Agnes - Into the Courtyard

follows on from Frederick - Into the Courtyard

As Agnes proceeded along the stairway she discovered foliage was in her way and she slowed right down so that she could move the overgrowth out of the way of her face. Her imagination was starting to come into play and she had put herself into a jungle sort of scenario with Frederick along to protect her from all the wild creatures. It was a game she often liked to play; to imagine scenarios in her head and she slipped into the role of a jungle explorer quite easily. Even better, there were no mosquitoes to deal with here, although she did look above her from time to time to check for snakes, so able was she to enter a world of her own creation.

When Agnes found that she had landed into a small pond, she was quite disoriented for a moment and she stopped dead. Fortunately, Frederick told her where to go and she stepped across the stepping stones that led to the open space of the courtyard. She found it rather magical and she told Frederick so, although she didn’t want to let on all was going on in her mind. She held onto her imagination as a lovely secret and had never shared that with anybody.

She was impressed with what Frederick had done with the garden and she liked to hear him talk about it and how it had come to pass that he cared for it. She very much liked people to be multi-layered, to have various interests and even to be complicated. She liked that Frederick was a surprise package. She found so many boys so dull and one dimensional and felt privileged to be in the company of this sophisticated man. She worried that she was not interesting enough for him.

It had been rather humid amongst all the plants and Agnes was used to getting much more sleep than she had last night. Perhaps she had not drunk enough water, she wondered, for she felt a little dizzy. She tried to ignore the sensation but it was not going away. She eventually had to tell Frederick before she fainted and he was quick to sit her down.

Agnes felt Frederick place his arms around her shoulder and pull her in. He seemed to be looking at her in a concerned way and it embarrassed her. She didn’t like the fact that she felt unwell in front of him. Yet, as he touched her hair or moved his hand on her shoulder slightly and seemed so generally solicitous of her, she began to realize that he was not at all cross with her but genuinely caring and looking to ease her discomfort. She felt very warm towards him. He was a good man, she felt.

Absentmindedly, she murmured in response to these gestures of kindness until she felt moved to hold his fingers across the palm of one hand and to rub his index finger. The giddiness had gone and although she did not feel entirely well, she did not want to ruin Frederick’s plans. She willed herself to be perfectly all right.

“I think I am feeling better now...”

As they got off the bench and proceeded with the tour Agnes was very aware of how Frederick was holding her. He had taken her by the wrist and this was a new feeling. It left her powerless and she liked the sensation of being led in this way. She felt very soft; rather small; happy. Agnes loved the way that Frederick took the initiative to move her body this way and that as he pointed out various details around the courtyard. She loved being shown about and given this very private tour. It made her feel special in his eyes.

When his mobile phone rang and he excused himself to take the call, he made it clear he wanted her to wait right there. In spite of what he had directed, she had the thought that he would be on the phone at least a few minutes and in that time she could do a little exploring herself. For reasons she didn’t know entirely, she felt drawn to a corner of the garden where there were tall bushes. She wondered if she could hear a sound coming from that direction; perhaps the chirping of birds. She wandered towards the bushes.

Just as Agnes almost disappeared into the bushes, she felt an arm yank her back. Shocked for a moment, she realized it was Frederick and he did not look amused. Although his words were measured, she could sense some agitation. She wanted to explain herself; that she meant no harm and was just filling in time but her explanation and her flattery of what she saw seemed to make him even more agitated. She felt the need to apologize but even that was unacceptable to him.

“It is not enough to be sorry. You need to be careful,” he responded.

For the first time, she felt the age difference between them acutely; a young, inexperienced girl with a mature sophisticated and professional man who was making it clear that he meant what he said. She was embarrassed at the sudden chiding and felt foolish. She looked down and realizing that he was expecting something of her, she quietly said, “Yes, Sir”.

She was confused by his sudden change in demeanour and she felt put off her balance. This was a side of him that she had not seen before. Yet, as quickly as the friction had arrived, it was gone and the Frederick she knew before that moment returned. He pointed to a spot where he liked to picnic or to lie out on a blanket. It was as if her wandering away had never taken place. She felt a bit confused.

He put his arm around her, smiled and continued on with his explanation about the building and garden and the story of it all. It interested her well enough for she was also interested in these topics and she tried to pay attention. Her mind kept wandering off to thoughts about Frederick and her own behaviour. She was going over it in her mind wanting not to make a similar mistake again.

Returning to the grassy area, Frederick asked her if she was hungry and although she wasn’t really hungry as yet, she said she was a little hungry, working on the basis that he must be if had mentioned it. He held out his keys to her and asked her to return to the apartment and put together some lunch in a basket and bring it down.

This request surprised and worried her. It had never occurred to her that Frederick would allow her in his apartment alone. Most of all, she worried that she would not be able to prepare the food in the manner to which he would approve. He seemed to do everything so effortlessly and to have strong opinions. She didn’t want to do something that made it any more evident that she was really just a simple, young girl with no particular abilities or finesse. At least, that is how she felt about herself.

Perhaps to him, she looked like she knew what she was doing with her life, but inside her head, she lacked enormous self-confidence and questioned why he would want to spend time with her in the first place. His reassurances gave her the confidence to accept the challenge and she walked towards the stairs, trying to evoke the feeling that she was under control and had more than enough confidence to accept any challenge. It was something that she did all the time around Paris, standing tall and walking with a gait that suggested she was a woman who knew herself and her power. It was her mask.

As Agnes walked up the spiral stairs her mind was focussed on making the picnic as delicious and enticing as she possibly could. This man had got under her skin and more than anything, she wanted him to be pleased not with just her but with every move she made and every last little thing she did.