When life is humming along and I feel at one with the world, surrendering to the state of being my natural self, submission happens very naturally and happily, I find. The internal motor hums along nicely. Life is good and not just when success radiates the air but through all the ups and downs of life.
All sorts of things can be happening that aren't all that great, but holding onto that submissive stance within myself is a surefire way to remain peaceful and blissful. No matter what is happening externally, inside I'm being true to myself. If there is one 'fact' about me, it is this - that the best way to derail my efforts to live in harmony with myself and the world is to 'forget' about the submissive instinct that runs deeply through me; to ignore those impulses that advise me how to feel, to act, to think or not think; to be in a peaceful state of mind.
If I were to attempt to make a study of the moments of happiness in one's life, as did Marion Milner back in the 1930s, by keeping an intensive diary for seven years about her mind set (A Life of One's Own), and maybe that's what I am, in fact, doing right here, I might well find that the best moments happen when I am being true to myself, and that the worst possible moments happen when I have derailed myself by not allowing myself the sense of safety, security and contentedness that a submissive stance brings.
I won't go into it in depth today but what Marion discovered is much what I have been discovering for years - that the moments when one is not thinking bring the most happiness. When one puts aside the need to think, beautiful moments happen of their own accord - delight in Vivaldi this morning on the radio, for example. I was driving the boy to school when on came Vivaldi. We were running late and he commented, "Ah, the perfect string music when running late to school." We've noticed this - that so often when we are running late, on will come some inspiring, 'get on with life' string music and off we go to school quite pumped at the promise of a new day. It does help to have the classical music station on your dial, of course.
Or, I'll put on Diana Krall whilst chopping vegetables and find myself in an instantly empty state of mind, noticing the piano, and then a trumpet, or a delightful chord of the base guitar; just delighting in those beautiful sounds. Gardening is fabulous for emptying the mind but so too are millions of moments in life when one lets all thought go - a child laughing, a dog's antics, the sun coming through the window in a certain way. It's a trick of the mind to stop thinking to allow the blissful bounty of not thinking.
My mind was all a-chatter yesterday in meditation. Except for the fact that I have trained myself to endure this awful chatter that happens sometimes and to sit still regardless, I'd have got up, desperate to get away from myself. That's why I meditate in a group because you just can't walk away, or I can't do that. It took a full 50 minutes before my bloody restless, out of control mind shut up and gave me some peace. When I had finally surrendered, I felt much more contained; in control of my own turbulent emotional state.
Now, this does happen to submissive types. If they get a feeling that they are not contained, that their submissive state is missing, that they are running free and restless, in some way they are crying out to be contained. It's the reining in by the dominant that eases the distress. Discipline becomes a much needed antidote to the distress.
In my experience, a submissive doesn't ever want to hear that she has disappointed. No matter how restless of mind, when one hears that word, such as in, "You disappoint me" a little ping goes off. 'Oh, yeah! That's my job and I've sucked at that lately. What on earth have I been thinking??!!' Call the power exchange what you will, but it all boils down to this really - that one does serve the dominant and that the end game is that they are pleased. Without that, there's nothing.
For me, awareness of life and how I live it within myself, and my submissive state of mind, are intricately related. I do best in a constant state of awareness of the need to please and the need to live life with a strong sense of presence with life; with a mind rested, open and often quite empty; an empty vessel in some ways; awareness, just...awareness.
All sorts of things can be happening that aren't all that great, but holding onto that submissive stance within myself is a surefire way to remain peaceful and blissful. No matter what is happening externally, inside I'm being true to myself. If there is one 'fact' about me, it is this - that the best way to derail my efforts to live in harmony with myself and the world is to 'forget' about the submissive instinct that runs deeply through me; to ignore those impulses that advise me how to feel, to act, to think or not think; to be in a peaceful state of mind.
If I were to attempt to make a study of the moments of happiness in one's life, as did Marion Milner back in the 1930s, by keeping an intensive diary for seven years about her mind set (A Life of One's Own), and maybe that's what I am, in fact, doing right here, I might well find that the best moments happen when I am being true to myself, and that the worst possible moments happen when I have derailed myself by not allowing myself the sense of safety, security and contentedness that a submissive stance brings.
I won't go into it in depth today but what Marion discovered is much what I have been discovering for years - that the moments when one is not thinking bring the most happiness. When one puts aside the need to think, beautiful moments happen of their own accord - delight in Vivaldi this morning on the radio, for example. I was driving the boy to school when on came Vivaldi. We were running late and he commented, "Ah, the perfect string music when running late to school." We've noticed this - that so often when we are running late, on will come some inspiring, 'get on with life' string music and off we go to school quite pumped at the promise of a new day. It does help to have the classical music station on your dial, of course.
Or, I'll put on Diana Krall whilst chopping vegetables and find myself in an instantly empty state of mind, noticing the piano, and then a trumpet, or a delightful chord of the base guitar; just delighting in those beautiful sounds. Gardening is fabulous for emptying the mind but so too are millions of moments in life when one lets all thought go - a child laughing, a dog's antics, the sun coming through the window in a certain way. It's a trick of the mind to stop thinking to allow the blissful bounty of not thinking.
My mind was all a-chatter yesterday in meditation. Except for the fact that I have trained myself to endure this awful chatter that happens sometimes and to sit still regardless, I'd have got up, desperate to get away from myself. That's why I meditate in a group because you just can't walk away, or I can't do that. It took a full 50 minutes before my bloody restless, out of control mind shut up and gave me some peace. When I had finally surrendered, I felt much more contained; in control of my own turbulent emotional state.
Now, this does happen to submissive types. If they get a feeling that they are not contained, that their submissive state is missing, that they are running free and restless, in some way they are crying out to be contained. It's the reining in by the dominant that eases the distress. Discipline becomes a much needed antidote to the distress.
In my experience, a submissive doesn't ever want to hear that she has disappointed. No matter how restless of mind, when one hears that word, such as in, "You disappoint me" a little ping goes off. 'Oh, yeah! That's my job and I've sucked at that lately. What on earth have I been thinking??!!' Call the power exchange what you will, but it all boils down to this really - that one does serve the dominant and that the end game is that they are pleased. Without that, there's nothing.
For me, awareness of life and how I live it within myself, and my submissive state of mind, are intricately related. I do best in a constant state of awareness of the need to please and the need to live life with a strong sense of presence with life; with a mind rested, open and often quite empty; an empty vessel in some ways; awareness, just...awareness.
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