This will be short. I don't mention it here too much or in my life generally, with the children or extended family or friends. I guess we are both being stoic, he and I.
However, I am the spouse of a man who has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and for some reason today I want to say that, to myself.
I want to acknowledge that I may lose, earlier than we ever anticipated, my husband whom I married 43 years ago.
One's brain does everything to save the Self pain and my brain is no different. I can assure myself my husband will beat the odds and be totally healed. It actually is possible.
The facts are thus: I would be devastated to lose him. I have loved him, and he has loved me for nearly 50 years.
I have the rather unenviable ability to imagine the future, of walking into our holiday home, a place he loves, when he is gone, and that moment fills me with intense sadness.
It makes me realize how very much I love him.
A note to self: to cherish each day.
Vesta,
ReplyDeleteI'm saddened to read about your husband. We are strangers, however if you should ever wish to vent, I will always have an ear.
NonyaB
ReplyDeleteYour kindness fills my heart. Thank you.
My husband has great resilience. He wants to make things right while he can and so he has put a lot of energy into achieving that end financially, at the cost of his own wellbeing really. I am pleased to report that he is getting close to where he wants to be and so soon, we can put our marriage first, walking together daily, meditating together, holiday and relaxation time together. He has already bought new toys so that's promising too!