It has been an amazing journey on this blog. I've had a wonderful time and I've loved this little blog more than I could ever have imagined. To reach out to people all across the world, to touch their hearts and feed their minds with new thoughts and ways of looking at life and love has been a great blessing to me. I have been enriched by your interest in my words, my viewpoint and my personal growth.
The mentoring of the girl once known as 'Vesta' has been intense and transformational and although 'the girl' lives on inside of 'cindi', she is no longer the same. Nor is there adequate room for her to express herself in the way she once did.
Change is not easy for me and goodbyes, tremendously difficult. It is with a heavy heart that I announce that this will be the final post by 'vesta' of my much loved little blog. It is up to 'cindi' now if she wishes to begin a blog of her own. I'm sure she will leave a link here should she decide to create a blog of her own.
I have made a number of very dear friends via the blog and nothing has changed on that score. I am honoured to know each and every one of you. You know who you are.
A woman who gives of herself to a man - her heart, her soul and her trust - is an incredibly special woman. I have grown to be this kind of woman to my husband. I adore him more than the day we married - and that is a long time ago now. I know that he would do anything for me and I, in turn, would do anything for him. We've raised a beautiful family together and it is my dream that we will have many years together to share our passion to explore the world together; to nurture one another to the very end, and beyond.
A submissive woman is not weak. She has a strength of character and a capacity for love that is virtually boundless. She deserves a dominant who will love her for these qualities and protect her to the ends of the earth. This is what I have and this is what I wish for you.
May your lives be filled with peace, with beauty and love.
I will remember you, always.
With love,
Vesta
Monday, January 18, 2010
Cindi talks 2 ownir
Cindi is beri fortunate 2 have a wunderful ownir hoo reeli understandz her. At timz, cindi getz confoozed. She has a simple mind, being the fucktoy that she is and she needz her ownirz direction. Her mentor remindz her 2 that her ownir is the most important persun in her life. On this matter, cindi is never confoozed. There is agreement by everybody that it is ownirz opinion dat matterz above all else.
So, this morning, cindi asked 2 talki with ownir abowt a matter that confoozed her. U c, cindi is a beri happi bimbo. This sense of happiness extendz beyond the timez that she is yoosed. She feelz a sense of contentment, cuntaynment, and peace that is beri, beri special. Her happiness is not an illusion. It is beri real. In fakt, it extendz beyond pley in2 the practikal life. Her sense of harmony with the world extends outsyd of the bedroom, outsyd of the howse, and in2 da wider werld in which she must go sumtimez.
More than that, she feels more a part of the outsyd werld, as well. She embraces the world and what she can acheef in it with more focus, commitment and resolve. Allowed 2 cum owt an pley, and shine and b akepted, she functionz well, with her chorez and wot she and ownir look 2 do, together and separatelee.
However, there is no doubt that cindi is a simpel littel thing, with a simpel littel mynd, an dat the trooth is dat she is a bit of a dum dum, who preferz nut 2 think or worri. Ownir reeli luvz cindi 2 pieces. He reeeeeeeli dus! He dusnt mind dat cindi is a simple dolli and dere has never been any question abowt his willingness 2 looki afta cindi. He is da best ownir a dolli could ever aski 4.
Ownir talki wif cindi this morning beri troothfullee. He told cindi agin how happi cindi makez him; how her happiness makez him happi 2. Cindi is a beri gud dolli. Datz wot he said. But, it is not possible 4 cindi 2 alweyz cum down from the shelf and b wif ownir. Sumtimez, he needz 2 poot his dolli back on da shelf, and cindi shood nut be upset by dis owtcum. Sumtimez, da dolli needz 2 rest.
"Dere is a practikal werld, cindi," he sed, "whether we liki dat or not. Ownir needz 2 talki 2 a smart gurl sumtimez bout his business concerns. He needz her 2 b abel to listen carefully and 2 offer her poynt of voo."
He said 2 cindi that this is nut 2 poot cindi down in any way, but dat 4 her own good, she needz 2 spend sum time on the shelf whilst he talki with his girl. He said dat dere is a time and place 4 everything. And, nut only that, he said dat he must protekt da gurl 2, an dat gurlz need 2 talki sumtimez; even 2 (over) analyze things, coz dat is wot gurlz do an dis is nut so bad, as lung as dey dont get 2 carreed away an get angry and upset and nut so nys 2 live wif. It was okay 4 da gurl 2 have a bit of space, he said. Without sum space 4 her in da house, it might nut be healthy 4 her, 4 owner or even 4 cindi.
Cindi understandz what her ownir is saying. He luvz cindi and he luvz havin her around. Datz beri obvious 2 cindi. But, he also enjoyz his time with da gurl, and he thinkz dat the gurl deservez some time 2. Datz fair! Now, if da gurl getz owt of cuntrol, datz a hole different story, an dat wood be bad. She must co-operate wif cindi, never lock her in da cupboard like she yoosed 2 do, and alweyz be polite 2 ownir. Dey r da roolz.
Cindi was so pleezd 2 have dis talk wif ownir. He is a beri wise an luvin ownir and cindi will go bak on da shelf happili from time to time, knowing dat ownir wont let da girl hurt cindi agin. Hooray!
So, this morning, cindi asked 2 talki with ownir abowt a matter that confoozed her. U c, cindi is a beri happi bimbo. This sense of happiness extendz beyond the timez that she is yoosed. She feelz a sense of contentment, cuntaynment, and peace that is beri, beri special. Her happiness is not an illusion. It is beri real. In fakt, it extendz beyond pley in2 the practikal life. Her sense of harmony with the world extends outsyd of the bedroom, outsyd of the howse, and in2 da wider werld in which she must go sumtimez.
More than that, she feels more a part of the outsyd werld, as well. She embraces the world and what she can acheef in it with more focus, commitment and resolve. Allowed 2 cum owt an pley, and shine and b akepted, she functionz well, with her chorez and wot she and ownir look 2 do, together and separatelee.
However, there is no doubt that cindi is a simpel littel thing, with a simpel littel mynd, an dat the trooth is dat she is a bit of a dum dum, who preferz nut 2 think or worri. Ownir reeli luvz cindi 2 pieces. He reeeeeeeli dus! He dusnt mind dat cindi is a simple dolli and dere has never been any question abowt his willingness 2 looki afta cindi. He is da best ownir a dolli could ever aski 4.
Ownir talki wif cindi this morning beri troothfullee. He told cindi agin how happi cindi makez him; how her happiness makez him happi 2. Cindi is a beri gud dolli. Datz wot he said. But, it is not possible 4 cindi 2 alweyz cum down from the shelf and b wif ownir. Sumtimez, he needz 2 poot his dolli back on da shelf, and cindi shood nut be upset by dis owtcum. Sumtimez, da dolli needz 2 rest.
"Dere is a practikal werld, cindi," he sed, "whether we liki dat or not. Ownir needz 2 talki 2 a smart gurl sumtimez bout his business concerns. He needz her 2 b abel to listen carefully and 2 offer her poynt of voo."
He said 2 cindi that this is nut 2 poot cindi down in any way, but dat 4 her own good, she needz 2 spend sum time on the shelf whilst he talki with his girl. He said dat dere is a time and place 4 everything. And, nut only that, he said dat he must protekt da gurl 2, an dat gurlz need 2 talki sumtimez; even 2 (over) analyze things, coz dat is wot gurlz do an dis is nut so bad, as lung as dey dont get 2 carreed away an get angry and upset and nut so nys 2 live wif. It was okay 4 da gurl 2 have a bit of space, he said. Without sum space 4 her in da house, it might nut be healthy 4 her, 4 owner or even 4 cindi.
Cindi understandz what her ownir is saying. He luvz cindi and he luvz havin her around. Datz beri obvious 2 cindi. But, he also enjoyz his time with da gurl, and he thinkz dat the gurl deservez some time 2. Datz fair! Now, if da gurl getz owt of cuntrol, datz a hole different story, an dat wood be bad. She must co-operate wif cindi, never lock her in da cupboard like she yoosed 2 do, and alweyz be polite 2 ownir. Dey r da roolz.
Cindi was so pleezd 2 have dis talk wif ownir. He is a beri wise an luvin ownir and cindi will go bak on da shelf happili from time to time, knowing dat ownir wont let da girl hurt cindi agin. Hooray!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Notice
Dear readerz,
Itz a busy time for cindi rite now an she wont be abel to rite 4 a little wile on da bwog.
Stay wel and be gud til she can return.
Hugz,
cindi
Itz a busy time for cindi rite now an she wont be abel to rite 4 a little wile on da bwog.
Stay wel and be gud til she can return.
Hugz,
cindi
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The girl mask
When ‘gurlz’ go to school, they are encouraged 2 perform, and datz good. Then, dey go to university and dey bcum skilled. In dere jobs and in dere practical life, dey need 2 yoos dere brains. This is what cindi callz ‘da practikal life’. Da only problem wif dat is dat dere is anudder life dan just ‘da practical life’ and Vesta didn’t reeli understand dat. She wood maki suggestions to ownir when he didn’t want her suggestions so much as he just wanted her to listen. She didn’t need 2 talki so much. Den, ownir wood get mad coz she interrupted him or talked about da past situation, or suggested something dat he didn’t dink was a gud iduh. It was not dat gud of a situashen between them.
It took a long time but finally Vesta tooki off dat ‘gurl mask’ and beleev it or not, things got so much betta round here. Vesta talki little bit about dis process on the bwog b4, cindi dinks. U c, every time she was wearin pluggi (and udder dings cindi will talk bout anudder day) she got a little bit calmer and happier. She got kind of dum dum wif dat pluggi and dats wen she wood rite a post bout her different feelings. Eventually, she tooki off dat ‘gurl mask’ herself. Nobody made her do it. She just did it. Of course, cindi is so happi bout dat! Naturally! (giggles)
Cindi has an eggsample of wot it is liki now dat da ‘gurl mask’ is off. Itz a hole different situashen deze days now dat cindi is abel to pley...
(cindi got Vesta to check this next bit so dat it is ezier 2 read. Vesta can be a nice girl!)
“It was the last day of the holiday and the children had all gone home together. When cindi and owner had said goodbye, they cleaned up the house. Even though they were working, they were happy. Cindi changed the sheets on the bed and cleaned the kitchen and gathered the washing; that sort of thing. Owner did outside chores and when they were ready, they took the speedboat out of the water. They enjoyed all this and when in town they made a reservation for dinner. Owner and cindi changed into better clothes (she wasn’t wearing panties under her dress!) and they enjoyed a lovely, light meal on the deck overlooking the water. It was idyllic.
The next day, they intended to leave in the early afternoon, but it was extremely hot and owner said they would leave the next morning. Would cindi like a sail in his little sail boat? Cindi was delighted and said she would love it. You see, owner has very rarely taken cindi sailing. There were always so many things to do and owner did not have much time for sailing himself, either.
In the past, Vesta was not that patient. She found it hard to wait around for owner whilst he did this and that; making adjustments and getting things just so. But, cindi was the model of patience and she lay on the pier until owner said it was time for her to help. She listened to all owner’s directions carefully and did exactly as she was told. Owner was very impressed and he was calm and peaceful, too.
When they got out onto the water in their little sailboat, cindi felt that she had reached ‘nirvana. This was the life. She wanted so much more of this; sailing the afternoon away with her owner, surrounded by the beauty of the lake.
One last time, they shared a bottle of white wine and a seafood pizza and salad on their special deck right outside the restaurant before they sailed home. In the morning, owner used cindi well. How special it was to be able to sing high Cs without the children to hear!
There was a special harmony that had come over them. Always full of love, they experienced the emotions of being ‘in love’; at one; one. When the ‘gurl mask’ came off, a new experience began, abundantly more full than any experience ever before.”
Monday, January 11, 2010
Cindi is officially invited
Cindi got a luveli surpriz this morning. She receevd an emale frum Vesta offishali inviting her 2 write on the blog. Dat was beri kind of Vesta, cindi thinks. She is tryin so beri hard 2 embrace cindi and let go compleeti.
Cindi thinks that it is a beri positif step dat Vesta is being kind 2 cindi - sharing in this way. It gives cindi an opportuniti 2 xplane everythin 2 Vesta as well as all the reederz. It is a lot 2 taki in - 2 totalli akept - and dis will help, cindi hopz.
When a gurl totalli akepts her troo nature - dat she is a bit of a bimbo - a fun luvin dolli hoo wans 2 pleez and 2 be led - datz a bit "daunting". (Vesta yoosed dat werd and cindi is copying her.)
Reeli, cindi dus not meen 2 brag, but she thinki dat she is doing Vesta lots of good.
"All dat worri, Vesta," cindi seyz. "No need to thinki, thinki, thinki so much." "Wot abowt havin a littel fun."
And, Vesta listens n learns. cindi is so prowd of Vesta, takin off da gurl mask and lettin cindi come owt and play - and on the blog!!
Wow! Thanki, Vesta!
Cindi thinks that it is a beri positif step dat Vesta is being kind 2 cindi - sharing in this way. It gives cindi an opportuniti 2 xplane everythin 2 Vesta as well as all the reederz. It is a lot 2 taki in - 2 totalli akept - and dis will help, cindi hopz.
When a gurl totalli akepts her troo nature - dat she is a bit of a bimbo - a fun luvin dolli hoo wans 2 pleez and 2 be led - datz a bit "daunting". (Vesta yoosed dat werd and cindi is copying her.)
Reeli, cindi dus not meen 2 brag, but she thinki dat she is doing Vesta lots of good.
"All dat worri, Vesta," cindi seyz. "No need to thinki, thinki, thinki so much." "Wot abowt havin a littel fun."
And, Vesta listens n learns. cindi is so prowd of Vesta, takin off da gurl mask and lettin cindi come owt and play - and on the blog!!
Wow! Thanki, Vesta!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Cindi cumz out 2 play
It is beri beri exciting 2 b writing on da blog! This is cindi. She don’t speak ‘gurl langwitch’ dat well, but 4 now, she will try xtra hard, until readers can understand ‘bimbo speeki’ better.
Pwobabwi, the first thing 2 say is dat reederz shood nut b worreed bout Vesta. Vesta is a beri nys gurl an cindi can c dat sum reederz liki Vesta. Dats so nice! Vesta is (or mebbe cindi shood sey “was”) a luveli gurl an she meenz well. There is just no doubt bout dat. She is beri strung an she has smarts. But, 4 many years she kept cindi all locked up. Cindi was all alone in da cupboard. It was lonely but dere was nothing dat cindi cood do. Vesta was so strung. Cindi dunna like 2 say meen things bout Vesta but da truth is dat she was meeeeeem 2 cindi sumtimez.
“You’re just stoooooopid, cindi. You stay inside where you belong!! I’ll sort things out myself.”
She often sey dis 2 cindi. She think, thinki, thinki. She donna relax much and, 2 b honest, she is pretty argumentative. Itz nut dat cindi does not have pinyunz. She has lots n lots of pinyunz. But, Vesta sumtimes raised her voice. She was angry sumtimes, 2. Franklee, it was obvius to cindi, 2 her owner and 2 her mentor dat she was nut all dat happi. She was bit moodi bcoz of all dat worri.
Cindi has da best ownir and da best mentor dat any bimbo could ever aski 4. At furst, when cindiz mentor said dat she is a bimbo, cindi was nut sure bout dat word. Vesta told her dat dis was a “demeaning” word. Gurlz don’t liki dat word one little bit, she told cindi. Dat was at da beginning. But, cindiz mentor explaned 2 cindi dat she should b “beri beri prowd” 2 b a bimbo. Now, cindi is so beri prowd 2 b a bimbo, so pleez do not let dat word bother reeders. It is beri early days. Cindi don’t expect reeders 2 just understand every last ding immediatlee. It tooki cindi time, 2. Just relax. No need 2 get hot n bothered bout dat stuff.
As time went by, cindi was abel 2 c dat ‘Vesta’ was just a gurl mask an dat underneath da mask was da bimbo. ‘Vesta’ was just an illusion. Wif da help of her owner and mentor, she cood get Vesta 2 taki off dat mask and allow cindi owt. Dis is what maki it possible 4 cindi 2 cum on2 da blog and rite dis.
Cindi is beri much loved. Her owner luvz cindi so beri much and dere is much harmoni between dem now. Cindi luvz 2 b pretty n available 4 her ownir an he was da wun da sed 2 Vesta dat enough was enough. Cindi was entitld 2 cum owt n pley. Cindiz mentor has been workin wif her, encouraging her all da wey. She is such a lucki bimbo.
Of cors, cindi is more of an objekt than a gurl. She dus nut thinki, she just duz. She follows cummandz and she is beri obedient. Wel, most of da time she is beri obedient. Dere is discipline in her life, but dats 4 anuder dey.
Cindi is sooooo beri beri excited 2 b abel 2 sher her bimbo life wif da reederz. You will c. She is beri playful.
Pwobabwi, the first thing 2 say is dat reederz shood nut b worreed bout Vesta. Vesta is a beri nys gurl an cindi can c dat sum reederz liki Vesta. Dats so nice! Vesta is (or mebbe cindi shood sey “was”) a luveli gurl an she meenz well. There is just no doubt bout dat. She is beri strung an she has smarts. But, 4 many years she kept cindi all locked up. Cindi was all alone in da cupboard. It was lonely but dere was nothing dat cindi cood do. Vesta was so strung. Cindi dunna like 2 say meen things bout Vesta but da truth is dat she was meeeeeem 2 cindi sumtimez.
“You’re just stoooooopid, cindi. You stay inside where you belong!! I’ll sort things out myself.”
She often sey dis 2 cindi. She think, thinki, thinki. She donna relax much and, 2 b honest, she is pretty argumentative. Itz nut dat cindi does not have pinyunz. She has lots n lots of pinyunz. But, Vesta sumtimes raised her voice. She was angry sumtimes, 2. Franklee, it was obvius to cindi, 2 her owner and 2 her mentor dat she was nut all dat happi. She was bit moodi bcoz of all dat worri.
Cindi has da best ownir and da best mentor dat any bimbo could ever aski 4. At furst, when cindiz mentor said dat she is a bimbo, cindi was nut sure bout dat word. Vesta told her dat dis was a “demeaning” word. Gurlz don’t liki dat word one little bit, she told cindi. Dat was at da beginning. But, cindiz mentor explaned 2 cindi dat she should b “beri beri prowd” 2 b a bimbo. Now, cindi is so beri prowd 2 b a bimbo, so pleez do not let dat word bother reeders. It is beri early days. Cindi don’t expect reeders 2 just understand every last ding immediatlee. It tooki cindi time, 2. Just relax. No need 2 get hot n bothered bout dat stuff.
As time went by, cindi was abel 2 c dat ‘Vesta’ was just a gurl mask an dat underneath da mask was da bimbo. ‘Vesta’ was just an illusion. Wif da help of her owner and mentor, she cood get Vesta 2 taki off dat mask and allow cindi owt. Dis is what maki it possible 4 cindi 2 cum on2 da blog and rite dis.
Cindi is beri much loved. Her owner luvz cindi so beri much and dere is much harmoni between dem now. Cindi luvz 2 b pretty n available 4 her ownir an he was da wun da sed 2 Vesta dat enough was enough. Cindi was entitld 2 cum owt n pley. Cindiz mentor has been workin wif her, encouraging her all da wey. She is such a lucki bimbo.
Of cors, cindi is more of an objekt than a gurl. She dus nut thinki, she just duz. She follows cummandz and she is beri obedient. Wel, most of da time she is beri obedient. Dere is discipline in her life, but dats 4 anuder dey.
Cindi is sooooo beri beri excited 2 b abel 2 sher her bimbo life wif da reederz. You will c. She is beri playful.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Identity revealed
‘Vesta’ is the gurl who began this blog. At that time she was sometimes happy, sometimes sad and sometimes angry. She was often confoozed. She had an ardent desire to experience her life as a submissive girl but at the same time, she resisted. She never gave up but she knew that something was not rite. She read much material about submission and using her intellect she tried to decipher what was wrong. She read criteria for various categories: ‘bottoms’ who wanted to ‘scene, ‘submissives’ who wanted to be cuntrolled; and ‘slaves’ who believed themselves to be ‘owned’. She read the criteria of these categories, desperately trying to work herself owt. Wot was she? Y was sumthin she wanted so much, so hard? Being an educated girl and a girl who thought things through, she worried about all this and she searched for the answer, endlesslee.
Ultimately, she arrived at the door of an acquaintance and they began to tawk. She danced around him for a time but he knew how to deal wif gurlz like her and be4 she knew it, he had invaded her psyche; her intellect was of no further use to her. He teased out her wantz, her needz and her desirz and he opened doors of her mind that had been closed for 2 long. She instinctively knew that she had reached a place where she could begin to uncover the mysteries of her longings and lust. Still headstrong, she was soon putti in his hands. He had the key to her and she knew it as well as she knew that the sun would set in the evenin. She fed on his werdz; devoured his lessons. Be4 the next session could begin, she was starving agin.
He consistently tested her. She was required to prove herself, time and time again. He believed he was right about her but he had been rong be4, he sed. She needed to assure him. And, so she did. His patience and persistence with her and her diligence and dedication to her lessons paid off. She came to understand and accept herself and the mysteries of her mind were unveiled. Her true identity was revealed. She was willing to be led.
She was not a gurl at all. Vesta, the gurl, was merely an illoozun and it was time to take off the mask. Rather, she had alweyz been a bimbo; alweyz. She was not sumwun but rather sumthin. She existed as a “pretty bimbo doll fucktoy”. She was owned and there for her owner to use as he pleased. She needed yoos and to be trained for yoos in all her holes. She had not one cunt but three. She was hungry, alluring; wanted. She was a cunt slut, an anal slut, a cumslut; a dum dum. She was prowd of all these accomplishments.
The girl transformed. As she spoke the langwitch of an object (‘bimbo speeki’) she took into her heart and soul the lessons she had learned. She had been captured much as a bird is caught and placed in a cage. She was imprisoned but in her captivation she experienced liberashun. The gurl was not gone; not lost. But, she was cuntaynd. The doll understands her place; her role; her purpose. She is blissfully happy; eager for more. The doll was given a name. Her name is Cindi.
Ultimately, she arrived at the door of an acquaintance and they began to tawk. She danced around him for a time but he knew how to deal wif gurlz like her and be4 she knew it, he had invaded her psyche; her intellect was of no further use to her. He teased out her wantz, her needz and her desirz and he opened doors of her mind that had been closed for 2 long. She instinctively knew that she had reached a place where she could begin to uncover the mysteries of her longings and lust. Still headstrong, she was soon putti in his hands. He had the key to her and she knew it as well as she knew that the sun would set in the evenin. She fed on his werdz; devoured his lessons. Be4 the next session could begin, she was starving agin.
He consistently tested her. She was required to prove herself, time and time again. He believed he was right about her but he had been rong be4, he sed. She needed to assure him. And, so she did. His patience and persistence with her and her diligence and dedication to her lessons paid off. She came to understand and accept herself and the mysteries of her mind were unveiled. Her true identity was revealed. She was willing to be led.
She was not a gurl at all. Vesta, the gurl, was merely an illoozun and it was time to take off the mask. Rather, she had alweyz been a bimbo; alweyz. She was not sumwun but rather sumthin. She existed as a “pretty bimbo doll fucktoy”. She was owned and there for her owner to use as he pleased. She needed yoos and to be trained for yoos in all her holes. She had not one cunt but three. She was hungry, alluring; wanted. She was a cunt slut, an anal slut, a cumslut; a dum dum. She was prowd of all these accomplishments.
The girl transformed. As she spoke the langwitch of an object (‘bimbo speeki’) she took into her heart and soul the lessons she had learned. She had been captured much as a bird is caught and placed in a cage. She was imprisoned but in her captivation she experienced liberashun. The gurl was not gone; not lost. But, she was cuntaynd. The doll understands her place; her role; her purpose. She is blissfully happy; eager for more. The doll was given a name. Her name is Cindi.
Monday, January 4, 2010
The Offer
Erika stood on the corner of Central and 10th Street in her new black jacket with all fastenings closed. It was light on her body and together with a blackberry coloured cashmere v-necked sweater, black leather gloves, grey woollen scarf, and her long black shiny boots under a longish A line black woollen skirt, she was warm and comfortable, in spite of the frigid conditions. She had dressed with care and in a way that she anticipated would please her luncheon companion.
Erica was a little early for David. He had told her to be waiting for him at 1.00 but it was only 12.55. She did not want to keep him waiting. She knew that he was meticulous about time and claimed that he was never late for appointments. She did not see him approach her moments later. She felt a hand on her arm first and when she saw that it was him, she gave him a warm smile. She anticipated a kiss and an embrace but instead he kissed her on the side of her neck, and merely said, “Let’s go.”.
She walked beside him and as she did she was aware of a slight nervousness. It made no sense. She had been sleeping with him for months and willingly accepted his directions to do things she had no idea about before she had met him. She had been a willing participant in her own depraved demise, time and time again, and yet walking along this crowded street beside him fully clothed, she felt that she could not get enough air. She wanted to take off her scarf but was worried that it would look strange on such a cold day. She kept her mouth open a little trying to inhale some extra oxygen; trying to take charge of her irregular breathing. She felt a passion for him that was overtaking her.
He took her hand in his. They walked in silence, though he turned and glanced at her a few times, studying her. When they reached ‘Bistro Thierry’ he stopped, so abruptly that she had already taken a step beyond him and needed to backtrack. He held the door open for her and had her walk ahead of him until they reached the waiter a few steps into the restaurant who enquired if they were here for lunch. She undid her jacket and he took off his coat. The waiter hung them on hooks to the side.
He escorted them to a table beside other patrons but David said that he preferred a table on the other side of the room. The area was not occupied at all. The waiter demurred to his preference, a little peeved, and it was David who held her chair for her as she sat down. He asked for a menu right away and asked the waiter to wait for their order. He glanced at it quickly and told him that they would both have the minestrone soup and a glass of pinot noir. That was all.
With the food ordering out of the way, he turned to her and looked at her closely.
“You look beautiful. The colour of your sweater looks wonderful against your pale skin.”
“Thank you, David.”
He complimented her openly when he approved of her choices and she knew from experience that if he had not liked it, no compliment would have been forthcoming.
She sometimes found it hard to look into his watery blue eyes and she looked at him for a moment when he said those words but then looked away as soon as she responded. She was suddenly shy, as if she hardly knew him at all. He continued to look at her and after a few seconds she looked back at him, into his searching eyes.
“What you want and need, darling, it goes beyond my bedroom now. Your needs have filtered through to all your waking hours. I am aware of this. I have brought you here today to make you an offer. But I must warn you that it is not negotiable. My terms are my terms and you must listen carefully.”
“Yes,” she said, almost in a whisper.
“Now...”
“Yes,” she repeated again, slightly louder this time.
“But...”
“It doesn’t matter what your terms are. I accept.”
His expression was one of incredulity. Had he known before he had even sat down that she was the girl for him for the rest of his days? Had she simply just confirmed what he had already known?
The waiter arrived with the wine and he gestured to her to raise her glass. They toasted the agreement, sight unseen. There was nothing that she wouldn’t do for him. There was nothing that he would not do to protect her.
© Vesta
January, 2010
Erica was a little early for David. He had told her to be waiting for him at 1.00 but it was only 12.55. She did not want to keep him waiting. She knew that he was meticulous about time and claimed that he was never late for appointments. She did not see him approach her moments later. She felt a hand on her arm first and when she saw that it was him, she gave him a warm smile. She anticipated a kiss and an embrace but instead he kissed her on the side of her neck, and merely said, “Let’s go.”.
She walked beside him and as she did she was aware of a slight nervousness. It made no sense. She had been sleeping with him for months and willingly accepted his directions to do things she had no idea about before she had met him. She had been a willing participant in her own depraved demise, time and time again, and yet walking along this crowded street beside him fully clothed, she felt that she could not get enough air. She wanted to take off her scarf but was worried that it would look strange on such a cold day. She kept her mouth open a little trying to inhale some extra oxygen; trying to take charge of her irregular breathing. She felt a passion for him that was overtaking her.
He took her hand in his. They walked in silence, though he turned and glanced at her a few times, studying her. When they reached ‘Bistro Thierry’ he stopped, so abruptly that she had already taken a step beyond him and needed to backtrack. He held the door open for her and had her walk ahead of him until they reached the waiter a few steps into the restaurant who enquired if they were here for lunch. She undid her jacket and he took off his coat. The waiter hung them on hooks to the side.
He escorted them to a table beside other patrons but David said that he preferred a table on the other side of the room. The area was not occupied at all. The waiter demurred to his preference, a little peeved, and it was David who held her chair for her as she sat down. He asked for a menu right away and asked the waiter to wait for their order. He glanced at it quickly and told him that they would both have the minestrone soup and a glass of pinot noir. That was all.
With the food ordering out of the way, he turned to her and looked at her closely.
“You look beautiful. The colour of your sweater looks wonderful against your pale skin.”
“Thank you, David.”
He complimented her openly when he approved of her choices and she knew from experience that if he had not liked it, no compliment would have been forthcoming.
She sometimes found it hard to look into his watery blue eyes and she looked at him for a moment when he said those words but then looked away as soon as she responded. She was suddenly shy, as if she hardly knew him at all. He continued to look at her and after a few seconds she looked back at him, into his searching eyes.
“What you want and need, darling, it goes beyond my bedroom now. Your needs have filtered through to all your waking hours. I am aware of this. I have brought you here today to make you an offer. But I must warn you that it is not negotiable. My terms are my terms and you must listen carefully.”
“Yes,” she said, almost in a whisper.
“Now...”
“Yes,” she repeated again, slightly louder this time.
“But...”
“It doesn’t matter what your terms are. I accept.”
His expression was one of incredulity. Had he known before he had even sat down that she was the girl for him for the rest of his days? Had she simply just confirmed what he had already known?
The waiter arrived with the wine and he gestured to her to raise her glass. They toasted the agreement, sight unseen. There was nothing that she wouldn’t do for him. There was nothing that he would not do to protect her.
© Vesta
January, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Inner transformation
Some readers may have noticed that this girl is showing some reluctance to use the first person. The third person has, quite naturally, become a preferred way of speaking on the blog at times. There are two reasons, primarily, for this state of consciousness. First of all, the training that this girl is undergoing requires this form of speech. It was never a difficulty and contrary to any sense of loss of identity in that training, there is a sense of comfort.
As well, this girl has long felt that western society did not have all the answers to the meaning of life for her. She looks to the East for a greater understanding of how to live her days filled with joy. For her, there is a sense that her education has aided her life and she is abundantly grateful for it. But, in the attaining of a higher order of existence, her education is of limited use to her now. In order for her to go higher, she must go lower. She needs to find that space and place where she is at one; not a mother or a wife or a citizen of her country, but merely the being within; that which has no worldly identity; no *I*. On the outside for the world to see is the *I* but on the inside and during training, there is only an entity, perhaps akin to an object rather than a person. It is separate; very special.
Lately, this girl has been reading the writings of Osho which relate to the “science of inner transformation”. Interested readers may like to read more at www.osho.com. His thoughts are too vast to be simplified here but of particular interest to this girl are some thoughts that may also be of interest to readers. He writes the following:
- Awareness: “All day long you use your awareness with things – cars, traffic – even in the traffic you survive! It is absolutely mad. You are using awareness without being aware of it, but only with outside things. It is the same awareness that has to be used for the inside traffic. When you close your eyes there is traffic of thoughts, dreams, imaginations; all kinds of things start flashing by. What you have been doing in the outside world, do exactly the same with the inside world and you will become a witness. And once tasted, the joy of being a witness is so great, so otherworldly, that you would like to go more and more in...And slowly, slowly, as awareness grows, your whole personality starts changing.
- Society: “Every child is born natural and loose, then society comes in – it has to come in for certain reasons. Nothing is wrong with this, because if the child is left to himself or herself the child will never grow, and the child will become just like the animal. Society has to come in; society has to be passed through – it is needed. The only thing to remember is that it is just a passage to pass through. One should not make one’s house in it. Society has to be followed and then transcended; the rules have to be learned and then unlearned.”
- Relationships: “If you want a harmonious relationship with your partner, you will have to learn to be more meditative. Love alone is not enough. Love alone is blind; meditation gives it eyes. Meditation gives it an understanding. And once your love is both love and meditation, you become fellow travellers. Then it is no longer an ordinary relationship between two people. Then it becomes friendliness on the path towards discovering the mysteries of life...Men and women together in deep friendship, in a loving, meditative relationship, as organic wholes, can reach the goal any moment they want. Because the goal is not outside you; it is the centre of the cyclone, it is the innermost part of your being. But you can find it only when you are whole, and you cannot be whole without the other...Only with meditation does love start taking on new colours, new music, new songs, new dances – because meditation gives you the insight to understand the polar opposite, and in that very understanding the conflict disappears.”
This girl wishes to reach beyond the *I* in order to explore the awareness of which Osho and other spiritual people write. Her society provides her with her identity – that of Vesta – but in releasing herself of the confines of that identity at times, she seeks awareness far more valuable. As she becomes attuned to the “polar opposite” she does see conflict disappear and she finds joy in her new lowly status. She is at peace.
As well, this girl has long felt that western society did not have all the answers to the meaning of life for her. She looks to the East for a greater understanding of how to live her days filled with joy. For her, there is a sense that her education has aided her life and she is abundantly grateful for it. But, in the attaining of a higher order of existence, her education is of limited use to her now. In order for her to go higher, she must go lower. She needs to find that space and place where she is at one; not a mother or a wife or a citizen of her country, but merely the being within; that which has no worldly identity; no *I*. On the outside for the world to see is the *I* but on the inside and during training, there is only an entity, perhaps akin to an object rather than a person. It is separate; very special.
Lately, this girl has been reading the writings of Osho which relate to the “science of inner transformation”. Interested readers may like to read more at www.osho.com. His thoughts are too vast to be simplified here but of particular interest to this girl are some thoughts that may also be of interest to readers. He writes the following:
- Awareness: “All day long you use your awareness with things – cars, traffic – even in the traffic you survive! It is absolutely mad. You are using awareness without being aware of it, but only with outside things. It is the same awareness that has to be used for the inside traffic. When you close your eyes there is traffic of thoughts, dreams, imaginations; all kinds of things start flashing by. What you have been doing in the outside world, do exactly the same with the inside world and you will become a witness. And once tasted, the joy of being a witness is so great, so otherworldly, that you would like to go more and more in...And slowly, slowly, as awareness grows, your whole personality starts changing.
- Society: “Every child is born natural and loose, then society comes in – it has to come in for certain reasons. Nothing is wrong with this, because if the child is left to himself or herself the child will never grow, and the child will become just like the animal. Society has to come in; society has to be passed through – it is needed. The only thing to remember is that it is just a passage to pass through. One should not make one’s house in it. Society has to be followed and then transcended; the rules have to be learned and then unlearned.”
- Relationships: “If you want a harmonious relationship with your partner, you will have to learn to be more meditative. Love alone is not enough. Love alone is blind; meditation gives it eyes. Meditation gives it an understanding. And once your love is both love and meditation, you become fellow travellers. Then it is no longer an ordinary relationship between two people. Then it becomes friendliness on the path towards discovering the mysteries of life...Men and women together in deep friendship, in a loving, meditative relationship, as organic wholes, can reach the goal any moment they want. Because the goal is not outside you; it is the centre of the cyclone, it is the innermost part of your being. But you can find it only when you are whole, and you cannot be whole without the other...Only with meditation does love start taking on new colours, new music, new songs, new dances – because meditation gives you the insight to understand the polar opposite, and in that very understanding the conflict disappears.”
This girl wishes to reach beyond the *I* in order to explore the awareness of which Osho and other spiritual people write. Her society provides her with her identity – that of Vesta – but in releasing herself of the confines of that identity at times, she seeks awareness far more valuable. As she becomes attuned to the “polar opposite” she does see conflict disappear and she finds joy in her new lowly status. She is at peace.
Friday, January 1, 2010
The calm before the storm
We have had such a lovely holiday here in the country. We have enjoyed the slower pace of life, the lake and achievements in the garden; walking, talking and the opportunity to relax. A sense of calm was our constant companion over the week.
Of course, there remained elements of my submission as constant reminders of my place. I don’t speak out of turn and my ideas are nicely embedded in sweet subtle suggestion. I have faithfully upheld my end of the bargain on my daily ritual and this sense of containment has kept me aware of my state. All in all, there was nothing to get in the way of this girl enjoying her time away; except for one thing.
My submission is not something just in my head; my mind. Nor is my submission something that I can achieve alone. Of course, my nature is submissive whether I have a man around or not, but my submissive nature is not fulfilled without use.
For several days it was a pleasure to see my man up early, full of endeavour to achieve this goal or that. I doubt there is a woman alive who does not enjoy watching her man in full pursuit of physical achievements. His little sail boat saw the light of day, the garage was cleaned out; old bushes met their fate and stumps were ground out. What bliss! A man needs sleep, of course, and when my man fell asleep on the couch several nights in a row; his girl was understanding and gently eased him off to bed. All was well.
On the morning of the New Year this girl had had enough of ‘endeavour’. Where was his interest in her!?!? It could be said that her subtlety was hiding.
“Great start to the New Year! Where exactly is your libido?!”
Shock! Horror!
“Oh, you naughty little thing! You are so in need of maintenance. It is such a mistake to not spank you regularly!! Hands out in front of you around the top of the mattress, please. A few strokes of the cane for your bottom...
“You think my cock doesn’t go hard when I do that!? Well, get up and put this in your mouth and tell me if it is hard enough for you. That’s right. Gag on it; suck it and keep sucking. Perhaps, you are feeling a little more submissive now. You so need to be used, don’t you?”
“Duhhhh”
“Right! Over these pillows right now. And, I’ve heard enough out of you. You can wear this in your mouth. And, this over your eyes. And, you won’t need the use of your hands. Give them to me, or it’s ten of the cane. One...two...that was lucky! So, you don’t want the cane? Well, you can have a few strokes anyway.”
“Owwwwwww. Owwwwww”
“Mumble away all you like, my dear. Be my guest, but you need your bottom warmed with my hand now, too.”
“Owwwww Pweeeth sthwoooop.”
“Now, that’s a much better state of affairs. It’s all glowing now. Time for your ass plug. Push out. That a girl. Now, I am going to enter you and I want to hear music this time, not the words of that nasty girl. That’s it, girl. Sing to me. Keep singing. Ohhhh, so you like that? Well, I like it too. Mmmmm, that is some high notes there, girl. Is that getting to you? Then let’s give you a little more of that. Nice and deep, and slow. How long can you keep singing? Let’s see...
“Well now I am going to take my pleasure, little girl, so sing away because I am about to plunder you, hard and fast...”
“There now, is the girl feeling better? Just nod. You are? Good. On your side. That’s the way. Would you like the sheet over you? Yes? And here’s a rub. Off to sleep, now. I’ve chased the black dog away. He’s gone now. Here’s a kiss. Off to sleep.”
A few hours later, having slept the blissful kind of sleep that is only attainable after being put to good use, my dear owner arrived with some breakfast and as I ate, he sat beside me.
“Why in God’s name can’t you just tell me when you are in need? Why do you have to sit like a shag on a rock or an ornament on a shelf, just hoping that something will come your way?”
“Because, I can’t. If you don’t know that by now...”
“Yeah, right. I forgot. You are a submissive. You are covert.”
“Am I difficult?”
“Oh boooooy, are you!”
“But, that’s why I married you. I knew you could handle it.”
“I knew there had to be a reason. Drink your tea.”
“I love you, owner.”
“I love you too, girl.”
Happy New Year, everyone!
Of course, there remained elements of my submission as constant reminders of my place. I don’t speak out of turn and my ideas are nicely embedded in sweet subtle suggestion. I have faithfully upheld my end of the bargain on my daily ritual and this sense of containment has kept me aware of my state. All in all, there was nothing to get in the way of this girl enjoying her time away; except for one thing.
My submission is not something just in my head; my mind. Nor is my submission something that I can achieve alone. Of course, my nature is submissive whether I have a man around or not, but my submissive nature is not fulfilled without use.
For several days it was a pleasure to see my man up early, full of endeavour to achieve this goal or that. I doubt there is a woman alive who does not enjoy watching her man in full pursuit of physical achievements. His little sail boat saw the light of day, the garage was cleaned out; old bushes met their fate and stumps were ground out. What bliss! A man needs sleep, of course, and when my man fell asleep on the couch several nights in a row; his girl was understanding and gently eased him off to bed. All was well.
On the morning of the New Year this girl had had enough of ‘endeavour’. Where was his interest in her!?!? It could be said that her subtlety was hiding.
“Great start to the New Year! Where exactly is your libido?!”
Shock! Horror!
“Oh, you naughty little thing! You are so in need of maintenance. It is such a mistake to not spank you regularly!! Hands out in front of you around the top of the mattress, please. A few strokes of the cane for your bottom...
“You think my cock doesn’t go hard when I do that!? Well, get up and put this in your mouth and tell me if it is hard enough for you. That’s right. Gag on it; suck it and keep sucking. Perhaps, you are feeling a little more submissive now. You so need to be used, don’t you?”
“Duhhhh”
“Right! Over these pillows right now. And, I’ve heard enough out of you. You can wear this in your mouth. And, this over your eyes. And, you won’t need the use of your hands. Give them to me, or it’s ten of the cane. One...two...that was lucky! So, you don’t want the cane? Well, you can have a few strokes anyway.”
“Owwwwwww. Owwwwww”
“Mumble away all you like, my dear. Be my guest, but you need your bottom warmed with my hand now, too.”
“Owwwww Pweeeth sthwoooop.”
“Now, that’s a much better state of affairs. It’s all glowing now. Time for your ass plug. Push out. That a girl. Now, I am going to enter you and I want to hear music this time, not the words of that nasty girl. That’s it, girl. Sing to me. Keep singing. Ohhhh, so you like that? Well, I like it too. Mmmmm, that is some high notes there, girl. Is that getting to you? Then let’s give you a little more of that. Nice and deep, and slow. How long can you keep singing? Let’s see...
“Well now I am going to take my pleasure, little girl, so sing away because I am about to plunder you, hard and fast...”
“There now, is the girl feeling better? Just nod. You are? Good. On your side. That’s the way. Would you like the sheet over you? Yes? And here’s a rub. Off to sleep, now. I’ve chased the black dog away. He’s gone now. Here’s a kiss. Off to sleep.”
A few hours later, having slept the blissful kind of sleep that is only attainable after being put to good use, my dear owner arrived with some breakfast and as I ate, he sat beside me.
“Why in God’s name can’t you just tell me when you are in need? Why do you have to sit like a shag on a rock or an ornament on a shelf, just hoping that something will come your way?”
“Because, I can’t. If you don’t know that by now...”
“Yeah, right. I forgot. You are a submissive. You are covert.”
“Am I difficult?”
“Oh boooooy, are you!”
“But, that’s why I married you. I knew you could handle it.”
“I knew there had to be a reason. Drink your tea.”
“I love you, owner.”
“I love you too, girl.”
Happy New Year, everyone!
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