One of the benefits of relationships is that when one is 'down' the other can be the one who is 'up'; that is, can provide the energy for the other. That's a commonly held thought.
Though, I don't think it necessarily works that way. If one person has no energy to give, it can leave the other flat too.
Yes, I think the 'submissive' can become needy of the Dominant's energy: the one who is the prescribed 'rock' of the relationship.
Though, it's often the bottom of the relationship that actually provides the energy through her willingness to be the bottom.
Energy levels rise and fall in what is probably a range of cycles: winter/summer, heat/cold, slow times of the year/fast times of the year, hard work periods/vacations, menstrual cycles, age, challenges like depression/chronic fatigue/bi-polar. A period of hard play is probably followed by a period of not much play. And, so it goes...
Top of my list of thoughts today is this: that it probably is not a good idea at all for the 'bottom' to rely on, or feel that he/she needs the energy of the Dominant. It probably is a good idea to notice that the Dominant's energy is not available to her, but it shouldn't, ideally, leave her feeling fraught.
Better for her to rely on her own resources by accepting this reality of energy levels rising and falling because even Dominant types do get weary and overwhelmed, especially if they haven't slept too well or for long enough of late.
The prevailing thought I have is that as a 'bottom' there can be a strong need to be loved. The Top provides attention for the bottom, in whatever form that comes, and that attention is interpreted as being 'loved' by so many of us. So, if the attention is lacking, it may seem logical to assume that there is a lack of love, when this 'logic' fails to supply the correct answers.
The answer seems to lie in reminding oneself that one is actually very full of love already. If you think of your reaction to a child, or a husband, or a mother, or a dog, or a baby, or two lovers kissing in the street it will become apparent to you that love is deep within you; that you are actually a bottomless pit of love.
Didn't you well up with pride when your son did that somersault, or your daughter made you a mud pie, or when your husband brought home those half dead flowers? Did it not make you go "Awwww" and laugh when the man on the screen at half time grabbed his girl and gave her a smooch on the mouth in front of the crowd at the game? You don't need to be loved. You are already 'love'.
No need to concern yourself with the temporary lack of energy. Just shine your love out into the world and feel the energy rise up in your own body and mind. That will hold you until the cycles kicks over because, fortunately, cycles do have a tendency of going round and round and round...
Though, I don't think it necessarily works that way. If one person has no energy to give, it can leave the other flat too.
Yes, I think the 'submissive' can become needy of the Dominant's energy: the one who is the prescribed 'rock' of the relationship.
Though, it's often the bottom of the relationship that actually provides the energy through her willingness to be the bottom.
Energy levels rise and fall in what is probably a range of cycles: winter/summer, heat/cold, slow times of the year/fast times of the year, hard work periods/vacations, menstrual cycles, age, challenges like depression/chronic fatigue/bi-polar. A period of hard play is probably followed by a period of not much play. And, so it goes...
Top of my list of thoughts today is this: that it probably is not a good idea at all for the 'bottom' to rely on, or feel that he/she needs the energy of the Dominant. It probably is a good idea to notice that the Dominant's energy is not available to her, but it shouldn't, ideally, leave her feeling fraught.
Better for her to rely on her own resources by accepting this reality of energy levels rising and falling because even Dominant types do get weary and overwhelmed, especially if they haven't slept too well or for long enough of late.
The prevailing thought I have is that as a 'bottom' there can be a strong need to be loved. The Top provides attention for the bottom, in whatever form that comes, and that attention is interpreted as being 'loved' by so many of us. So, if the attention is lacking, it may seem logical to assume that there is a lack of love, when this 'logic' fails to supply the correct answers.
The answer seems to lie in reminding oneself that one is actually very full of love already. If you think of your reaction to a child, or a husband, or a mother, or a dog, or a baby, or two lovers kissing in the street it will become apparent to you that love is deep within you; that you are actually a bottomless pit of love.
Didn't you well up with pride when your son did that somersault, or your daughter made you a mud pie, or when your husband brought home those half dead flowers? Did it not make you go "Awwww" and laugh when the man on the screen at half time grabbed his girl and gave her a smooch on the mouth in front of the crowd at the game? You don't need to be loved. You are already 'love'.
No need to concern yourself with the temporary lack of energy. Just shine your love out into the world and feel the energy rise up in your own body and mind. That will hold you until the cycles kicks over because, fortunately, cycles do have a tendency of going round and round and round...
So true.
ReplyDeleteI wonder whether this is the core message behind the miracle of the Loaves and Fishes in the Christian Bible - is it an allegory about Love?
Having just got a new puppy and a new kitten, I can testify to the ability of love to expand and multiply effortlessly whenever we choose to give it. Now if I can just make this work with my energy levels too...!
Rollymo: I might bring it up in my classroom. There's an older woman who knows the meaning behind everything. She studies fairy tales and myths and legends and so on because she writes urban legends/Young Adult stories. In fact, I think I might be the one person writing about...er, real people, in modern day settings. Your thought is an interesting one, but why not love in abundance and not just fish? Energy, alas, has a way of running out. I often think of the 'Ever ready bunny'. Once the batteries have run out, it's time to recharge.
ReplyDeleteI needed this. Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteSusan aka July Girl
Susan: The voyeur in me wishes that I knew why you needed this and how it has helped, but if I had to take a guess it would be the idea that we are 'love', that we don't necesarily *need* love, yes? I have a hunch that if we let go of "need" it could open doors to a happier, richer life; as if by 'letting go' of the *need* we naturally experience life more richly. In any case, best wishes and thank you for letting me know.
ReplyDeleteI'll be glad to tell you! Lately during my daily meditation, I have begun to feel love, the love outside of me coming toward me in all its shapes, sizes and forms. I "know" that I am love, but I had forgotten that. You reminded me, and it is very helpful. You are awesome!
ReplyDeleteSusan aka July Girl
Susan: Isn't it one of the best feelings in the world?! Meditation that can creates these feelings of love are sensational. So happy that you have had these wonderful experiences. Love xx
ReplyDelete