The understanding of the importance of sex in my life evolved over time. Conscious of the fact that my mind gravitated to the erotic from a very early age it took a long time for me to really understand that my nature is that of a deeply sexual being; a being that longs to let go in the arms of a wanting and willing dominant. I knew what worked for me and what did not work for me early on in the process but the acceptance of my deeply desired object state took a great many years.
Once I accepted my nature and my deep and permanent desire to reside in the object state routinely, repetitively and robustly, my time in the object state was experienced as joy; respite; relief; completion. I longed for the experience time and time again.
When the opportunity for these experiences fundamentally closed down, my mind eventually considered the option of experiencing the object state in some other way. The great difficulty with that thought was that it is very difficult for me to think of sex as being a casual thing; something instigated without a very deep connection; permanence.
It's an interesting notion that a bimbo (who is often thought of as someone who sleeps around) like me requires a certain type of sex in a certain type of way; not at all a 'free for all', but a woman who seeks an object state with a man who has deep feelings for her and who will do all in his power to protect her and complete her, both physically and psychologically.
I may fantasize about gang bangs over and over; simply radiate in the thought of a line of men who 'use' me for their pleasure, and mine. In reality, I require a very deep and abiding connection, looking only to have a man call me his own; looking to belong and to serve; to belong to one another in the deepest way possible. Such is my dilemma.
Brilliant... I completely agree!
ReplyDeleteslavemala: I appreciate it very much when someone writes to say that a piece of writing resonated with them. It made my day. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYes. You articulate how I feel so well. Thank you, my friend.
ReplyDeleteSusan aka July Girl
Susan: Really?? I wonder how common this is...
ReplyDeleteI feel exactly the same. Your writings about the doll/bimbo have helped me to be more comfortable with my needs and desires. I want to thank you for sharing yourself.
ReplyDeleteWicked Tart
Wicked Tart (Oh, what a fabulous name!): Thanks so much for leaving me this note. I only need a comment like this every now and then, that suggests my writing is doing some good, to feel that my presence online here is worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteI also adore Wicked Tart's name.
DeleteSusan