I recently had reason to return to some material written years ago on this web journal and the most curious comment I came across was that someone had noted that misery was not my kink. I had written about an episode in my kinky life that implied it was a miserable situation (challenging, yes, but miserable, no) and that's what prompted the comment. She is quite right that misery is not my kink. Other people's pain affects me deeply, in fact, and perhaps it is because of the fact that I am so affected by that pain that I need to restore my sense of peace using various strategies.
If you look at the early entries I'm pretty bubbly - both in a happy bubble and full of glee, really, to be in this space at all. I made the comment to a friend in chat, says the record, "It's been a bit of a dream come true for cindi." Honestly, if it all stopped right now, or I stopped living and someone read this record, may the record show that I was happy beyond all measure to have had my time in the sun here.
This is the whole point. cindi may have moments of angst, challenge and even sadness but apart from those moments in her life, she's full of light. She shines. She glows. I try, every day, to give her a little time to herself. That's not always easy, and sometimes unachievable, but on the whole I give her permission to be in the sun routinely.
Often, that cindi time is spent alone, not because it is preferred to be alone, but circumstances don't allow a partner in the play as often as she would like. The hood comes out and gets stretched over the head. She lays there quietly breathing, taking in big gulps of air through the nostrils, her only form of oxygen, and she feels the lightness and empty headedness return. She feels free and carefree.
Or, she takes the bulbous butt plug and by her own hand pushes it into her and waits for its effect to take over her mind and her body. No longer empty, she feels far more at home; far more authentic; far more alive.
No, misery is not my kink. That's an absolutely true statement. I'll do almost anything to be uplifted; to seek the joy; to find the trapdoor. Happiness and joy: that's my kink. Definitely.
If you look at the early entries I'm pretty bubbly - both in a happy bubble and full of glee, really, to be in this space at all. I made the comment to a friend in chat, says the record, "It's been a bit of a dream come true for cindi." Honestly, if it all stopped right now, or I stopped living and someone read this record, may the record show that I was happy beyond all measure to have had my time in the sun here.
This is the whole point. cindi may have moments of angst, challenge and even sadness but apart from those moments in her life, she's full of light. She shines. She glows. I try, every day, to give her a little time to herself. That's not always easy, and sometimes unachievable, but on the whole I give her permission to be in the sun routinely.
Often, that cindi time is spent alone, not because it is preferred to be alone, but circumstances don't allow a partner in the play as often as she would like. The hood comes out and gets stretched over the head. She lays there quietly breathing, taking in big gulps of air through the nostrils, her only form of oxygen, and she feels the lightness and empty headedness return. She feels free and carefree.
Or, she takes the bulbous butt plug and by her own hand pushes it into her and waits for its effect to take over her mind and her body. No longer empty, she feels far more at home; far more authentic; far more alive.
No, misery is not my kink. That's an absolutely true statement. I'll do almost anything to be uplifted; to seek the joy; to find the trapdoor. Happiness and joy: that's my kink. Definitely.
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