Bondage

Sometimes, when nothing in particular is going on, it can seem that there is no opportunity for submission, or no expression of submission, or that one feels uncomfortably free. I know that feeling and can feel restless in that feeling.However, what is easily forgotten is that a sense of one's place, of feeling 'whole' in one's skin is actually often already there. We just may not be processing it correctly. Certainly, waiting is a form of bondage. We're in a position such as the one above according to a thought process inside our own heads. (It blows your mind when you really think about it this way.)

I've been denied doing what I am usually expected to do, and while at times I've processed that as being set uncomfortably free, it is an incorrect thought, because I'm never really more bound than being told that I can't do something that I am usually expected to do. Unless you've experienced this subtle form of correction you won't know what I mean. By the last day, desperation sets in to get back on track, trust me. The ties are even stronger in those situations because I'm in a sort of 'reverse bondage', just keen to get it over with and return to being pleasing. The bond hasn't diminished, just the feelings associated with being bound (or not).

On a day to day basis, I'm strongly bound by my efforts to be patient, understanding, tactful and good natured. I feel that strongly. There is, quite simply, no other way to live life happily in my own life but to be aware of my bondage in this way. I'm often challenged as I go about exhibiting tolerance and self-control, and should I err the sense of bondage is felt when I am immediately corrected. It's my place and my role to demonstrate these qualities. It's my particular daily bondage.

Whether one feels that being bound is a happy situation or an irksome one relates to how one processes these experiences and what one wants. I continue to feel my whole self when I feel quite tightly bound to another human being. It could be my desire for a sense of identity and belonging. It could relate to the fact that much thought about this matter assures me that I am most happy when I feel this sense of bondage quite mindfully, when it is ever-present.

Much of what a man wants of a woman when he is into being the leader and she is into following comes innately. It just happens. Other times, a man provides experiences for the woman to immerse herself in that feeling. That's a more erotic and loving kind of situation but both bound the woman. I've thought lately that one can't have one without the other, or I can't. I'm happy to be kept in my place through words if I can also experience the sort of bondage that makes my heart sing. Even erotic bondage on its own is not enough for me. That's a gorgeous sort of topping but I'm aware that if there were no restraints to my behavior I'd be inclined to test repeatedly. I want to feel a sense of bondage in every sense of the word. I think I process bondage as being safe, secure, stress free and sensual. It's the happy place in my mind.