When I want to soothe myself or to radiate in a state of deep ease of thought I imagine myself in the owned state. My thoughts don't pass through my brain but instead I am so wired into the connection with an owner that I simply respond to his words immediately, without thought. It's this state of mind that permeates my mind when it is at deep rest, no matter what variations the moment calls for.
He might want me to train daily, or even three times a day to take a particularly large anal toy; a toy that, if I were to allow my thought processes to take over, might frighten and intimidate me. But, I'm secure in the fact that everything he has me do is right for me, is well thought out by him, and hence I don't need to give it any thought of my own.
Writing right now, with this thought deeply embedded in my psyche and in my soul I am in a state of deep peace. I feel happy. I am not effervescently happy. Rather, it is the sort of happiness when one gets deep in touch with one's own nature. The world stops. There is silence. Bliss.
Right now the word 'obedience' makes me happy. In my marriage, there are no commands. There is no opportunity to obey at this time. I understand that I am on my own in this way at this time. Yet, in my own way I can obey myself and even this is something.
I am calm. I am quiet. I am thinking gentle thoughts.
I say this many times a day to myself and feel that even though I have commanded this of myself, my obedience to this way of life is a something. My nature is not fully expressed but I do understand my nature. I recognize the loss but I am not allowing it to swamp me. On the contrary my spirits have risen. I know exactly why. To obey, to trust. That is everything to me.
He might want me to train daily, or even three times a day to take a particularly large anal toy; a toy that, if I were to allow my thought processes to take over, might frighten and intimidate me. But, I'm secure in the fact that everything he has me do is right for me, is well thought out by him, and hence I don't need to give it any thought of my own.
Writing right now, with this thought deeply embedded in my psyche and in my soul I am in a state of deep peace. I feel happy. I am not effervescently happy. Rather, it is the sort of happiness when one gets deep in touch with one's own nature. The world stops. There is silence. Bliss.
Right now the word 'obedience' makes me happy. In my marriage, there are no commands. There is no opportunity to obey at this time. I understand that I am on my own in this way at this time. Yet, in my own way I can obey myself and even this is something.
I am calm. I am quiet. I am thinking gentle thoughts.
I say this many times a day to myself and feel that even though I have commanded this of myself, my obedience to this way of life is a something. My nature is not fully expressed but I do understand my nature. I recognize the loss but I am not allowing it to swamp me. On the contrary my spirits have risen. I know exactly why. To obey, to trust. That is everything to me.
Obeying oneself is something I'd never considered before... that's quite interesting. I could never swing it though.. my thoughts are too scattered and I'd never be able to decide what I wanted myself to do ;-) But it is good that your spirits are up :)
ReplyDeleteslavemala: In a strong power exchange relationship where one person is calling the shots and the other is simply obeying, for some of us that's a pretty easy scenario. It's a harder thing when left to our devices. Suddenly, it's 'but, what am I meant to do??' That's when one has to call on one's own resources. It takes a strong inner voice to keep moving and progressing without the direction. At the end of the day you want yourself to be content and for those in your life to be content, yes? So, you'd strive to ask yourself how to bring about good outcomes and a sense of contentment as best you could. For me, that's a combination of activities that allow me to stretch my brain and that also allow me to let go of my brain. It's about time with others happily spent and
ReplyDeletetime on my own to be with myself. I feel sure that if confronted with the need to ask yourself what to do, you'd be up to the task. You'd sort it.