Toys

I've been reading different material lately. I am interested in reading about different mindsets. Basically, I want to learn. Some days a sentence will capture my attention, as it did this morning.  Mistress Breeze said "he needs to understand that he's property and I own him, but he doesn't own me".  Mistress Breeze is a woman who is prepared, like me, to put her thinking out there on the Internet for other people to read and she's bravely going about analyzing herself at times; trying to figure out the best relationship for her; trying to figure out how she might take responsibility for a man, a slave, and not lose herself in the process; what she wants. What sprang to mind when I read this sentence was the ending of 'The Story of O'. Remember, she burned her cigarette into his hand?

I've also been reading a blog quite voraciously this past week. Train her well has a great deal of information to impart about training a person to accept his or her nature as a slave. I'm sure it says something about me that I love reading there. I'm not sure exactly what it says about me. However, I do know that as one is trained to embrace one's rather true (read: slutty) nature, the words on those pages resonate more and more.

Put it this way. I'm aware that a few years ago the notion of obedience, pure and simple, was not a concept that I could embrace for me personally. I think that was because, for me, (and I always put that restriction on what I say because I have no idea what works for other people) it simply was not the right time. In the vast majority of cases where a person is having trouble doing what they would like to do (aka obeying) it is because the chemistry between the two people isn't completely right. It isn't necessarily an issue of love but rather some unquantifiable 'chemistry', I think.

Honestly, I think that people who are willing to wait and who have the patience to train over protracted periods of time are very rare. I also think that you can meet many suitable people but if the instincts are telling you not to engage fully, then it's all over. You need both someone with whom you feel safe, cared for, in whom you trust and whose sensibilities suit you. Sensibilities can't be underestimated.  You can't get over these things by trying harder. It has to be a 'fit' of the two people and that's all there is to that. For example, (and I know this sounds very Seinfeld of me) if you are into a very clean and neat look and he's not, there's little you can do about the mismatch. Forever more, your brain will process this as a problem.

Then, when the fit is right, the patience on the part of the person training has to be enduring; the craft of molding a person has to be present. It takes a lot of work and careful thought and planning. It has to be fun for him or her doing the molding, too. If it's not fun at least a good percentage of the time, it won't work.

Now, of course the relationship between two people works best when their needs and wants are aligned. I've discovered over time that needs and wants can become so entangled that it is almost impossible to say where one ends and one begins. Do I want something because I want it or do I want something because the other wants it? Do I need to have something happen or do I need it to happen because the other wants it to happen? The question loses it importance when two people are so in tune that there is so definitive answer. In the end, you both want the same thing. It's fusion, really.

I think it can work a bit like this. He says that she should do x. She's not sure. He rallies her and cajoles her. She desperately wants to please and in the end she embraces the new challenge. But, it's hard, as it is meant and designed to be. She spends a little time in reverse gear. She tries, but it's hard.  She's quite flummoxed and tells him so. He assures her that he has full confidence in her. Basically, if he says that she can do it, then she should have full confidence in herself. She. can. do. it. She accepts her fate. There is no way out and even though it is hard, she must proceed. Now comes the acceptance. It's still hard but her mind has switched into another gear. She wants this. Does she want it because he wants it for her. Did she want it all along and was too afraid to say? Who cares!! The synergy is there. The obedience is in place. She's his toy and that works awfully well for both of them.

Within this sort of arrangement and mindset there is a hint of the owned and the owner. It takes time to get there. It takes a lot of carefully planned work, resolve, perseverance and enormous consistency. There isn't much place for anger or impulsiveness. It's dogged determination to do work that reaches certain goals. At least, that's the way I see it. First comes some sort of instinctual synergy about the person you are teaming up with and then comes the sort of hard work/fun that unites two people to make a team; that encourages, demands and ensures complete trust. Deep within my mind is the desire for toyhood. There's no doubt about that for me any more.