When I am immersed in activities of the mind, using every ounce of intellect I have to create a piece of writing that appeals to academics, I can hunger for some time when I must make absolutely no decisions. When the opportunity comes I grab onto it, luxuriating in the experience of simply following instructions - instructions that are designed for my pleasure (and challenge).
What is hard becomes easy. It doesn't matter what the expectation is for whatever it is I go about filling it. The instruction doesn't pass through my mind but rather 'the bimbo' hears the instruction and immediately, without any thought at all, fulfills it.
Maybe, I know that I can be delivered from excruciatingly boring thought; or from my own expectations of excellence, or from having to climb one more intellectual mountain. Maybe, my mind has been trained to obey. Maybe, I equate challenge and obedience with pleasure.
It's so wonderful to feel myself for these times; to let go of societal expectations to be a certain way. How ironic, it seems to me that the 'postmodern' society paints us into boxes that it is meant to free us from. If I want to be controlled; to give up control; to let go of the role of 'emancipated female' then why can't I?
It drives me up the wall that it is I that is seen as old-fashioned or behind the times when I am simply arguing for the right to express myself and my desires; to be myself. They aren't other people's desires; simply my own. I ask no-one to change. I ask for respect of my desire to give up control rather than have more. Who knew the 'postmodern' society could be so constricting?
What is hard becomes easy. It doesn't matter what the expectation is for whatever it is I go about filling it. The instruction doesn't pass through my mind but rather 'the bimbo' hears the instruction and immediately, without any thought at all, fulfills it.
Maybe, I know that I can be delivered from excruciatingly boring thought; or from my own expectations of excellence, or from having to climb one more intellectual mountain. Maybe, my mind has been trained to obey. Maybe, I equate challenge and obedience with pleasure.
It's so wonderful to feel myself for these times; to let go of societal expectations to be a certain way. How ironic, it seems to me that the 'postmodern' society paints us into boxes that it is meant to free us from. If I want to be controlled; to give up control; to let go of the role of 'emancipated female' then why can't I?
It drives me up the wall that it is I that is seen as old-fashioned or behind the times when I am simply arguing for the right to express myself and my desires; to be myself. They aren't other people's desires; simply my own. I ask no-one to change. I ask for respect of my desire to give up control rather than have more. Who knew the 'postmodern' society could be so constricting?
Frustrating, isn't it? :)
ReplyDeleteWe all just want to be allowed to be ourselves, without being judged negatively for it. But society isn't like that; it encourages Conformity.
Conformity is defined as "a type of social influence involving a change in belief or behavior in order to fit in with a group". It's like emotional gravity - it takes much less effort to fall in and conform and be part of the whole than to break away and hover apart. Most people conform in some form or other, whether that's shaving their arm pits or wearing a bra or keeping the house clean or celebrating birthdays or having their baby sleep in a crib. None of the above are actually proven to make for a better outcome in life; we do them because we are under constant pressure to fit in and it's just harder work not to. But when there is something really important to us that runs against societal norms we are faced with a difficult ride as our heart and head give us conflicting advice.
This is when we should just let go of the meanings that we have attached to those behaviors and to hell with what others think. But to do that, we must also be prepared accept the consequences.
In the case of the change for women's rights, many people fought hard and suffered greatly for that cause. They saw it as a woman's undeniable right to be allowed to pursue the opportunities that men were offered. Perhaps that's why your desire to slip back into powerlessness is so difficult for some to swallow.
I guess people will always get hurt along the road to change and scars are slow to heal. We have to either be prepared to live with that fact, or find contentment where we are.
Which will you choose?
Rollymo: There's a certain amount of conformity that is essential. I did 'Political Philosophy' at university and my second year was spent with this academic whose book we studied trying to prove the point that if, say, the road signals suddenly weren't there, we'd sort it out. 'Bull shit', I'd think. There would be anarchy with the most aggressive of us making for chaos on the roads. So, I don't mind some conformity. But, I do get angry (and anger is a call to action) when an academic interferes with my creative practice. For instance, I had a late 50s man in 1982 complimenting a woman half his age on her dress, at the commencement of an interview. The women who takes this particular subject commented on the "sexist remark" and felt it placed the piece at an earlier era. But, I distinctly remember men of that age in that era feeling free to remark on the attractiveness of a girl. It was right before all the Ms changes and the sense given to men that they dare not be charged guilty of sexism. I brought it up with two groups of women yesterday - groups that ranged from mid 30s to 70 something and every single one of them agreed that they adore compliments from men and think it ridiculous that this should be viewed as a sexist remark in any era. So, I'm meant to conform to the 'postmodern' era thinking. Now, I am a feminist in the sense that I think that women should feel free to chase after their dreams no matter what they are, just as I hope that all people can do that, no matter what their sex or where they live. I'm not into giving more power to women than to men per se, though I am into encouraging the feminine side of both sexes in the sense of the 'caring' aspect. As I said to the first group "I want to experience the polar opposite of myself". They all agreed that they wanted that too. So, are we being asked to take on a new societal 'norm' when really we don't actually agree with the more strident feminists? Do those who make the most noise always get to decide for the rest of us?
ReplyDeleteYou're right to be angry with your tutor IMHO. I have never understood why complimenting anyone on their appearance could be construed an affront to their dignity or status. Like you I am all for equal opportunity but the pendulum has swung the other way and, especially in the media, women now exhibit attitudes to the opposite sex that they were fighting so strongly to stamp out when the boot was on the other foot. Men are so often portrayed as pathetic, bumbling idiots to be patronised and pitied or sex objects to be toyed with, it's no wonder boys have no role models to aspire towards. Whatever happened to mutual respect?
ReplyDeletePersonally speaking, I don't shy away from complimenting women on their appearance and do so at every opportunity when I think it is deserved. On station platforms, in checkout lines at supermarkets, at parties, even at work if the occasion permits, I dish out compliments like confetti. But never the "wow you look hot" type of compliment. I leave that to the ladettes who think it's okay to talk in that lewd manner. My compliments are more targeted and precise - "I love your hat, it's rare these days to see someone so well turned out for the train", or "you look fabulous, it's great that you painted your nails to match your shoes", or "I hope you don't mind my saying, you really do look stylish. You're a sight for sore eyes on such a dreary morning."
I've never once received anything other than a broad smile and at least a word or two of thanks in return. I think it brightens everyone's day to receive a compliment, as long as it is genuinely and respectfully delivered.
Rollymo: That's lovely that you offer compliments. There is a lovely older gentleman that I see sometimes sitting in the coffee shop where I go to read some articles in a place away from my desk, and as he passed me recently to get some water he said, "I like your shoes." I thought it lovely of him. I think there are a lot of men who aren't sure if they have the right to say something or not, which is a pity.
ReplyDeleteThought you might find find these articles illuminating :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1028740/Accident-free-zone-The-German-town-scrapped-traffic-lights-road-signs.html
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/12.12/traffic.html
Who would think it possible?
rollymo: Thank you for the articles. At the moment, I can only scan them but I do get the gist. It would be delightful if this were to happen more. I think it would be a wonderful thing for people to demonstrate the more caring side of their nature. I think it all boils down (and I think the detail in the articles bear this out) to slowing down. It's a tough thing to get people to do because we all feel we have to race about, including me, but we did have our speed reduced to 50 km in neighborhoods and that's largely come to pass satisfactorily. As they say, the old methods don't work any more. In my city they've reduced space on the roads for cars and added bike lines. It has slowed down the traffic but made it very difficult to travel in the city, which is meant to get everyone onto trains (of which we don't have enough). It's fascinating to read of what is happening elsewhere and I hope it is as successful as it appears to be at this time. Thank you again.
ReplyDelete