Friday, March 14, 2014

How the dominant works

I took great pleasure last night in watching two 50 year old women have their appearance transformed on the show What Not to Wear. When we met them they were both sad, tired and unkempt. As they were given positive attention and encouragement and shown the sort of clothing that would accentuate their assets they began to open and blossom like beautiful flowers. By the time their hair had been colored and cut in a style that was more contemporary and flattering they couldn't wipe the smiles off their faces.

They had been transformed into happy and fun loving women, brimming over with the sort of confidence that only engenders more and more happiness, for them and all the people in their lives. I can get quite teary over this sort of show, just as I shed tears of joy when a man got down on bended knee and proposed to his girlfriend on the Ellen DeGeneres show recently.

Transforming someone into their higher self is a wonderful experience - watching people come alive - and so it makes sense to me that some dominant personalities love to take a person and alter them. Of course, the possibilities are limitless but it seems to me that accentuating a woman's sexuality is something that dominants particularly love to do.

Some people would say that 'the slut' was always there in the girl and some people would say that she was led to appreciate being 'the slut'. I think both statements are true for many submissive women. Certainly, I've harbored rather slutty thoughts from the youngest age and kept them in the safe port of my mind. Those slutty thoughts, however, have required an environment that feels safe and most importantly, tolerant. More than that, it has required an environment where those thoughts are desired.

I've been open to becoming more slutty. I've enjoyed that. But, my thoughts alone were only ever going to take me so far. I've been influenced and exposed to ideas that were new to me. Initially, I had no intention of going further than seemed completely comfortable. Over time, this thought was turned on its head as my desires grew and grew. My predilections advanced in such a way that I never really knew, and still don't know, if what I desire now is what I always wanted (but, how is this so when my exposure was so limited?) or whether I was led to want what I now consider my deepest, darkest and most fervent desires, that may well have been in my mind in some form all along.

It's a very sophisticated, cerebral sort of dominance that transforms a girl over a period of time that could expand to years and years. Ever patient and vigilant, this type of dominant person takes great pleasure in slowly molding a person to want what they want, in such a way that it is almost impossible to decipher just what went on. All one can really say is that one changed; altered; transformed.

It's been my experience that most profound BDSM experiences can't be explained in words. I do, perhaps foolishly, have a go at doing just that here on the web journal at times, but the truth is that you can't explain to someone what something feels like until he or she experience it for himself or herself. I can't explain in words what it was like to be anally trained and adore that, any more than I can explain how it came to be that I became absolutely desperate to have my first latex hood recently. It's been on my mind for a good two years but it is only in the past two weeks that the passion for the experience overwhelmed me.

In fact, my husband had told me to order one some time ago and I don't know why I didn't do it then, except to say that I so very much wanted to get it right. It was my lack of understanding of exactly what I wanted, I think, that held me back from placing the order. Two days ago I asked my husband to help me measure the circumference of my head. Then, I discussed with him the merits of certain colors. We decided together on black because as he said, I didn't want any light coming in, and although baby pink is a divine thought, it's the block out feeling that I most want. This left the all important decision of deciding the weight of the latex and after some consultation with friends who know more than me in this department I went with the heavier weight.

When I pressed the button confirming the order I could not have been more excited about my purchase. It's thrilling to me to read the notes they send me via email giving me updates, the latest one being that the order is "being processed". I began this web journal in 2009 and if you had told me back then I'd be so absolutely delighted that my head was to be tightly covered in latex, with no eyes and no mouth, I'd have thought you were on something.

Slowly, one careful step at a time, I've been introduced to ideas that arouse me and thrill me to the core. I've come to understand the meaning of very deeply committed and connected couples. Their words didn't allow me to understand what they do exactly. I could see their contentment but I didn't fully understand it. I do now. It's deeply spiritual. It's stunningly beautiful.

The word 'slut' can't begin to describe the magnificence of two people wanting the very same thing; doing to and for one another what allows their souls to collide. Of course, you won't necessarily know what I mean because I can't tell you about something like that or describe something like that. To really understand, it must be lived. Power exchanges are not for the fainthearted, but for those people willing to go the distance, they are relationships that have a very tender quality; that ooze with love. 

2 comments:

  1. "...the magnificence of two people wanting the very same thing; doing to and for one another what allows their souls to collide." Beautifully said.

    Susan aka July Girl

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  2. Susan: Dominance that is quite intense, where the dominant is demanding, has a rather constant mix of pleasure and pain. He wants to give pleasure but he also wants her to accept his pain; pain that she isn't necessarily completely interested in. It's that dangerous cocktail of both of them wanting this, but not necessarily in the same quantities or at the same time...and yet, that's the expectation; that the dominant (male or female) gets, ultimately, what he chooses to take. For it to work they both have to have deeply moving moments of being 'at one'. This is the vital ingredient, as I see it.

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