Isn't it interesting what the Internet can allow us to do. We can fabricate a persona. We can declare that we believe in ideas or a way of life that simply are merely a figment of our imagination. We can make our lives sound more interesting or more intense than they really are. It's a bit of sport, I guess. Or, perhaps it is a bit like crafting a story. Maybe the reality isn't nearly so interesting as the story. Change a few details, turn things around, give it a different ending and you've got the hallmarks of a story.
It hasn't been this way for me; not at all. I've written the odd story or anecdote but it was clear that this was what it was - or, it was to me. The rest has been my very real and intensely true feelings and experiences. I'm not always proud of those feelings but I declare them to be true; real; authentic.
I'm not at all sure how many people there truly are out there who genuinely are affected and aided by my words. I receive the odd email that suggests that there has been a strong bond and connection with my words; that what I have felt, so have other people.
I know this. I've experienced something profound. I hold it in my soul now. It's a sense of my complete person - a desire, deeply felt on a daily basis to interact with another human being on this planet that understands me and accepts me for all that I am; who knows me as I know myself. This is an incredibly rare opportunity.
I read copious amounts of spiritual words and they all boil down to the fact that to know yourself is one of life's true gifts. You have to really understand who you are. Strip away everything - the spouse, the children, the possessions, the career and what stands there? Who are you?
This is what this has all been about for me - establishing who I am, what matters to me, the whole me and the expression of that entity.
Robert Bly says that we put all the things that people don't like about us 'in the bag'. So, most of our being goes into the bag by the time we are through our childhood. We spend the first 20 years of our lives putting things in the bag and we spend the rest of our lives trying to take them back out. Unless we do an investigation of ourselves we die with the best part of ourselves locked in the bag.
Why would anyone want this? Don't people want to know who they really are? Is there some reason to always live in the light, frightened of the shadow?
We had a man at work who was the Marketing Manager. A cardboard cut out was made of him for promotional purposes. My boss referred to it as 'the paper cut out of the paper cut out".
No-one should want to be a paper cut out. There must be substance.
Who are you in your entirety? That's the question. Time spent writing about 'you' isn't time wasted, but make it authentic. Make it real. Or, don't waste your time.
It hasn't been this way for me; not at all. I've written the odd story or anecdote but it was clear that this was what it was - or, it was to me. The rest has been my very real and intensely true feelings and experiences. I'm not always proud of those feelings but I declare them to be true; real; authentic.
I'm not at all sure how many people there truly are out there who genuinely are affected and aided by my words. I receive the odd email that suggests that there has been a strong bond and connection with my words; that what I have felt, so have other people.
I know this. I've experienced something profound. I hold it in my soul now. It's a sense of my complete person - a desire, deeply felt on a daily basis to interact with another human being on this planet that understands me and accepts me for all that I am; who knows me as I know myself. This is an incredibly rare opportunity.
I read copious amounts of spiritual words and they all boil down to the fact that to know yourself is one of life's true gifts. You have to really understand who you are. Strip away everything - the spouse, the children, the possessions, the career and what stands there? Who are you?
This is what this has all been about for me - establishing who I am, what matters to me, the whole me and the expression of that entity.
Robert Bly says that we put all the things that people don't like about us 'in the bag'. So, most of our being goes into the bag by the time we are through our childhood. We spend the first 20 years of our lives putting things in the bag and we spend the rest of our lives trying to take them back out. Unless we do an investigation of ourselves we die with the best part of ourselves locked in the bag.
Why would anyone want this? Don't people want to know who they really are? Is there some reason to always live in the light, frightened of the shadow?
We had a man at work who was the Marketing Manager. A cardboard cut out was made of him for promotional purposes. My boss referred to it as 'the paper cut out of the paper cut out".
No-one should want to be a paper cut out. There must be substance.
Who are you in your entirety? That's the question. Time spent writing about 'you' isn't time wasted, but make it authentic. Make it real. Or, don't waste your time.
Substance is totally important, being true to you, with all the shortcomings and failings as well as the successes.
ReplyDeleteVery well said vesta, but again, you always write wonderfully.
Hugs,
mous
mouse: Awwww, thanks mouse. There are so many opportunities to paint the Wow! moments now. (FB: So, here we are at a wine tasting smiling and now I'm at a wedding still smiling in a new dress...) it sometimes feels that there aren't too many of us really exploring with courage and conviction. But, as you are seeing, there are so many advantages to probing and progressing with truth and authenticity.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you vesta, seeing through the words to the real person is what matters to me. Keep writing about the real you and as mouse says you write wonderfully, the real you shines through.
ReplyDeleteI also agree. Being true to oneself is what really matters. For myself, I didn't start the "who am I" process until I met M, and he helped me slowly tear down the walls I'd built over the years to keep people out. I'm nowhere near as good a writer as you but I do like to keep things true to life as it were. Even if that means the bad and the ugly as well as the good parts. It's all part of who we are.
ReplyDeleteJoolz: Yes, you say it like it is. I can imagine you sitting at the computer typing away what is happening and how you are feeling about it. I feel like I have a good grasp of what you are doing and why you are doing it. I'd offer my suggestions more often but I get the sense you have sorted it, really.
ReplyDeleteI can't say that I read back on my words very often but occasionally something draws me back into the past and I'm so grateful that I made a record of experience and feelings. I actually read back something last week and was in tears. It wasn't so much the words I had written but that I could remember exactly how I felt when I wrote them. I can't say enough good things about journal. One of the children asked what I wanted for Mother's Day and I suggested a new notebook. To them it is boring, to me it conjures up a host of opportunities for reflection and creation.
Kitten54: Yes, I agree, it's all part of who we are. Part of meditation practice is "noticing". So, we are encouraged not to judge our thoughts but to notice them. I think that can work with journalling too because journals are a great place to put down in words those things that you notice about your thoughts. I've been doing a course on journalling and it can also be very useful for projects of whatever kind - for example, gathering thoughts for a short story or writing down your thoughts on how you want to decorate a room. I've hand written journals where I write down what comes up for me concerning the submissive mindset and that's a good thing to do too. I re-read those notes, more than I do here, quite regularly, maybe because they are just for me.
ReplyDeleteThat's very interesting Vesta. I once thought about keeping a journal but then realised that I had no space for keeping them on the shelf and turned to a blog instead. There I have all the space I need to gather my thoughts and organise them into some semblance of order and some of them even then make sense! I don't know if this is true for you but I find a sense of peace, almost, with writing how I feel, it's easier sometimes than saying the words out loud though I am getting better with that as time goes on. I am amazed at times how much more I can express myself with writing than speaking, although with M I have found not only a loving partner but someone who I can spill all my secrets, fears and other thoughts to and he won't judge or criticise, simply help. And yes, writing down my submissive mindset thoughts helps enormously, especially when I'm not feeling "in the mood" for one reason or another.
DeleteEspecially since we can be anonymous online, I have to wonder why anyone would want to be less than honest. What is the point? Great post. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAnon: It does seem, to me, an opportunity missed, but it's hard to determine motives. Maybe they aren't even being honest with themselves, let alone a general readership.
ReplyDelete