Obedience as it relates to arousal

Life is stranger than fiction. If I needed to make the connections between the events of the recent past with the events of the weekend I'd be hard pressed to do so. Why was this weekend so vastly different from the period of time before it?

Well, I'd expressed my dissatisfaction, loud and clear. And, not that long after that, he'd express some dissatisfaction of my behavior loud and clear as well. We'd both been given reason to pause and reflect and we'd both done that. Without getting too close and personal what I am saying is that there had been a shift in both of our states of mind as to possible solutions to our personal dilemma.

He took the initiative. Well, we had a chat on the couch first, when he got home from a dinner Thursday night and I kissed him goodnight. He came to bed sometime after I was asleep. He had been watching some World Movie about a woman and two men, was ravenous, and that got the ball rolling.

From there, there were several encounters over the weekend, each one bringing us closer together, each one relaxing me further and further. He wanted service and I was happy to give him the service he required. The details aren't for public consumption but what I will say is that I was aware of how spectacularly easy it was for me to obey every command and to take whatever he chose to give me. Obedience wasn't so much easy really as completely comfortable; compliance felt normal; right; as things should be in my life. I radiated in being obedient. It felt an enormous relief to be tested in these ways.

Later, as we were laying in one another's arms, after one of those 'after sex' naps that take you into a very deep sleep, he said to me, "You must never let another man know of your abilities to comply; what you can take. It would be dangerous. There's nothing you can't do; no place a man can't take you."

I thought about this a while. I was aware of this deep all body and mind erogenous zone for me; this great comfort I took in being nothing more than a fucktoy; this relief at expressing this part of me.

"I don't see how BDSM can happen with someone you don't know well. I can't travel to these places if I don't trust. It takes enormous trust."

"Oh, I think some girls go there, or try to go there, even with men who aren't trustworthy. That's what gets them into trouble."

I'm sure he's right, but I can't imagine it myself. I can't envisage being able to 'let go' with someone you don't love; maybe someone with whom you have developed a deep bond. I'm not entirely sure. I've had so few partners in my life. I know my desire to 'belong' is likely to be an issue in such a scenario. I know myself too well to believe that I can give that much to a man who doesn't think of me as 'his' - all pure speculation anyway.

I've heard of some people who are able to obey - to do things that don't turn them on; day after day. There isn't necessarily arousal in it for them; or at least, certainly not all of the time. Well, there is duty, isn't there? I have to go now and sort out the kitchen and the laundry and I am not getting any arousal out of the thought of doing that. I just know I'll be pleased when it is done and I can move onto something more fun.

Being a man's 'submissive' is like that - we aren't going to like all the things we have to do and we aren't going to be aroused by obeying all the time. Sometimes, we do it because we have to; enough said.

However, I'm the greedy sort. "It isn't always about arousal, bimbo" I'm told, from time to time. The thing is a direct command does arouse me. In the bedroom especially I do what I'm told instantly; I take what I'm given, without a shred of complaint. It is profoundly arousing to me. I give but, oh boy, do I receive!

It's the inability to partake in this 'give and take' that has so ailed me this year. As I said before, something had to give and it delights me to say that he did indeed give, and take.