A certain state of mind

I've had two glasses of white wine. I've read some things. I've had a conversation or two. It's been an indulgent late afternoon, in the main, and I find myself in a longing state.

I'm thinking of a time and  place where I am given a glass of wine and once the time for conversation has passed, being told to come to him. I am now on my knees in front of him as he continues to sit in his comfortable chair. I'm thinking of  a state where I am co-operative as he touches me gently on the lips with his lips, as he cups my breasts in his big paws, as he lifts my skirts and removes my panties. All the while I am co-operative, moving upon his direction; making it easy for him to achieve his goals.

I imagine him now laying me down on the carpet. I'm in a dreamy state already. Whatever he wants. I look up at him as he peruses me. Whatever you do, I think, for God's sake, manhandle me.

His erect and ready cock springs out from his pants and within seconds is deep inside of me. Lovely, life-giving cock. But, I'm older now; more submissive; more wanting; more demanding, if truth be known. I won't be satisfied until he has filled all my holes; until I feel like a completely used slut.

We began with polite pleasantries but we don't end until I'm nothing more than his whore; an object of desire; a hole that needs filling. That's the way it is these days.

Vesta 101

I was the perfect baby.
I was a quiet, easy-going, contained child.
I was a good student.
I won prizes.
I arranged my own childhood. I brought myself up.

I was always busy; reading, dancing, music.
I was a little mother to my brother.
I did well at university.
I dreamed of being a mother and a wife; having my own home.

I lack confidence in my own ability,
to the point of absurdity.

I chose a man who wants his own way with everything.

I like things to be under control.
I like things to be organized.
I like a clean, minimalist house.

My children tell me I am inclined to interfere
(but that's not true).
They know I love them with ferocity.
My friends know that I am different in some way
but are sweet and kind to me anyway.

I am law abiding
and hate trouble of any kind.

I avoid conflict.

I want harmony with all relationships
And struggle to understand cruel, unkind and selfish behaviour.

I occasionally lose it and at the weirdest moments.
I am always overcome with guilt at the consequences; that I hurt someone.

I have a huge capacity for joy that can express itself in the simplest moments.

I crave success at relinquishing control,
even though every nerve in my being can resist.

I am an enigma to myself.

There must be a shrink out there reading this dribble.

Why is this so?