settles my sensitive senses and makes me feel cherished; loved; safe and secure. In a world that constantly plays havoc with my senses, a contained life is a blessing for me.
With children, educators like to use desensitization. Therefore, if a child is struggling to be around disruptive children, or loud and extroverted children, they might throw him into a drama group where he can 'desensitize' from the discomfort of that situation.
To some extent, this works. My husband and I had a quick meal out before seeing a movie last night and whilst he went to the bathroom and I paid, I said to the cashier girl, "Are you aware of how loud it is in here or do you zone it out?" "Oh, I can't hear it," she responded. "I'm in my own little bubble. Does it bother you?" "Sometimes," I responded. "But, I'm learning to be in my own little bubble too."
In a situation with my husband I can reach my elastic limit due to this high sensitivity to the senses. I'm not always comfortable with different sensations occurring on top of one another or at the same time. If you take this morning, I took all sorts of discomfort and sensations for two hours without a hint of complaint until I got a hard whack of the tawse on my ass at the same time as he asked me to lay on my stomach and "put your hands between your legs and play with yourself". Instantly, I had reached my limit. The sting of the tawse at the same moment as I was asked to do something supposedly pleasurable was the straw that broke the camel's back. It took quite some time to get over that high sensitivity to that sensation. Once the senses have reached 'high alert' they stay up there for quite some time.
Life for the highly sensitive person needs to be navigated with some care. It's one thing to expect us to be in a situation with loud noise but quite another to be subjected to listening to awful and awfully loud 'music' at the same time as expecting us to talk. Or to ask us to enjoy making a meal while Bart Simpson and other equally painful sounding characters talk in the background. People assure me that if I ever listened to the dialog I would appreciate it as funny and clever but I can't get past their dreadful speaking voices to even entertain the idea of hearing what they have they to say. Are you getting the picture of what it is to be a 'highly sensitive person'?
Perhaps this is partly why I adore the idea of sensory deprivation. The idea of having my entire head covered in latex and being asked to do nothing but stay still and take it sounds like heaven to me. Sometimes, I choose to limit my words for a day. I say only that which is absolutely necessary in order to settle my system down; to find my 'center', as the meditation people like to say. My daily ritual is all about settling me down too. It's an experience that demands that I be somewhat reflective of my status and whilst doing that, other issues pale into insignificance. There are ancillary benefits too, of course. It is highly pleasurable and highly pleasurable too to know that I'm following prescribed protocols.
Each day now, I meditate. My new meditation teacher didn't give us a choice about that and I've found it amazing to take that 10 minutes or so each day and empty my head of thoughts. I wrap a beautiful, pashmina shawl around me (my son brought it back from Nepal for me so it is very special to me) and I sit cross legged and focus on my breathing, repeating a certain word over and over that takes me to a very 'dumdum' place.
I think I was meant to live a rather sheltered life under the wing of a cerebral, infinitely wise and patient man; the sort of man who calmly steered me back to 'centre' each time I strayed away from the path that was best for me - a narrow road but a road just meant for me. My husband does this for me in his own way, for sure, but in an ideal world he'd have more focus for it; stronger/intenser and more regular reminders. I've thought a lot about a M/s lifestyle lately. I've been reading about how one can love a woman but that the M/s dynamic always remains the same and I find that very appealing. This sort of constancy would settle my senses and emotions; allow me to navigate through life with certainty.
I am most happy when I can feel constancy of his control over me and that he is enjoying that. I am most happy when I am aware of my place in the our shared dynamic and reminders of that place are bountiful. It settles my sensitive senses and makes me feel cherished; loved; safe and secure. In a world that constantly plays havoc with my senses, a contained life is a blessing for me.
I wrote a similar themed post last week. I do hope you answered my survey!
ReplyDeleteBart Simpson personally saved my Christmas eve over 13 years ago, so I can't complain about him. But my youngest tends to put on equally vexing voiced cartoons. I can't stand the ones that make all kids sound whiney.
Sensory deprivation sounds very interesting. Corner time is about the closest I've gotten to that, but it does really sooth me.
I've been working on meditation and read a book on mindfulness helping with depression a few weeks ago. The practices are very challaging at this point.
Us sensitive girls do need lots of containment and rituals to keep us settled and safe feeling. Interesting post!
Serenity: I read your post and I thought it was a lovely piece of writing. It prompted my thoughts here.
ReplyDeleteIf 'corner time' soothes you, you are probably a candidate for all sorts of quiet, contemplative activities. We end each session of yoga with a particular teacher (before the relaxation) where we put our hands folded behind our backs, sit cross legged, fold our head down and try to reach the floor. The idea is that you have created a little cave for yourself; gone into yourself. I do that at home now too and although it has a degree of discomfort, it is also very calming to the mind.
If you can locate a group meditation class, this is the way into it, in my opinion. It is much easier to meditate with other people and the overall vibe generated in the room. My ability to let go during meditation alone has varied enormously. I've been waking so ridiculously early in the morning that I get up and meditate with the goal of it making me sleepy. Sometimes, I just resort to child pose (wrapped up in a ball) because when all is said and done, I love that position most of all, for more reasons than one!
Keep at it. It is well worth the efforts. Hugs.
I will confess to you one of my difficulties. Right now I am using an audio recording through the meditation process. His voice is so sexy I'm having a hard time following the instructions and not making up new little fantasy commands from him in my mind instead. :) Perhaps if I receive instruction it needs to be from a woman.
DeleteSerenity: What a hoot! Can you share a link to the audio? I think I might like to meditate (or whatever) to that!
ReplyDelete