Agnes - in the afternoon

Agnes was quietly pleased that Frederick approved of what she had prepared for their lunch. She thought of him as a man with sophisticated tastes and she held onto a concern that she may act inappropriately or that he would see her as childish or ignorant. It meant a lot to her that she had pleased him. She smiled and hoped to give the impression that whilst she was pleased he was pleased, it was no big deal; that she could rise to his challenges; that she was capable.

Agnes watched Frederick stretch out on the blanket and she followed his lead. She stretched out on her side facing him and rested her head on her curled arms. They chatted a little about nothing in particular when Agnes quietly giggled at Frederick’s incoherent response. Rather than just not reply to her comment in his nearly asleep state, he mumbled a string of jumbled words back to her.

For a few minutes, Agnes watched him sleep. He seemed a little vulnerable laid out on the blanket, breathing deep and completely unaware of her as he was; his mouth wide open. She felt softly towards him as she studied his features; the way his lips quivered a little as his breathing went in and out; how his hands rested on his chest.

Agnes tried to nap a little herself. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sun on the side of her face. In this public place however, she could not abandon herself to sleep and after a few minutes of just laying there doing nothing she decided to walk whilst he slept. As quietly as a mouse so as not to disturb Frederick she got up off the blanket and took a tour of the gardens, gravitating towards the spot where Frederick had earlier told her off for wandering away. She wanted to explore beyond that spot but the memory of his scolding returned to her and she decided not to proceed.

Agnes loved to be by water; the beach, a lake; even a bath. She heard the sounds of a small waterfall and decided to investigate the pond. She was delighted to find an assortment of fish swimming about in the pond, some surprisingly large. She sat for a while watching them swim before she strolled about the garden, returning back to the blanket every now and then to see if Frederick had woken.

When thirst overcame her she ever so quietly collected the picnic basket from their blanket, took it over to a seat and poured herself a glass of water. She was just putting the water bottle and glass away when she heard Frederick call out to her. He was asking her where she had been and feeling relaxed and happy she began to tell him about what she had seen, but he wasn’t interested.

“I am very disappointed in your behaviour...” she heard him say, and she felt immediately frustrated that she just didn’t understand Frederick’s responses. He was confusing her.

“But, Frederick, I just walked there by the little pond.”

This did not appease him and Agnes remained confused, hurt even, but her instincts told her to apologize in order to bring this scolding to an end. Even her apology was not to his liking. Apologizing was “not good enough” he said and added that when she was with him she was to follow his instructions.

Agnes was challenged by these words. He was sounding like her father on those occasions when she had arrived home late and she didn’t leave home to come to Paris only to have a man she had barely just met speak to her in a way that made her feel like a child when she wasn’t even sure what she had done wrong. Why was he making this fuss about such a tiny thing?

“I don’t understand why you are being so mean. Would you rather I leave?” she asked him. If she was making so many mistakes with him perhaps it was best she go home, she thought. She felt quite disoriented.

Agnes watched in shock as Frederick untied the rope around her waist and cut it into equal pieces. She was speechless.

“Sit down on the bench.”

Agnes could feel her eyes start to tear up but the last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Frederick. She had no desire for him to have the satisfaction of seeing that he had upset her and her upset feelings transcribed into defiance.

“No!"

There was a standoff between them as both of them looked into one another’s eyes trying to gauge the other’s resolve and state of mind. When Agnes dug in her heels, Frederick made the concession of asking her to please sit down. At this point, Agnes decided to sit down but she was still unhappy about it.

“Are you going to do as you are told?”

Agnes didn’t want to leave and if she was to stay she understood that she needed to do things his way. He had made it very clear to her that he was in control. She nodded her consent. Just before Frederick removed a bandana and placed it over Agnes’ eyes and tied it tight with three knots at the back of her head, he asked her to “trust” him.

There was something in the lilt of his voice when he said those words that helped Agnes to relax and to follow Frederick’s lead. Her breathing was settling now and her anger was replaced by arousal. Without the sense of sight, she immediately became aware of Frederick’s voice and all the sounds that were surrounding her; the slightest movement in the trees.

He wanted to know if the bandana was comfortable and he told her in advance that he was going to bind her legs and wrists. As the rope was wound around her body, between her thighs and knees and around her wrists, Agnes found herself enjoying the experience more than she could have ever imagined. There was an element of fear, of humiliation and of arousal and put together Agnes found herself in a state of resignation; almost as if she had been captured in some way and that thought was incredibly appealing to her. She dared not allow Frederick to know how much she was enjoying this situation.

When Frederick asked her to put her hands behind her back however, she resisted. It was a battle of wills between them as he pushed her further and further, but each time she eventually acquiesced. When he was ready he told her to sit completely still and to be absolutely silent. This she could do but when he told her that he was leaving her on her own for a time, her sense of vulnerability forced her to beg him not to leave her alone.

“Please don’t leave me on my own; not like this,” she begged him.

Again, Frederick asked her to trust him and again, this quietened her fractious mind for a while. Yet, the time alone seemed indeterminable. It was probably only a few minutes that she sat there still, unable to see or to move, wondering if anyone was looking at her, directly or from behind a bush. For an instant she wondered if Frederick had abandoned her, or if he planned to leave there for a very long time. She didn’t know where he was, what he was doing and when he would return.

Agnes began to feel very hot and uncomfortable. She felt the need to make the best use possible of her ears and she strained forward and focussed intently for any sound at all that might alert her to what was happening beyond the world of her darkness and imprisonment.

When Agnes heard Frederick’s voice again telling her to remain still but that he was going to untie her hands, she felt an enormous sense of relief that he had returned to her. He was telling her that she would feel some movement, to not be alarmed, to stay still and now that Frederick had returned she was in no doubt that she could comply with his instructions.

She was really listening to his words this time and paying attention to his instructions. He told her not to be alarmed and so she programmed that as understanding that there was no danger and that whatever was happening, she could manage, so long as Frederick was there. She allowed her mouth to unclench and she relaxed her tongue. She did her best to let herself go and put herself in his hands.

“Everything is under control. I have the situation completely in hand,” she heard him say and this put her mind at ease. In the same way that she entered an aeroplane and put her life in the hands of the pilot, allowing herself to settle into the role of one of his responsibilities, so she put her life now in the hands of Frederick. In that role of submitting to a force higher than herself, she felt at peace.

When Frederick took the blindfold away from Agnes’ eyes and told her that she could open her eyes, she had no idea what to expect. When she saw in front of her at very close range a large black cat, a tigress she froze in fear of what could possibly happen next. Her mind went blank and now her brain was responding only to self preservation instincts. She stayed completely immobile because it seemed the best option.

Agnes would have been petrified but for Frederick’s complete lack of concern, his light banter and encouragement to reach out and touch the cat. It helped her immensely that he was rubbing into her tight neck and shoulder muscles, too. Put together, Agnes registered that this was in no way a dangerous situation, even though she remained frightened.

He encouraged her to reach out and touch the cat, sliding his hand down her arm to persuade her to move it forward to touch the cat. Agnes’ family had always had at least one cat at home and she was familiar with what they liked. Tentatively, she brought her hand forward and rubbed it into the fur, and then when she could see that the cat had no objection, she rubbed it behind the ear; a move which was much enjoyed judging by the deep rumble coming from her chest.

Frederick was smiling, clearly pleased that the two of them had an appreciation for one another and Frederick chatted away softly, explaining that since he had introduced Agnes to Sheaden in his company, there was no risk. But, if she had gone off on her own and come across her, she would have not had the same reaction to her at all; that as long as Agnes was in Frederick’s company, Agnes did not present as a threat.

For several minutes Frederick sat on the bench beside Agnes and seemed to enjoy the two girls’ interacting with one another. He was smiling and there was pride in his eyes. They were a delight to watch as they frolicked with one another and Agnes appeared totally relaxed and calm around Sheadan now.

It was Frederick who finally said that it was time for Sheadan to go back to her shed now; that he would take Agnes for some dinner and return her home. Agnes said good bye to the cat and watched Frederick walk her back to her home. She had a sense that Frederick was a man who could expose her to a great many new experiences. The thought enticed her and she hoped that very soon he would begin to teach her things and show her things. She didn’t know what she meant really. She knew very little about what was on offer to her. All she knew was that she was open to experiencing whatever he should choose to offer her.