Knowing one's place

When I have more control than I want it's an unpleasant feeling. I like my husband to direct me and failing that I need him to make it clear who is, in fact, in charge. On Sunday morning he made an advance towards me and I expressed, in the mildest of ways, but enough to upset him, that I wasn't interested. He's not used to that sort of thing and later in the car he made it clear that he wasn't impressed.

The fact that he made it clear he wasn't impressed was good. I can tap into what is going on inside me very quickly and easily now and I felt pleased that he dressed me down. It would not have been good if he had let it slide. I felt some guilt and some displeasure with myself. Most of all, I felt more in my place and thus more content.

At the party, I slided over to him and kissed him on the lips. "You're fickle," he said, not entirely sure, I think, as to why I felt better when all he had done is dress me down. I am not entirely sure that he understands what makes me tick. He dresses me down because that is what comes to him naturally to do. I think. I doubt he does it because he thinks it would do me good. However, it does do me good.

This is what it is so important to remember: that if you are a certain type of woman, like me, you honestly do need to know your place. I know some people will misinterpret that statement. I know some women are not treated at all well. I don't mean that sort of 'knowing your place' - some sort of 'put down'; disrespect. I mean, that when one wants to belong, to have an owner, to feel owned, to be cherished and debased at one and the same time, then one simply must know one's place. To act in any other way with one's owner/husband/boyfriend/etc. is to feel terribly out of sync. There's a natural order to things if I am to feel authentically me.