Inner transformation

Some readers may have noticed that this girl is showing some reluctance to use the first person. The third person has, quite naturally, become a preferred way of speaking on the blog at times. There are two reasons, primarily, for this state of consciousness. First of all, the training that this girl is undergoing requires this form of speech. It was never a difficulty and contrary to any sense of loss of identity in that training, there is a sense of comfort.

As well, this girl has long felt that western society did not have all the answers to the meaning of life for her. She looks to the East for a greater understanding of how to live her days filled with joy. For her, there is a sense that her education has aided her life and she is abundantly grateful for it. But, in the attaining of a higher order of existence, her education is of limited use to her now. In order for her to go higher, she must go lower. She needs to find that space and place where she is at one; not a mother or a wife or a citizen of her country, but merely the being within; that which has no worldly identity; no *I*. On the outside for the world to see is the *I* but on the inside and during training, there is only an entity, perhaps akin to an object rather than a person. It is separate; very special.

Lately, this girl has been reading the writings of Osho which relate to the “science of inner transformation”. Interested readers may like to read more at www.osho.com. His thoughts are too vast to be simplified here but of particular interest to this girl are some thoughts that may also be of interest to readers. He writes the following:

- Awareness: “All day long you use your awareness with things – cars, traffic – even in the traffic you survive! It is absolutely mad. You are using awareness without being aware of it, but only with outside things. It is the same awareness that has to be used for the inside traffic. When you close your eyes there is traffic of thoughts, dreams, imaginations; all kinds of things start flashing by. What you have been doing in the outside world, do exactly the same with the inside world and you will become a witness. And once tasted, the joy of being a witness is so great, so otherworldly, that you would like to go more and more in...And slowly, slowly, as awareness grows, your whole personality starts changing.

- Society: “Every child is born natural and loose, then society comes in – it has to come in for certain reasons. Nothing is wrong with this, because if the child is left to himself or herself the child will never grow, and the child will become just like the animal. Society has to come in; society has to be passed through – it is needed. The only thing to remember is that it is just a passage to pass through. One should not make one’s house in it. Society has to be followed and then transcended; the rules have to be learned and then unlearned.”

- Relationships: “If you want a harmonious relationship with your partner, you will have to learn to be more meditative. Love alone is not enough. Love alone is blind; meditation gives it eyes. Meditation gives it an understanding. And once your love is both love and meditation, you become fellow travellers. Then it is no longer an ordinary relationship between two people. Then it becomes friendliness on the path towards discovering the mysteries of life...Men and women together in deep friendship, in a loving, meditative relationship, as organic wholes, can reach the goal any moment they want. Because the goal is not outside you; it is the centre of the cyclone, it is the innermost part of your being. But you can find it only when you are whole, and you cannot be whole without the other...Only with meditation does love start taking on new colours, new music, new songs, new dances – because meditation gives you the insight to understand the polar opposite, and in that very understanding the conflict disappears.”

This girl wishes to reach beyond the *I* in order to explore the awareness of which Osho and other spiritual people write. Her society provides her with her identity – that of Vesta – but in releasing herself of the confines of that identity at times, she seeks awareness far more valuable. As she becomes attuned to the “polar opposite” she does see conflict disappear and she finds joy in her new lowly status. She is at peace.