Thursday, April 2, 2015

Decision making

Movies like 'Inception' or 'Big Eyes' consider the ethical considerations of mind control. In 'Inception' Don Cobb has the rare ability to invade people's dreams and steal secrets from their subconscious. In 'Big Eyes' we see Walter Keane convince his wife that he should claim credit for her paintings. He was the one with the talent for marketing and sales, he told her, and without him they'd not be sold at all.

Margaret is initially horrifed when she learns that her new husband has been deceiving people in this way. However, one deception quickly leads to another and before she knows it she is immersed in the deception herself. It seems she has no way out, until one day years later, and having fled from his clutches to Hawaii, she announces in a radio interview that she is the artist of all the paintings. Narcissistically driven, he keeps up the pretense until it is categorically proven that he is a liar who has used Margaret for his own advancement.

A particularly poignant scene in 'Big Eyes' is when Margaret, almost driven to distraction with the pretense, enters a church confession box for the first time in her life and confesses that she has lied to her daughter. The priest suggests that she was brought up a Methodist, her husband thus is the 'head of the household' and perhaps she should do as he says. The priest isn't aware of the details of her life, but desperate for answers, this advice keeps Margaret living the lie for considerable time thereafter.

I think in life we have two compasses that guide us. First, there are constructs, constructs like 'the man is head of the household' and then there is the gut, the little voice inside our head; that 'click' when we say to ourselves 'that doesn't feel right'.

Since constructs are devised by other people, not necessarily for our own benefit, I endeavor to rely on my instincts. As a woman that often enjoys the passenger seat the construct of having the other make the decisions can be very comfortable for me. However, as someone who isn't that far off having walked this earth for 60 years I can say that it is my 'gut' which has been the most reliable indicator and judge of what is right for me and those I love.

We are all capable of getting swept up in emotional states, in listening to advice that may be given with the best intentions, or not, with doing what someone else thinks is the 'right' thing. I've been there myself several times in my life. In good time, I come back to the core, with what *I* believe is the right thing; my moral compass; my sense of the fitness of things.

It is for this reason that I take a step away from the 'power exchange' nature of this web journal. I'll still leave my thoughts here when it feels right but I have lost a little faith in relinquishing my mind to another. Some people refer to it as retrieving 'personal power'. I don't particularly want to categorize it in this way. I think I just want to say that I've returned to myself as the best architect for the creation of my life. I'll do what I know is best. No one can ask for more than that.


  1. dear Vesta,

    for me at least it has always been your ability to question, to research, to look deeper and to put your own intelligence into the world around you that has made your writing such a joy to read. You have a complex, beautiful mind and have your own unique way of looking at things that has, in my view, always contained a bold streak of curiosity and independent thought.

    Society has a way of classifying us, putting us in little boxes to which are affixed labels. It can be difficult to see ourselves as the beautiful, unique beings we are when we are constantly appraised in such ways. Your submissive qualities will always be with you and remain an important part of your individual beauty. But you are also much more than that and in the end the old cliche returns as truth: we enter and leave this world alone and we answer ultimately only to ourselves or to a higher calling.

    As a romantic myself, and a Dominant, I have always enjoyed the gift of submission. It makes me soar - thrills me to be loved and trusted so deeply that a girl would wish me to take care of all aspects of her life. But I also accept that everyone changes all the time and sometimes what feels like flight is, in the words of Sheriff Woody, really just falling with style. As we move into the latter stages of life it is only natural that we return softly to earth and the quiet comfort of piloting our own little boat.

    I wish you smooth sailing in your little skiff, with the gentle warmth of the sun on your back. Wherever you go and whatever you do, there will be those whose lives are richer for your presence. Please return here from time to time to leave us another postcard.

    With heartfelt thanks for sharing your journey with us,


  2. Blessings for your journey, Vesta.

  3. Rollymo: I don't think I explained myself properly. My writing here is often about my emotions and I don't always concern myself enough with explanation of the situation at hand. That's often intentional, but in this case I need to say that I don't even have a choice about being part of a 'power exchange' team. It remains a part of my life and a significant part of my psyche.

    However, the *I* is still present, has always been present, will always be present. I am happy to follow along until such times as the voice in my head insists that I pay attention to the fact that my sensibilities/values/beliefs have been compromised. As submissive as I naturally am, I need to stop and think about the situation I have been put in and determine for myself what to do next. I won't stop writing here but for now I'm just thinking things through behind the scenes.

    poured out: Thank you.