Tapping into wisdom

When change happens, perhaps a cancer diagnosis of one member of a relationship, there will be a wave of emotions. Each person is riding the waves of their own emotions before they can come together to ride the waves together. It is a 'sink or swim' time as each person deals with their own fears.

It was Kubler-Ross who many years ago laid out the five stages of grief. In my earlier days I thought  Kubler-Ross's model of loss applied only to death and dying, but I've come to understand that the model applies to all types of significant grief and loss in one's life; perhaps the loss of good health, or the breakdown of a relationship. There is going to be denial, anger, bargaining, depression and ultimately, acceptance. It's just the way the brain works, it is thought. I have linked to an article here that does a great job of explaining the stages of leaving a toxic relationship and the justifications one can make of remaining in such a union.

Whether it is a diagnosis of ill health or the breakdown of a relationship, or a significant issue of a family member under your care perhaps, the thing is that it didn't just occur overnight. It wasn't just a wrong step here or there but multiple missteps and flawed thinking processes. The question then becomes, 'You are where you are. What are you going to do about it now?'

In the case of cancer, medical science tends to consider the body as a piece of apparatus. The body developed a problem, so let's get rid of the problem; slash and burn. Medical practitioners rarely have time or interest in looking at the reasons why your particular body developed this particular problem, but they do have some ways to assist and that's what they'll offer. It's always worth hearing what they have to offer.

It's interesting though that we know a lot now about how the body responds to stress, to emotions, to good nutrition or the lack thereof, to sleep or a lack of sleep. We also know a lot about hope, and how vital it is for the brain to develop a positive approach in the light of a  serious challenge. This material can make a real difference, potentially a life saving difference, especially when medical practitioners can't necessarily offer a satisfactory solution; when they offer next to no hope.

We are even coming to learn that not all tests ordered by the doctors to diagnose problems are necessarily safe. It happens in every life time that what was thought of as safe is sometimes later determined not to be safe, so it makes sense to have some healthy skepticism. For example, microwaves may not be nearly as safe as we once thought, nor are the dyes in some X-rays necessarily non toxic. We've taken a lot for granted in this modern world and now it's time to start rethinking the game. What is the wrapper around your hamburger actually made of? It's not just one little thing like a wrapper that matters but all the bits of a modern world that we inhabit that may not be good for our health or peace of mind.

Worrying about this won't solve anything but awareness of what we do and how we live will. We need to supersede the denial and the bargaining and so forth with action that matters. If, for example, one is given a cancer diagnosis, the important thing to do first is to stop and process. If it took years and years for your body to get out of whack and for a cancer to form, do you need surgery tomorrow morning?

It's not that I'm saying 'don't trust the medical profession' but rather 'put a little faith in your own body and your own self' to aid in the healing process.

Consider these options or additions to any plan devised:

1) Get rid of all the junk food out of your diet immediately. Eat plenty of colored fruits and vegetables, whole and juiced. Get into vegetarian cooking with plant based proteins such as quinoa in the recipes. Make sure you have plenty of garlic, ginger, pomegranates, and citrus. You'll find endless advice on the Internet about the best foods to heal cancer. Dark green leafy vegetables are wonderful.

2) Reduce the stress in your life. Focus on living your life in the Now and put the issues in your life into perspective. Rather than worrying a matter, see what you can do to take action to make the situation better. For every action there is a reaction. Choose wisely.

3) Meditate every day even if for just a few minutes. Get to know your own mind and what thoughts are trundling through it. Remind yourself you are not your thoughts and go home inside yourself to the peaceful soul that resides inside you. Giving your ego free rein is not going to work. Get in touch with your inner peace.

4) Maintain a positive attitude. Those people that beat cancer are those that believe that they can beat cancer, even visualizing cancer cells being broken down as they go through the healing process.

We've reached a stage where, thankfully, we have stopped dream walking through our own lives and giving the responsibility to other people to do the right thing. We are beginning to take responsibility for our own health, our own behavior and the consequences of foolish decision making.

It feels like we are at the precipice of accepting responsibility for our own behavior in countless ways and calling out those people when something doesn't make sense or doesn't feel right - economically, spiritually, financially, emotionally. We're learning to trust in our own judgment and that's always a good thing. We all have an inner wisdom. We just have to tap into that.

2015: Reflections

One of my Facebook friends asked the question, 'How would you sum up your 2015 in one word?' and this got me thinking. I asked my oldest son for his word and he immediately answered 'confronting'. When I asked why it was confronting he reminded me that one of his dearest school chums had died of an overdose in 2015. His grandfather, with whom he had developed a strong bond over the past years had become sick towards the end of the year and he'd visited him in the hospital almost every day until his death; spoken at his funeral; watched him return to the earth. His two best mates had moved overseas during the year and he'd broken up with his girlfriend with whom he was living late in the year as well.

From a career perspective or a business perspective, 2015 wasn't remotely 'confronting'; rather fast moving and successful. At work, he's the rising star. Like me, he immediately thought to base his one word to describe 2015 on his own personal feelings. It was internally, within himself,  where he'd been 'confronted' by life as it played out in the past year.

I've tried a few times to look back on my own 2015 and feel a bit lost for a single word to describe the past year in my life. I read over a few posts that I wrote here but they only prove that you can't judge what is happening to a person by the posts they publish on the Internet, any more than you can judge a young man by the image he projects in a well cut suit who is routinely getting on and off internationally bound airplanes  .

I can point to highlights of the year. We saw one of our sons graduate with his university degree. He has been challenged in his life by a condition that made school harder for him than it is for most young men but he excelled in the final year of his degree, proving yet again that you should never write a child off and that you should almost always allow a child to do that which turns them on.

Our daughter and her partner bought a house together and I am very proud to say that they did a wonderful job in the past year transforming it into a lovely home. I was a little shocked when I first saw it. It was a gloomy sort of place at first sight and thus they proved, yet again, that nearly anything can be made beautiful with tender, loving care and a lot of paint.

I managed to get my husband away to Japan and we thrived over there alone together. It showed me, if I needed any further convincing, that I do well in the 'help-mate' role being led; that play sessions where I submit to authority are transformational for me; that we make a good team, and that everybody needs some fun and adventure in their lives.

I graduated with my Master of Arts in front of all my family, except the son travelling, and I was very happy to have obtained this goal. I've earned by 'colours' and now it's up to me to do something with the qualification in this new year.

In the final days of the year I was beginning to drift off to sleep one hot night and as I looked about the room my eye settled on the chair in the corner of the room. I can tell you a fact about the chair; that we had seen it in a furniture shop together some years ago now and I'd expressed the fact that I thought it was a lovely chair. I can tell you that one day, several weeks later, I'd walked into the bedroom and there was the chair, a surprise he'd devised. But, it doesn't tell you anything about my feelings as my eye settled on the chair late that night at the end of 2015. Rather, I looked at the chair and thought out of nowhere, 'I'm happy in my life. Here. With him. I'm glad I stayed. What a relief I didn't succumb; that I stayed true.'

In truth, the word for my 2015 is 'challenging'. Towards the middle of the year I began to take 'selfies' of myself. I felt so flummoxed and at sea that I barely recognized myself when I looked in the mirror. The photographs showed me in no uncertain terms that I was deeply troubled. I'd look at them and wonder where I had gone; that person that had so often been referred to as 'ethereal' in the past. Yet, the photographs taken in Japan - and that's September/October - point to a transformation of my earlier troubled soul. I was happy, so happy, and it was evident; irrefutable.

Those readers who have been willing to continue reading here; to withstand my ups and downs through the years, may remember me writing about listening to a monk one Friday night. I'd taken my husband to hear him and together we listened as he told us that the purpose of life is to be happy; that everything flows from that.

I think the trick of life is to understand that nothing, good or bad, lasts forever. Life may be short but it's a long road and we will experience many ebbs and flows along the way. Holding onto what is authentic in our lives is key; listening to that voice, that deep down wisdom that we hold within each and every one of us about what is right and what is wrong.

Follow that voice. It won't lead you astray. Happy New Year.

Leaps of faith

I happened to mention to a friend that I often think back to Indianna Jones and his 'leap of faith' when I have to make a decision that might launch me into unknown territory. I was hinting at the fact that I wouldn't mind his opinion. Nothing.

I mentioned the Knight and how Indianna had got a little help from him, a nudge in the right direction...

"Choose wisely"

"Remember?" I hinted.

Of course, Indianna had first to make his 'Leap of Faith' before he got to the Cup, but I was rolling them into one sequence in the hope of making a convincing point.

Of course, this strategy did not pay off. He is far too much of a film buff to let me away with that, telling me to watch the scene again.

But, just before he dashed off he did, in fact, give me a great big hint.

"This was one step  in a long journey. Don't overthink it."

Perhaps, we make too much out of leaps of faith.

"You must believe."