Care, part 2, take 2

Why can’t I stay out of trouble? I don’t look for trouble. It just seems to come knocking at my door!

You see, yesterday I sent a copy of my last post, ‘Care, Part 2’, to two dominant friends to ask their opinions. Did it make sense? Did it read all right? One friend responded a few minutes later. He said to publish it right away. No problem. Now, it was at that moment, when I had some slight concern. I hadn’t heard from the other dominant friend, and here I was, about to publish. I had asked for his opinion, and was publishing without receiving his opinion. And, yet, I wanted to publish...

I threw caution to the wind. I published the post, and received a few positive comments. That was nice, but most importantly, it allayed my concerns about not waiting for feedback from my ‘friend.’

Last evening, my ‘friend’ and I had a lovely, illuminating internet chat, just before bed, and I was feeling warm. We were discussing other matters and I had entirely forgotten about the ‘feedback’ issue. And, then, just as I was switching off the lap top, I noticed an incoming email, and I quickly looked to see who it was from. I was confused for a moment, couldn’t quite grasp what it was about, until I remembered. It was the feedback on the post I had asked for about 12 hours earlier.

“I feel this is too jumbled. I get lost in it, not sure of what the ultimate point is you're trying to make. And if this is something you are saying that is a struggle of yours, that struggle is not perfectly illustrated. Declined, as is.”

Oh, yes, folks. That is what he does to me. He either writes ‘Declined’ or ‘Approved’. Did I mention that he was a very dominant man...a sadist? I felt a little nauseous. Let me be clear. My ‘friend’ knows how to deal with a girl who is not behaving well. You remember the ‘bad girl list’, right? The last thing he had said to me in the chat we had last night was, to “be a good girl”, and this was not good.

My husband had just got into bed. I cuddled into him, looking for a bit of protection of sorts, made overtures, but he was intent on sleeping:

“Would you stop that, girl!”

This morning, I woke up, and the first thought on my mind was my transgression. What to do? Well, maybe if I went and revisited the post, and tried to make the points more clear for you, readers. Maybe, that would appease him. We’ll see.

First of all, I do, of course, see his point. He is always right, by the way. I want to make that clear. (looks out behind hands...) It was jumbled. It isn’t even clear to me this morning, although it seemed crystal clear yesterday. Did it, in fact, make any sense to you? Well, let’s make the points more direct, then:

The struggle: As I see it, doms do not want, and probably should not, make life too easy for the submissive woman. If life gets too easy, then she is unlikely to be satisfied. She enjoys the struggle. But, on the other hand, if she struggles too much, then her life is full of anxiety, frustration and a negative sensation, and there is not too much positive about that, as I see it. So, what I was trying to say was that the dominant should be careful to monitor the girl to ensure that the struggle remains a reasonably comfortable struggle. If she looks tense, mad, sad, or withdrawn a lot of the time, she is struggling too much. If she looks bright, cheerful, energised most of the time, then the struggle is just right. Think about Goldilocks here. She didn’t want papa bear’s bowl of porridge, because it was too big, and she didn’t want baby bear’s bowl of porridge because it was too small. She wanted the bowl of porridge that was just right for her. So too, the submissive woman needs the right amount of struggle for her. This should be monitored and adjusted as necessary.

The other point I was trying to make was that the submissive may not be able to tell you herself about her struggle. She knows that she is meant to tell you things, to be open. But, it is not quite as easy as the articles make it sound. She may be trying her heart out, you see, to struggle for you, even beyond her capacity. Be aware of that danger.

Care: The struggle led onto a discussion about care. Here, I was making the point that a girl is likely to struggle considerably and without too much distress, so long as she feels that she is being cared for. She has to really feel this, or have evidence of this.

I was being oblique here, because I didn’t really want to go too close to the ‘j’ word: jealousy. You see, I think there is nothing at all wrong with jealousy. I think it is normal. And, I think that wanting to protect your girl is normal, too. Be her ‘Knight in Shining Armour’, and she will struggle for you all you want. A girl loves chivalry, and to be cocooned in your love. Don’t be afraid, no matter what women tell you out there. Go ahead and be jealous, be her prince, care for her, and what happens to her, and she’ll do just about anything for you in return.

It is almost impossible to speak any other way but in generalizations. I can’t speak to the mind of a girl who wants a severe degradation experience, just as I can’t speak to the mind of a girl who would deplore being spanked. We all have our own individual views on such matters.

I am simply talking about something universal...that is important to us all. We need to feel the connection with the other person and as I see it, we show that we are connected with another person when we show that we care about them. Many (most? all?) women want to be cared for, in their heart of hearts. They want a man to run to their defence if another man should look to hurt them. They expect that. They instinctively know that a man is supposed to do that. And, if you men don’t do that, they will judge you accordingly.

Only time will tell, if this got me out of trouble, or deeper in mud. Let us keep our fingers crossed. You don’t want to have to read a list of 26-50 bad things I’ve done lately. Do you?