Showing posts with label direction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label direction. Show all posts

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Truth



I can feel the sexuality oozing out of every pore of my skin. My psyche has tapped into the little girl I once was, waiting for life to happen; waiting for some man to claim me; waiting for adventures that I could only understand on some very visceral level; waiting for my life to begin; for the real me to come to the surface and breathe.

How do I feel? Ravenous. I am frightened and seduced by The Dark Lord of my imagination. I crave to do his bidding; I lust to be directed to do lascivious things; to go down, down, down to the darkest recesses of his (and my) mind.

To smell the flowers in my garden, to sit and watch the wind throw about the pollen is enchanting but at the same time as I marvel at nature and thrive on beauty I seek degradation; wallow in lust; crave direction and endure correction; give myself up and with my utmost approval seek to be taken down.

This is the doll; my sexuality; my life blood; my oxygen; my sanctity and my saving grace. This is me.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Perception

A few days ago, as part of the preparation for the holidays, I had my nails refilled. This event takes place every two to three weeks and I go to the same nail salon with the same Chinese girls. I sat down and put out my hands, as you do. She gasped.

"So long."

"Yep"

I've been through this so many times now I am almost oblivious to their reactions. They do a little shrug, maybe a few words about how I must "be careful" and then go ahead and do the refill. But, there have been times when I have been intimidated by these girls. Their 'encouragement' to "make shorter" my nails has had me agreeing to take off some length. I seem to be an anomaly to them, that I should want nails longer than the other clients, but I have learned to stand my ground.

It was more than irritating therefore when a young woman, about fifteen years younger than me, blew into the salon saying that she needed a new set of nails and could it be done immediately. They were frantically busy but squeezed her in - the woman with the very long dyed hair with a part in the middle of her head. I was curious about her and gobsmacked when I looked at the length of her new nails. Not a single word of concern or negativity had been raised about the length of her nails - almost twice as long as mine! She wasn't encouraged to "be careful" and nor did they shake their heads at the length she had instructed her girl to cut them. Quietly and without fanfare she was getting the longest set of acrylic nails I had ever seen, apart from photographs!

I have to think that my appearance led them to feel a certain way about me, whereas her appearance and her whole persona (I wondered if she might be a domme/switch) led them to feel an entirely different way about her. I really have no idea as to where the truth lies and can only speculate.

All my online friends are the most regular looking of people, really. There would be no reason at all for a passerby to feel that he or she is in the midst of kink. I think we are virtually undetectable. Yes, the wearing of a corset perhaps says something. Possibly, a few tattoos give a clue. A certain kind of shoe might suggest something. But I don't think anybody could be sure about any of the people I know, including me. There is nothing to suggest the thoughts that are racing through our minds; our desires for a certain kind of handling. People might wonder but they can't know anything by our appearance.

In the same way, I may be barking up the wrong tree entirely to call this girl with the very long nails a domme/switch, or into kink at all. She may, quite simply, love very long nails. Who is to say? Yet, I sense I am right about her; feel almost sure that she has a secret and that made her very interesting to me.

Here's what I think: The man of her life, a very dominant man indeed, has instructed her to get a set of nails of an inch in length and for them to be done by the end of the day. It was a work day for her and immediately collecting her child from school (she had a rather naughty little boy with her who she was having trouble controlling, which made it all the more interesting to me that she might be a domme/switch) she drove fast to the nail salon and without an appointment used her assertive style to get their co-operation. They sensed she was unlike their other clients and didn't bother to try to control her, rather fitting her in and doing what they were told. Upon leaving the salon, she would scoop up the naughty little boy and race home to tidy up the house, prepare dinner and await her man, who would be delighted to see the claws at the end of her fingers. Her top appeased, they would settle into a night of lovely debauchery.

Now, who in the salon would think that scenario of me? Who would ever believe that my instruction to them to have my nails a certain length came to me as a command? Who would ever think that I was going home to a night of slutty, kinky play? Who would ever look at me and think, 'There's a slut if ever I saw one!"

It has made people watching all the more fun for me. I look at the most regular of people and try to guess what is going on in their very private minds. Could they be thinking what I am thinking? What sluts!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Again

She felt adrift. That old feeling of uncertainty and insecurity had returned to invade her mind and she knew what that was all about. She longed for his direction. She had no use for raised voices or an angry tone. She had no desire for trouble or strife.

But, she wanted his direction.

Sure.
Purposeful.
Intentional.

Not to be disobeyed.

No please. No thank you.

She just wanted to be told what to do.

Then, she could be feel light and bright again. Sustained by his energy. Replete.

Confident
Coquettish
Contained
Complete.

Make no mistake. She knew what to do. But, she needed him to tell her.

Again.
Again.
Again.