Transforming

I don't write here as often as I used to and whilst that can be attributed to a few factors, I think the most significant reason is that I have changed and I don't feel as comfortable here as I used to do. Regular readers know that I am being mentored and the goals of the mentoring are not in line with the original goal of this blog, which is interesting in itself for the idea of having the blog in the first place was really his. But that was then and this is now. Before the blog, I was just a gal who enjoyed writing stories about submission in her free time and he was someone who was willing to read the odd story and give me a comment.

Mentoring is a topic of D/s that I find very interesting. I've commented over on another blog about that recently and I have a couple of correspondents that I keep in touch with in relation to that topic. I have had two mentors myself and of course, a friend with more experience than another can be a mentor of sorts, too. There is no reason why a man exploring his dominance can't be aided by a dominant with more experience, either.

You might have noted that I didn't say "older" dominant in that last sentence and I did that with intention. A mentor or guide or a person who companions another need not be older at all. As Mr. Cross pointed out, age does not have much to do with mentoring a girl per se and so it is that a mentor not need be older.

I never mention my mentor by name. My previous mentor was mentioned by name but that was one we made up to preserve his anonymity. My current mentor could not care a hoot if I mentioned him by name but I don't because, well...I just don't. I'd rather be discreet. Yet, I do feel the desire to talk a little bit about the mentoring and where we are because it might help to explain why this blog can be a bit tricky for me now.

I'm not going to go into the details of the mentoring because it is highly specific to my needs and preferences and I don't feel the need for approval or comment, or to share the specifics of the mentoring. I think it should suffice to say here that the mentoring and the results of the mentoring give me great satisfaction and contentment. Rather, what I thought to share was my observations of what makes a great mentor.

A mentor needs to be able to give a little time on a fairly regular basis in the same way that a girl needs to put aside some time for the mentoring. Of course, my mentor is on the Internet, so in this case, I'm referring to online time.

He (or she) needs to ask lots of questions. He needs to know the person he is mentoring rather well. What does their life look like? What do they want? Of course, what they want can be an evolving thing so he needs to be ever vigilant about that.Let's face it, a submissive girl isn't necessarily going to share everything unless he asks very specific questions.

I think a mentor needs to be strict. Naturally, each mentor has his own style, but the respect has to be there (both ways) and when the gal (in my case) agrees to do something, then it is right that his expectation is that she carry through on the task. I've managed to sweet talk myself out of trouble over time and my mentor just isn't the type to fall for that. Whilst I loathe being in trouble at the time, I look back on those moments and realize he had no alternative. I like to think that it was a bit hard on him to be hard on me but either way, I'm grateful for the high expectations.

Since a good mentor is more than willing to scold (did I mention how much I hate that?) he needs to be able to give praise when expectations are met and on this score I give my mentor a ten out of ten. His enthusiastic giving of praise for my accomplishments is really a secret and essential ingredient, as far as I am concerned.

A good mentor must not only be willing to lead the horse to water but insist that she/it drink. Various strategies come into play with this but in my experience it is high expectations that is significant. Keeping a promise, telling the truth, obeying a command are all critical in getting a girl to the next level and knocking down her limits to reveal more of her true desires. Without high expectations on his part, she can't get there. She may be highly motivated but the value and strength of a mentor is really 'companioning' her on her own journey. I've lost count of the number of times I needed a push to do something I wanted to do before I experienced success.

Mentors must have goals in mind and it seems to me that the girl need not necessarily know what comes next or how a goal is to be achieved. A good mentor keeps a girl on her toes and slightly off balance; at least in this space.

Trust is key. A mentor has to be able to trust his girl and for this reason, I've been up front with my failings. When I'm being corrected I curse myself for being so honest but I don't think we'd be as far down the track without my honesty. Similarly, a girl must trust her mentor. There just isn't one single thing that my mentor has ever done to question my trust in him, even when I have been confused or disenchanted. The issue was always mine and not his and luckily, I had the good sense to recognize that...eventually.

Above and beyond all those very significant factors a mentor and the girl being mentored needs to have a relationship, I believe, where they are teacher and student. And, on this point I would like to share an example with you of what I mean. It related to language reduction - removing words from my vocabulary. On this particular day, I was making mistake after mistake. I didn't mean to make the mistakes but I was unfocused and in a way that made clear that I was failing. If I had been in the right state of mind, I would not have failed. He had had enough and set a punishment to be done "right now". It was tedious and laborious (although erotic) as it was meant to be, and at the end of the task he asked me not to think but to write down my first thought. Can you imagine my mortification when I immediately made a mistake?

"Oh the shame," I wrote, because I was really dreadfully ashamed.

But, here's the thing. So was he. His student had failed and he was upset about that.

What's my point? A mentor and girl need to be engaged with the process. This is not just for kicks. There is a serious side to the mentoring with goals to set and achieve. Nothing less than transformation of mindset is good enough. When you understand this about the mentoring process, you understand everything.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I'm a lucky, lucky girl to have a mentor in this space of the highest caliber. I suspect they don't come along very often but when they do, they are gold. I get a great deal out of it and I can only hope that he does too; that I am worth the effort. A good teacher is not made. A good teacher is born.

So, you see, writing here is not easy. I would never say "I" in my messages to him. I would never say "I am..." This is so perfectly natural to me now that writing in the way I must on this blog seems rather...foreign. I continue to mull on how to deal with the anomaly and I thank you for your forbearance.