For us, the death of our much loved, seventeen year old dog required a long period of grief. We had no desire for a new dog for two years. But, there came a time as we watched the older children develop independent lives when we realized that a dog for our younger son was going to be important. We considered different breeds but one day before Christmas we went to visit a litter of puppies of the same breed.
In fact, only two were left and my worst fears were realized when the two children with us and my husband wanted them both. I love dogs but I have many years of experience with this and I knew that the care of the dogs, in large measure, would fall to me. I would be the one to feed them, train them, deal with them and walk them. It is just the way it is, no matter what family members say on the day of purchase.
For some months now, I have accepted their misbehaviour as part and parcel of puppyhood. I have cleaned up their piddle puddles and accepted the mess they have made with a fair degree of cheerfulness. But, enough is enough. I am over it!
I have tried being very strict and that has not worked. I have tried leaving them outside for hours only to find they urinate on my dining room carpet the moment my back is turned. I have tried shunning them, lecturing them, freaking out at them. Nothing works.
What works is my husband’s voice or the voice of my two older boys. They listen to them.
“What have you done? Get outside!” my husband says at them.
And, out the dog door they go at a fast clip. But, they just won’t take me seriously.
I know that dogs and submissive women have been compared to one another. I don’t reject the notion as out of hand and I consider what I know about that: set rules, have rituals, be firm, praise the good, admonish the bad; correct.
It all sounds so easy...if you are a dominant sort. But, for me, it could not be harder. Why can’t they just behave??!!!
I know my attitude is all wrong. I remember saying to my husband more than once in the past,
“How can the children do this to me!? Their mother! The person who does anything and everything for them! Why can’t they just behave!!!!”
And, then he gets cross at me and tells me that it doesn’t work that way and that children have to be trained.
“If you want them to put away their clothes then stand over them and watch them do it and don’t leave the room until it is done,” he has said, exasperated with me.
Is that what I am meant to do with the puppies? Waste my life standing outside waiting for them to urinate, and then do it again, eight times a day?
What in the hell am I to do!?
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i wasn't old enough to toilet train my puppy but i do have some experience in training animals to do other things. i'm a horserider and have trained a few horses myself, as well as teaching various other animals some tricks (to varying degrees of success!).
ReplyDeleteThe main thing that seems to happen is that i adopt a Dominant role with the animals. i would never hurt an animal, but the way i act is very assertive with my animals, (tone, posture, etc). This has worked very well (particularly with the horses) despite the fact that i do not have a Dominant bone in my body. Master has seen me several times with my horses and each time is amazed at how different i am with them than i am with Him (and indeed everybody else).
All you have to do is put yourself one peg above the puppies- at the moment they figure they're about equal with you, who is subservient to your husband and children by way of cleaning/feeding etc. This does mean being a little more assertive, but it doesn't suddenly mean you're a Domme. It isn't easy but it's possible with the right mindset.
Positive reinforcement is key with animals (and children too!)- a pat and some happy words when a pup's gone outside or a sticker for a child who's cleaned their room can work wonders without making you 'the bad guy', though i'm sure you know that!
i wish you all the best,
-r.
I just finished comforting my older son: our dog died this past weekend, she had been his companion as long as he can remember. Each of our dogs has had their own exasperating quirks, but we've been lucky and they have each trained easily. Hopefully the next will also. Kind of like my son won't let me comfort him this way very much longer, they won't be puppies forever.
ReplyDeleteRose: Thank you so much for such a supportive and helpful comment. I see what you are saying: I am the 'hired help' in their eyes and I need to take a more assertive posture. I will certainly adjust my mindset and see what comes of that. The breed is notoriously difficult to train but even so, we should be further down the track than we are.
ReplyDeleteI must tell you, I am in awe of women who ride well. I watch the horseriding in the Olympics with such admiration and it is doubly wonderful when the rider is a quiet, young girl at heart. It is quite a skill!
greengirl: I am sorry to hear your news. It is a sad time and we were lucky for my son to have a wonderful teacher who gave him lots of support in those first few painful days. I think it helped the whole family to have a burial and our darling dog was buried in a spot in the garden where we walk right by him each and every day.
You are right they won't be puppies forever. I look forward to when I can trust them and they can shares our lives happily, minute by minute.
This is exactly why I haven't given in to the whole puppy idea yet. I'm not sure how long I can hold out for though. I wish you the best of luck.
ReplyDeleteGray: I've found it trying; no doubt about that. Yet, when I see what it does for my son; the love he feels for them, I know it is worth the effort.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, they'll win you over in the end. It is just a matter of time. LOL