However, if you are a woman born with a submissive nature and if your sexuality demands that you thrive in an arena of consensual non-consent, a husband is not enough for you. A husband cannot fulfill the needs which lie deep in your DNA and demand to be expressed.
What, then? Such a person (bimbo?) requires an owner, because it is only a man with a owner's mindset that can understand what this particular woman needs. On occasion, kisses and cuddles are delightful but they don't satiate the appetite of this entity. The only sort of thing that can truly whet the appetite of such a person is a masochistic experience; something that makes it clear that she is under the command of someone who will take what he wants, when he wants and how he wants. She needs to feel that all control has been taken from her; that she will suffer and endure what the dominant man wants; that it is her job to do as he desires and accept what he pleases to give; enjoyed or despised.
Of course, under the realm of loving dominance a man must be both protector and prosecutor; a man of valor and a villain; a good guy and a bad boy all rolled into one. This makes complete sense to her because she feeds off this sort of expression of his right to dominate her and abuse her; to denigrate and deface. She belongs to him, has been marked by him as a piece of property and this sort of spoil of his object is his choice; his right; his expression of ownership.
To be debased in this way, to be reminded of her connection to him and her place in the hierarchy of order of objects is to experience the deepest of connection. Yes, she feeds him and elevates him but he does the same for her. To be defiled in this way is to be reminded of her special place in his life; of the spirit with which she was born and of the uncontrollable urge to serve; to accept and to be liberated to the best part of herself.
P.S. If you'd like to read more about consensual non-consent this is a useful article.
Interesting concept. How does one reconcile the notion of having an inner moral compass with the idea of having absolutely no limits in what one would do for one's owner? Or is this part of the appeal, that one gives up the entire notion of humanity in the commonly appreciated sense in order to be simply a tool in the hands of another?
ReplyDeleterollymo; I can't even begin to imagine this sort of thing with anyone other than someone I loved deeply and who loved me deeply; in whom I could put my trust, to want my happiness and well being. The moral compass is a given because I'm not likely to ever love someone without a moral compass. This is the big problem with speaking this way on the Internet because it can be taken so literally as if one's common sense and brain isn't involved. I get a lot out of those times when I have given up all control. It is totally freeing, but all Dominants/Top must pay close attention to their own limits. If he did something to the submissive or with the submissive that went against her moral compass (not sure what that might be exactly as it depends on the person) then the house of cards falls down, or it would for me. But, what if he wanted to put a bag over my head, leave me chained to a bed for a few days; use me and degrade me? Well, in the right spirit, my moral compass isn't under any duress, since it is one of my fantasies and how glorious it would to have it played out. So, this is consensual non-consent; the sort of thing that turns both people on. Otherwise, it isn't going to happen, or shouldn't happen. It isn't concerned with the moralities of society. Thanks for the opportunity to explain that more.
ReplyDeleteVesta: thank you for explaining what consensual non-consent means to you. As I understand it then, your version does have limits, you simply need to have confidence that your partner knows them and understands them prior and will not exceed them? The example given in the linked article speaks of something different to me and this is why I asked. Human relationships are abound with examples of misjudement of partners, after all love is blind, therefore the notion of trusting ones fate entirely to another without ultimate reference to one's own code of morality or sense of reason seems flawed to my (trying to understand but struggling) perspective. For example, what if one's dominant secretly wanted to defacate in their mouth, or sever a finger, or render them permanently wheelchair bound, but had not yet expressed those desires? Where is one's guard against the inherent human fallibility of their partner when games like this are played?
ReplyDeleteRollymo: I simply can't speak to other people's relationship choices. I can only say that I quite enjoy being challenged and going beyond the point where I might think my limits lie. If the dominant wanted to do something that grossed me out I can't imagine that I would enjoy that on any level and we'd have to talk that through. I definitely do have my sensibilities. The article mentions interrogation scenes as an example, as I recall, and I remember thinking, 'wow, that would be really something', or another example is to imagine being kidnapped. It's scary but then I do enjoy a bit of fear. In real life, it is horrific but with a partner prepared to provide this sort of situation it is fear in a controlled way. My husband has, in the past, provided me with a scenario where he did nasty things to me in public. It was really thrilling to me. With respect, I think you're examples are just too extraordinary for the tenor of my thought processes here. To sever a finger??? Isn't that to suggest one's Dominant is a nutter? In that case, I'd not only not give my consent, I'd call the police and get him off the streets.
ReplyDeleteVesta: perhaps my examples are extreme but they are not without precedent. The example in the linked article thst caught my sttention was that of the domina who had her sub rob banks for her then eventually turned him in to the police when neither scenario appeared to br a secret desire or fantasy of his. If one is constantly being "edged" in the direction the dominant wishes to go there is no telling where one will eventually go. The point of non-consent is that it is just that; you don't have the ability to say no; indeed you have already agreeed that saying no is meaningless. Or am I misreading the situation?
ReplyDeleteRollymo: I think that it is probably best to separate out erotic instances from real life instances. When I wrote this post 'bimbo' was very much to the fore. My mind was in that space where giving up the right to say "no" is not only a turn on but a relief. It's a wonderfully relaxing experience for me to be told to just do it, to follow. It's very much what I want to be told by the other; that if he says I can do it, then I can. It's freeing and uplifting to have someone believe in you in this way. I recognize absolutely that not all submissives feel this way. In fact, I have no control over that response, but I have had that response enough times to be able to say that it does amazing things for me.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of robbing a bank, or even in terms of making a big financial decision that one does not think wise, it's a whole other question. One small example is an extended family member who felt he had no choice but to give his fiance the wedding and honeymoon of her dreams even though it was a rather foolish financial decision and really not necessary. They could still have had fun without the $10,000 dress and so on. We may agree to do things for our partner/husband/wife/Owner that are not entirely acceptable to us. I don't think, and I could be entirely wrong, that this encompasses consensual non-consent; at least, as I had in mind when I wrote this post. In the name of love (or something else?) we give in to the people in our lives. A mother may lie for her son, for example, to keep him out of jail, or a woman may be so besotted by a man that she signs away her home to him. It happens every day and it's an issue of setting limits; something that women with a submissive state of mind struggle with, for sure.
Honestly, I've never once been asked by a Dominant man to do something that goes against my morals in terms of the D/s relationship, though I remember being asked to purchase books that went straight to the man's private library and I felt in some way implicated in the deceit; very uncomfortable. In terms of D/s, I've been encouraged to make decisions on what feels right to me; cognitively and spiritually, so having a dominant insist that I do something that goes against my moral compass is something that I have not had to face. It must be hell to be asked to do that and in the end, I'd advise anyone to follow their instincts. It must feel right to them because ultimately they are responsible for their decisions. Arguing that you robbed a bank because some other person made you do it won't stand up in court.
But, in terms of the original post, I have on quite a number of occasions given my consent to have the right to say 'no' removed, in an erotic sense that is, and that's been very liberating, exciting and empowering. I must add, by way of explanation, that consensual non-consent does have its consultation process (sort of) - that is, a good and wise Dominant only pursues this with a person they know *wants* it.
P.S. Just realized the 'book buying' incident could be construed as D/s. It was in fact a boss/secretary relationship and I was asked to buy them and assumed they were for the company, since the company paid for them. He had the power and was giving a command but I did feel implicated. It's a nasty position in which to be placed, although I don't think that ever occurred to him.
ReplyDeleteVesta: thank you for explaining. I had not quite appreciated the presence of a form of consultation beforehand though now you come to mention it, that would seem to be obvious in a relationship where each cares deeply for the other and always tries to make the other happy. When you put it that way, it does seem that it would be very enjoyable and "freeing" if you are able to let go and simply ride it. I am glad you have had the good fortune to experience that.
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