I've a tendency to view my submissive response as part of my desire for peace and serenity in my life. Whether I am feeling dominance in a physical sense, or whether I am able to sink deep into a meditative trance I am blessed with an arresting of my overactive mind.
It becomes obvious when I am in need of one form of 'therapy' or another. Two Saturdays ago my husband performed a wonderful therapy session for me, providing me with a range of sensations that left me feeling 'objectified', cared for and closely connected to him. I like to feel some physical force, to be in no doubt that he is in control of me and what happens next. This enables me to give into his animalistic desires and to experience a floating feeling. The more he tells me that I am just a sexual object for his 'use', that I'm to do as told, that my holes need to be filled, stretched, fucked, plundered, the better.
Sex is a marvellous therapy but it certainly isn't the only therapy I use. I am blessed to be part of a group where one woman plays her crystal bowls for us for over an hour once every month, and this experience I consider sacred. She focused last time on the bowl that is symbolic of the heart - said that the group dynamic and energy led her back to it again and again - and I knew this instinctively during the meditation because I could feel my heart opening up and a huge wave of empathic feeling wash over me. When I first started going to the group about a year ago I was a little uncomfortable that everybody hugged me, but now I look for my hugs. They are very evolved people, especially the woman leading the group and I draw energy from them. Perhaps they draw energy from me too. I don't really know.
Today, I just knew when I woke that I needed to go to my Tuesday noon meditation group and sit with myself. I rushed through my tasks this morning so that I could get there and sit on my cushion amidst like-minded people. I'd read several days ago now that going to that meditative dark hole that we attempt to reach is like death and thus we should not fear death. The thought resonated with me and I have been using it ever since, finding great solace away from the noise and complexity of my life in that dark, death-like state. The meditation today was one of the best experiences I have had there for a long time, helped, I am sure, by a cooler day. I've passed out before in summer in a small, closed room of meditating people and it is not a fun experience.
I am firmly convinced that we see the world through our eyes and our eyes see according to what we feel inside. If we are unsettled we pick up on the flaws and difficulties and when we are settled we see the flaws and difficulties but they don't seem nearly as important or as close up. We know we have the strength and resolve to deal with them quietly and calmly.
I've found it to be critical that I speak to or be in places silently with like minded people; people resolute in finding peace in their lives. It has been this way in the D/s/power exchange arena as well. I choose gentle people. One or two of them along the way have been sadists but that doesn't mean that they aren't gentle folk. I adore the feeling of being cared for. In those moments, in play or just thinking about them alone with my thoughts, I get a great welling of love in my soul which feels exactly like a soul to soul exchange. I think there are several pathways to a kind of heaven on earth. It could be riding a bike for 20 miles for some people for all I know. You just have to find the right one for you.
It becomes obvious when I am in need of one form of 'therapy' or another. Two Saturdays ago my husband performed a wonderful therapy session for me, providing me with a range of sensations that left me feeling 'objectified', cared for and closely connected to him. I like to feel some physical force, to be in no doubt that he is in control of me and what happens next. This enables me to give into his animalistic desires and to experience a floating feeling. The more he tells me that I am just a sexual object for his 'use', that I'm to do as told, that my holes need to be filled, stretched, fucked, plundered, the better.
Sex is a marvellous therapy but it certainly isn't the only therapy I use. I am blessed to be part of a group where one woman plays her crystal bowls for us for over an hour once every month, and this experience I consider sacred. She focused last time on the bowl that is symbolic of the heart - said that the group dynamic and energy led her back to it again and again - and I knew this instinctively during the meditation because I could feel my heart opening up and a huge wave of empathic feeling wash over me. When I first started going to the group about a year ago I was a little uncomfortable that everybody hugged me, but now I look for my hugs. They are very evolved people, especially the woman leading the group and I draw energy from them. Perhaps they draw energy from me too. I don't really know.
Today, I just knew when I woke that I needed to go to my Tuesday noon meditation group and sit with myself. I rushed through my tasks this morning so that I could get there and sit on my cushion amidst like-minded people. I'd read several days ago now that going to that meditative dark hole that we attempt to reach is like death and thus we should not fear death. The thought resonated with me and I have been using it ever since, finding great solace away from the noise and complexity of my life in that dark, death-like state. The meditation today was one of the best experiences I have had there for a long time, helped, I am sure, by a cooler day. I've passed out before in summer in a small, closed room of meditating people and it is not a fun experience.
I am firmly convinced that we see the world through our eyes and our eyes see according to what we feel inside. If we are unsettled we pick up on the flaws and difficulties and when we are settled we see the flaws and difficulties but they don't seem nearly as important or as close up. We know we have the strength and resolve to deal with them quietly and calmly.
I've found it to be critical that I speak to or be in places silently with like minded people; people resolute in finding peace in their lives. It has been this way in the D/s/power exchange arena as well. I choose gentle people. One or two of them along the way have been sadists but that doesn't mean that they aren't gentle folk. I adore the feeling of being cared for. In those moments, in play or just thinking about them alone with my thoughts, I get a great welling of love in my soul which feels exactly like a soul to soul exchange. I think there are several pathways to a kind of heaven on earth. It could be riding a bike for 20 miles for some people for all I know. You just have to find the right one for you.
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