The Knight

A girl seeks out and consents to a power exchange because she enjoys and desires to be controlled. The situation may not always go the way she would like, but fundamentally she is uplifted by the control of her, not to mention that she gets off sexually on the control. Sometimes, the control in a relationship isn’t so uplifting. Sometimes, the behaviour is more controlling than exhibiting control.

Often when I read about this situation, it is a ‘them versus us’ sort of discussion. The good guys control intelligently and with empathy and the bad guys are just controlling. But I’d venture to say that in any man’s life who considers himself a top or a dominant, there are moments of which he is not proud. Possibly, he was rather selfish in his younger days. Perhaps, he had issues with anger management or perhaps being controlling got him what he wanted, which was for the other person to do as he said. Perhaps he still is challenged by recognizing the difference between the two strategies to this day.

When we speak of submissive women, no matter what their accomplishments, we speak of women who want to please their men and have a giving sort of nature. They tend, if they feel it necessary, not to be slow in taking the blame for an argument or to feel that an upset was in some way their fault, even if it was not. In all likelihood, they are as capable of poor behaviour as any other person that walks this earth but they look to restore the harmony soon after and only feel right within themselves when the balance of power is restored.

It can therefore be surmised that should their dominant or top become controlling with them, they are particularly vulnerable. A submissive woman may be able to stand on her two feet in an economic sense or if she had to, but her strongest tendency in life is to find a strong, deep and abiding connection with a man on which she can depend for her needs. Controlling behaviour will lead to confusion and dismay but in the relationship she shares with him, she may feel that it is her responsibility to make it right nonetheless. She has placed herself in a most vulnerable position and before the thought of ever leaving pops into her head, she will exhaust all avenues to make it right.

There can be no doubt that in her mind she wants a white knight; a rescuer, a valiant and good man. This is no small order and older dominants who write in this space have earned their stripes most likely with many battle scars along the way that they could recount, but never will! It is completely absurd to say that the dominant is always right because along the way to where he is now, he most likely made dozens and dozens of mistakes. Wisdom is rarely found in the young, headstrong man; let’s face facts. It is no wonder that so many girls are fixated on ‘daddies’ because an older man provides the wisdom of a lifetime of mistakes whereas the younger man still has so many more to make. Let me be clear: I’m not saying that only old dominant men know what they are doing. Some men are born to lead and to control with finesse and intelligence and can do so no matter what their age, but they are the exception to the rule, I think.

My point is that it really is a worthwhile exercise for any dominant/top and for any submissive as well to consider what strategies a dominant may use to control her. Is he playing fair; acting with honour and as the white knight would? If a submissive fears her dominant or top, not the consequences of her actions but the physical or emotional toll of experiencing his displeasure, I suspect that the situation has wandered over to the side of controlling. We will displease dominants for sure, time and time again, because we are human. Disobedience and rebellion must surely get tiring to deal with, but if the submissive obeys out of real fear, that is a red flag.

It seems to me that the dominant should feel compelled not to use those age old manipulation tricks on his submissive. He has been placed in a position of trust and making her feel guilty whilst refusing to take any guilt himself, withdrawing from her should she displease, being passive-aggressive (stubborn or procrastinating), impacting her self-confidence and exaggerating (or minimizing) what she had done to get the upper hand are all strategies that don’t allow the submissive to think of her dominant as her shining light.

Of course, he will correct and discipline her but it needs to be logical, fair and reasonable. She needs to understand exactly what it is she had done; what she should do in the future and why. She’s a bright girl and she will see through the above strategies for what they are: manipulating the situation to his favour. And why did he manipulate the situation? Because he could! But, how many times is she going to fall for that before her feelings for him change? That is the real question.

In a power exchange there is always a boss; always the same person to take that role. The submissive should always know that it is not her. I believe that. At the same time, she never seeks a controlling dominant/top. She seeks a thinking, emotionally intelligent and mature man who will control her by the force of his evident good will towards her and love and affection for her.