Although so many of us live in abundance when compared with previous generations research suggests that this abundance has not meant that we are happier. This phenomenon has been researched in depth now and the findings are worth our attention.
It seems that about half of our state of happiness or unhappiness is 'set' or pre-wired. We have a set point of a state of happiness that we tend to return to, regardless of what happens in our lives, good or bad. So, the 'happy go lucky' personality or the 'depressive' personality is relatively stable from birth. What actually happens to us, our life circumstances, make up about 10% of the happiness quotient and the other 40% of the reasons for our happiness quotient is under our control. In fact, happiness can be learned, just as we might learn to play a musical instrument.
Gratitude for what we have makes up an important element of a sense of happiness, thinking about what we have rather than giving too much thought to what we don't have. This is a particularly fruitful thought since the difference in the possible happiness quotient between a person who earns $50,000 and a person who has $50 million is not significant. Being generous of spirit, according to the best research, is a more significant indicator of feeling happy.
In my late 50s now it has slowly become obvious to me that beauty isn't a particularly strong indicator of feeling happiness. As we grow older and less value is put on external appearances we see so many examples of people who are content within themselves. A documentary on happiness that I saw over the Christmas break told the story of a beautiful American woman, a mother of three children in a good marriage who lost her beauty in an horrific accident. She explained that she is happier now, more settled and at peace than she ever was before the accident.
Of course, she went through a nightmarish time, nearly died and had to endure endless procedures to her face, but her new partner (the husband divorced her) tells her how beautiful she is now and together they lead a very peaceful, spiritual life. In writing this I am reminded of the man in the documentary that made the point that there is no pleasure without pain, and it is worth remembering that sometimes we have to experience the darkness if we want to reach the light.
Of course, it is harder to age peacefully and contentedly if one is not well and there is no denying that good health plays into a sense of happiness. Studies of Okinawans and the Denmark model demonstrate that there are factors within our control and to which we should heed. Eating lightly and healthily, getting enough sleep, staying connected with people, family structures, a good health care and government supported educational system can all play into a sense of fulfilment, peace and happiness.
Personally, I get a huge boost to my happiness when I am living as I was meant to live, in a way that is right for me. There is no doubting that I do best with an authority figure in my life and in the past few days, as I have been driving along country roads on my own I've given thought to this fact. When there is a clear authority figure in my life, someone to whom I am accountable, my flow of emotions is much more smooth and regulated. I guess you could say that with a clear authority figure in my life I am much more happy.
Yes, when and if I am disciplined, that's a time when I might 'buck up' but I'm not less happy really. I'm just mad in the moment that I behaved in a way that means that the discipline is necessary. I'm no less happy with the arrangement, once I work through my energetic emotions. In essence my energetic emotions are bashing up against the this very strong immovable 'wall' and this keeps me centred and content.
Of course, there are times when I need to be that 'wall' as well, to allow my husband's emotions to wash over me and for them to be cleansed with my understanding of his distress. Just before I left on a sojourn he was bothered by a little exchange of words with someone at the gas station (petrol station here) and I listened and then quietly said, "don't let it upset your day, just let it go". This is a very normal and regular part of my life, but I'm very grateful for the times when he steps up to be my authority figure. I feel a tremendous sense of peace and tranquillity in my soul when I can share this dynamic, as I have with my mentor for a number of years now.
As trite as it sounds, happiness comes into your life if you want it enough. It's a decision one makes, I believe, to be more happy. It's a wonderfully democratic concept, anti-consumerist in principle, that we can all be happy regardless of wealth, the circumstances of our lives or our physical presence. I get the sense that the world is becoming ready to hear this message and that we are starting to move away from the thought that possessions can make us happy. It's a good thing.
It seems that about half of our state of happiness or unhappiness is 'set' or pre-wired. We have a set point of a state of happiness that we tend to return to, regardless of what happens in our lives, good or bad. So, the 'happy go lucky' personality or the 'depressive' personality is relatively stable from birth. What actually happens to us, our life circumstances, make up about 10% of the happiness quotient and the other 40% of the reasons for our happiness quotient is under our control. In fact, happiness can be learned, just as we might learn to play a musical instrument.
Gratitude for what we have makes up an important element of a sense of happiness, thinking about what we have rather than giving too much thought to what we don't have. This is a particularly fruitful thought since the difference in the possible happiness quotient between a person who earns $50,000 and a person who has $50 million is not significant. Being generous of spirit, according to the best research, is a more significant indicator of feeling happy.
In my late 50s now it has slowly become obvious to me that beauty isn't a particularly strong indicator of feeling happiness. As we grow older and less value is put on external appearances we see so many examples of people who are content within themselves. A documentary on happiness that I saw over the Christmas break told the story of a beautiful American woman, a mother of three children in a good marriage who lost her beauty in an horrific accident. She explained that she is happier now, more settled and at peace than she ever was before the accident.
Of course, she went through a nightmarish time, nearly died and had to endure endless procedures to her face, but her new partner (the husband divorced her) tells her how beautiful she is now and together they lead a very peaceful, spiritual life. In writing this I am reminded of the man in the documentary that made the point that there is no pleasure without pain, and it is worth remembering that sometimes we have to experience the darkness if we want to reach the light.
Of course, it is harder to age peacefully and contentedly if one is not well and there is no denying that good health plays into a sense of happiness. Studies of Okinawans and the Denmark model demonstrate that there are factors within our control and to which we should heed. Eating lightly and healthily, getting enough sleep, staying connected with people, family structures, a good health care and government supported educational system can all play into a sense of fulfilment, peace and happiness.
Personally, I get a huge boost to my happiness when I am living as I was meant to live, in a way that is right for me. There is no doubting that I do best with an authority figure in my life and in the past few days, as I have been driving along country roads on my own I've given thought to this fact. When there is a clear authority figure in my life, someone to whom I am accountable, my flow of emotions is much more smooth and regulated. I guess you could say that with a clear authority figure in my life I am much more happy.
Yes, when and if I am disciplined, that's a time when I might 'buck up' but I'm not less happy really. I'm just mad in the moment that I behaved in a way that means that the discipline is necessary. I'm no less happy with the arrangement, once I work through my energetic emotions. In essence my energetic emotions are bashing up against the this very strong immovable 'wall' and this keeps me centred and content.
Of course, there are times when I need to be that 'wall' as well, to allow my husband's emotions to wash over me and for them to be cleansed with my understanding of his distress. Just before I left on a sojourn he was bothered by a little exchange of words with someone at the gas station (petrol station here) and I listened and then quietly said, "don't let it upset your day, just let it go". This is a very normal and regular part of my life, but I'm very grateful for the times when he steps up to be my authority figure. I feel a tremendous sense of peace and tranquillity in my soul when I can share this dynamic, as I have with my mentor for a number of years now.
As trite as it sounds, happiness comes into your life if you want it enough. It's a decision one makes, I believe, to be more happy. It's a wonderfully democratic concept, anti-consumerist in principle, that we can all be happy regardless of wealth, the circumstances of our lives or our physical presence. I get the sense that the world is becoming ready to hear this message and that we are starting to move away from the thought that possessions can make us happy. It's a good thing.
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