Take a load off, Vesta

I am learning so fast right now that my knowledge of myself is growing by the hour. Here’s a revelation for you (and me). I am a perfectionist! The initial tests spell that out without a shadow of a doubt. I didn’t know that yesterday but it is as clear as day today. Apparently, everyone around me has known this all my life, but that’s the way these things go, it seems.

I have super high expectations of myself. I hate to make a mistake. I especially hate to make a mistake that could jeopardize the happiness of my family. Want an example? I beat myself up over the fact that I didn’t put a sports shirt into my son’s sports bag. In my haste, I grabbed two pairs of shorts. “Anyone could have made that mistake, Mum,” he said, even though he’s a perfectionist himself. He made me feel better, but only slightly.

So, let’s take this poor sod of a girl laden down with her perfectionism and put her into a power exchange. What might happen, you ask? Well...she might just get very hard on herself, try her guts out to be pleasing and when she fails the odd test or receives some constructive criticism, beat herself over the head about it. That is what I have been doing. I have been trying to be the perfect submissive; accepting containment willingly, following commands, displaying endless patience and tolerance and believing that I am no longer entitled to express my own point of view or any of my emotions that are less than pleasing, enticing or erotic. Bottom line: I have been trying to be super human.

So, what’s the initial plan to alter that? Well...I have to go back to being relaxed for starters. This anxiety laden state has nothing going for it at all. Give it a wide berth. Breathe deep. Recognize that the situation isn’t nearly so bad as I have been painting it. Exercise: do some yoga and meditation. Have a glass of wine and an early night. And, let’s not forget Mr. Ringo! Something tells me that he can provide the sort of relaxation that should work wonders. And, perhaps it is time for that analysing Vesta to have a rest, too. It’s time for cindi to come out and play. Hooz redi 2 pley wif cindi?? Cum owt, cum owt wereva yooz hydin.