Grateful

 The yoga teacher asked us on the mat to think of three things that we were grateful for right now. My mind went to: I am grateful for this day. I am grateful to be here in this studio on this mat. I am grateful my body is flexible and that I am getting stronger all the time.

As I sit here at my desk, I am grateful for friendship. Let me tell you about two things that immediately spring to mind.

1. I am grateful for the friendship of my friend on death row in Alabama. I received, a day after my birthday, the most beautiful handmade birthday card from him. I recall opening the envelope, the normal standard size letter envelope, the kind he always uses, and noting that it was a little thicker than usual. 

I wondered for a moment if he had sent me perhaps a pamphlet, something about the prison. My mind never conjured a birthday card. So, when I released it from the envelope, a card that had been measured to exactly fit, and saw the work he had put into it, the drawing, the amazing colouring and shading, and inside the message, my heart just melted.

Some people just don't get a break. B had the most horrendous childhood and was on his own from his early teens, finding shelter where he could, some food where he could. When he recalls those days, it's the kindness of strangers that pops into his head; people who offered him some shelter or gave him some food. 

He never meant to do what he did. It was simply a moment of madness, of fear, of addled thinking. There but for the grace of God go I.

He's a joy in my life, the most big, beautiful heart of a man, and I am honored to call him my friend.

2. I don't like to preempt anything, I have done this earlier this year and been proved wrong, but I think I have lost another distant friend; I think the first kinky friend I ever made. He has been such an incredibly reliable correspondent and suddenly, he is missing in action. He could be in hospital or something, I might out of the blue hear from him and he's been away selling a manuscript or something. It could entirely be a false alarm. But the days are dragging out now, so the signs aren't good.

He said to me a little while ago, maybe a year ago, he was worried if something happened to him that I wouldn't know. I said not to worry because when Deity died, he came, in spirit, to let me know that it was good between us, before he vanished for good. And, so if he died, I would also surely know.

But there's been no visit. Just this ominous feeling that sits in my bones.

So, today I am grateful for his many years of friendship and support. 

Goodness, but getting old has its challenges.

Adendum: Okay, that's a relief, he just checked in, must have sensed my concern.