Sex is a significant part of my power exchange relationship. In essence, a power exchange is an expression of one’s sexuality along with one’s nature. A submissive looks to sexually submit and a dominant looks to sexually dominate. My need for satisfying sex with my husband, however, is not only about maintaining the connection with him but also with providing me with a life force obtainable in no other way. I am fully aware of myself as a sexual entity and I have a strong desire for my body to be serviced as well as to be of service to him.
I’ve spoken before about my response to reading ‘The Story of O’. It was as if someone had taken a match to an unlit fire and very soon the heat was overpowering. The images that the words evoked for me in numerous scenes brought to life a part of me that I barely knew existed. For years and years, even now, I only need to read a passage to feel a desire for sex that comes from the pit of my soul. The alteration of her wardrobe such that O was more available to Sir Stephen, the use of all her body for his pleasure (and hers), the acceptance of his commands without complaint, her willingness to accept physical correction are all features of her training that leave my body ready and wanting a sexual encounter of my own. In those moments of reading the words (or later just thinking about it), I have become the girl and revel in my own demise.
I liken that response to the sub space (which can last for months or even years), when a woman unearths her submissive side. I suspect I am not alone when I say that unearthing that aspect of one’s nature creates a sexual drive which appears to have no end. One climax simply leads to the desire for the next climax. I recall that my sexual appetite was voracious and there eventually came a time when, deliriously happy as he was, my husband rejected my latest advance citing utter exhaustion and a desperate need for some sleep.
Of course, there are periods when one gets on with life but I am never truly completely happy in my skin unless my sexual drive is high and I am aware of my body as a sexual object. I want to be aware of my primal drive and need for sex in a lusty sort of way; not something that my husband can unearth but that is there on the surface. I know the submissive is meant to provide service, and be “ready for use” but frankly, I am often the one who needs servicing. I love to be ravished; held down, plundered without notice. When my body has felt the relaxation that can only come from an intense sexual experience and a deep orgasm, I experience a pleasure in living that surpasses all other experiences. I am blissfully content in spite of the fact that nothing has actually changed in my life except the great sex. I see life through a different pair of eyes. My sexual appetite is (temporarily) replete and my body flushed with endorphins.
A girl cannot be trained in terms of achieving a successful power exchange relationship without attention to her sexuality. Although I always enjoyed sex, the training that I have undergone has provided me with a new way to perceive my body. I have truly embraced all my lessons and relish the opportunity I have been given to approach my sexuality with fresh eyes. Society demands that we must accept the established code of conduct but no demand is made on us to hide our sexuality from ourselves. My mind willingly accepts all the reminders enforced on me that I am an object of desire; a desirous object. Who would not enjoy the reinforcement of one’s own long held notions; that sex is good; that one’s sexuality should be constantly present, or at least just below the surface?
On one level, I am a traditionalist; married for many years, not interested in sex with other people and only attracted to men. On another level, I am totally open to suggestion in relation to my own sexuality in the search for fulfilment and enlightenment. Of course, I could not embrace my lessons if I was not a submissive woman and for me this is the gift of having been born with a submissive nature. I am not just learning my place but the place within my mind that allows me to explore in this way with such conviction and assuredness. In this way, I think a submissive woman may consider herself blessed.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
"But all the same O gives experession, in her manner, to an ideal that is virile. Virile, or at least masculine. Here we have it at last: a woman who admits it! Admits what? Exactly what women have always -and never more so than today- forbidden themselves to admit. Exactly what men have always accusingly said was true about them: that they never cease slavishly to obey their blood and temper; that, in them, everything, even their minds, even their souls, is dominated by their sex. That they have got incessantly to be fed, incessantly washed and burdened, incessantly beaten. That they have but one requirement, and that is simply of a good master who takes good care to keep his goodness in check and to be wary of it: for it will be to make themselves loved by others that they will put to use all the highspiritedness, the joy, the gay disposition that becomes theirs as a result of our tenderness towards them when once we declare our tender feelings. That, in a word, one must have a whip in hand when one goes to visit them".
ReplyDeleteJean Paulhan, "A Slave's Revolt", An Essay on The Story of O.
Vesta,
ReplyDeleteI have been really wondering about this topic a lot lately, not very eloquently or even coherently, but it has been an out of balance thing for me for a bit now. My sexual drive is, as you say, seemingly without end. And the beginning of that did coincide with discovering submission. I don't know which came first, bit I am sure they were absolutely related. I am learning, slowly, the ways sex can be used to communicate, to explore, to heal, and to connect. I am also learning that I need to find a balance in this, just as in everything.
I AM impressed by your ability to express this insight with so much clarity and subtility... TX
ReplyDeletecassie: I have read that many times. Thank you for reminding me of it. Honestly, for me it is all about "the gain". I get a huge charge out of interacting with a dom/sadist. I feel a bit like a champagne bottle and all the bubbles are there emanating to the top. Nothing and I mean nothing, turns me on more than this interchange. And, thus the sexual drive continues to be given fuel. I am certainly not complaining. Nor are you, you greedy l'il thing!
ReplyDeletegreengirl: I know it has been on your mind, and several other people, too. (Sir J, cassie, discerning dom to name a few...) I saw it as my big opportunity to talk about sex. I didn't start it, remember?? LOL Honestly, as I said above, I believe it is all about "the gain". The sexual drive continues on when it is fed by the interchange of the dom and sub. Hey, just enjoy it. You are in an elite club.
TX: Thank you very much for the perfectly lovely compliment. I am tickled.