As a woman interested in fashion and an admirer of beautiful things, I acquired a relatively large wardrobe. As a woman who desired that sense of being owned to the point of adoring the object state, it wasn't going to be possible to hold onto that expansive wardrobe.
I divested myself of many articles of clothing and it felt ever so much better. But, what happened to me over the next few years is what happens to all of us if you aren't careful. Your wardrobe, your house and your life becomes uncomfortably filled with new things. I'd experience the pleasure of buying a beautiful scarf perhaps, only to feel low when I put it away with the many other beautiful scarves in my collection. Did I really need to buy another?
In fact, what had happened to me was that I had embraced the idea of having a wardrobe of clothing and accessories in good working order - not too little and not too much - but I had failed to take on part B of the dress code - that a purchase of a cardigan, say, meant that I needed to give away a cardigan I already had. To put it another way, if my cardigans were all still loved and in good working order, why was I buying another?
Sometimes, I see a bargain out there, a dress that is so well priced and flattering that I purchase it on the spare of the moment. The task in that case is to go home and find a dress to give away that this new purchase will replace. At times, this throws me into a bit of a state. I have to really search my wardrobe to locate something that is ready to be removed from the wardrobe. So far, I have always located an item because if I don't locate an item, back to the store the new dress must go. That's the rule.
Once upon a time, I would have found this dress code rule onerous and unpleasant. It would not have turned me on and I'd have felt resentful and underprivileged. Not any more. I thrive on my dress code, luxuriate in the time taken to consider an addition to the wardrobe and often discover that in the few days taken to consider the item I decide that it is an unnecessary purchase and one that I can certainly do without. If I do decide I want it and purchase the garment, it is with clear intention and understanding that the garment is needed, much loved and desired, and will be worn more or less immediately.
As time has gone by I've realized that I honestly do thrive under control and my dress code is an important aspect of that control. It takes me deep into the object state which for me is very much desired.
I divested myself of many articles of clothing and it felt ever so much better. But, what happened to me over the next few years is what happens to all of us if you aren't careful. Your wardrobe, your house and your life becomes uncomfortably filled with new things. I'd experience the pleasure of buying a beautiful scarf perhaps, only to feel low when I put it away with the many other beautiful scarves in my collection. Did I really need to buy another?
In fact, what had happened to me was that I had embraced the idea of having a wardrobe of clothing and accessories in good working order - not too little and not too much - but I had failed to take on part B of the dress code - that a purchase of a cardigan, say, meant that I needed to give away a cardigan I already had. To put it another way, if my cardigans were all still loved and in good working order, why was I buying another?
Sometimes, I see a bargain out there, a dress that is so well priced and flattering that I purchase it on the spare of the moment. The task in that case is to go home and find a dress to give away that this new purchase will replace. At times, this throws me into a bit of a state. I have to really search my wardrobe to locate something that is ready to be removed from the wardrobe. So far, I have always located an item because if I don't locate an item, back to the store the new dress must go. That's the rule.
Once upon a time, I would have found this dress code rule onerous and unpleasant. It would not have turned me on and I'd have felt resentful and underprivileged. Not any more. I thrive on my dress code, luxuriate in the time taken to consider an addition to the wardrobe and often discover that in the few days taken to consider the item I decide that it is an unnecessary purchase and one that I can certainly do without. If I do decide I want it and purchase the garment, it is with clear intention and understanding that the garment is needed, much loved and desired, and will be worn more or less immediately.
As time has gone by I've realized that I honestly do thrive under control and my dress code is an important aspect of that control. It takes me deep into the object state which for me is very much desired.
As a fetishist for a certain form of clothing, my immediate thought when reading the title of this piece was that it concerned rules and constraints about the way one dresses. This being also the more common interpretation of the phrase 'Dress Code' I was surprised that the piece actually makes no mention of the style in which Vesta must dress or constraints and demands around that. Is she also constrained in this way?
ReplyDeleteThe idea of getting rid of a certain article of clothing when one buys another is very sane and sensible thinking. Many of us in Western society are drowning under the weight of all the material objects we have collected and really do need to de-clutter. There is great wisdom in the recognition that material possessions, in and of themselves, do not bring happiness. A recent study (can't find the source right now, much to my frustration) attempted to determine what gives the most 'bang for your buck' when it comes to bringing happiness. Many shoppers were questioned about their purchases across a broad range of purchase types. It turns out that the purchase of material possessions, though the main focus of most Western shoppers, does not increase the happiness of the buyer in any significant measure. We all may think we will be happier with the latest gizmo or the fashionable handbag but the pleasure of the purchase is remarkably transient. The study found that people tend to gain the greater and longer lasting happiness when spending their money on experiences such as holidays, retreats, adventures etc rather than 'things' as these generally bring enrichment in some form and memories that can either be treasured or at the least make a good story to tell our friends. So for example, spending $100 on lunch once a month with a friend brings far greater happiness than spending the same money on electronics. But the study found that still greater happiness can be gained by spending our money on others. So for example, if one forgoes their regular tea latte from the local coffee shop and instead buys that drink to give to a stranger, the happiness in doing so is vastly increased.
But this is perhaps wandering off topic. I can certainly see how the element of self control applied by Vesta increases the enjoyment of the original purchase as it increases the meaning attached to the article by the fact that another treasured piece must give way. And that in itself is a clever way to increase happiness while maintaining strict control over her wardrobe, whether or not one views this within the context of D/s.
Rollymo: This should help you out: http://vestassubmission.blogspot.com.au/2009/10/more-or-less.html
ReplyDeleteI only read this quickly over now myself.
I tend towards dresses in summer and skirts in winter. I have a very small number of pants that I wear in those situations that require pants or occasionally in winter when I feel like snuggling up in a pair of casual pants. 99% of the time I'm in a skirt or a dress. There is no-one keeping tabs on me re all this. It's something I do for myself. Heaven knows all the reasons why but I like to keep things lean these days. These limits definitely bring me pleasure in a way that multiple purchases can never do.
Thanks Vesta, I had not read that particular posting. I like the idea of your buying only items of clothing that make you feel more feminine - that's a great principle. My instincts tell me that you would prefer that someone imposed control over your appearance, but I get that not all partners are so inclined.
ReplyDeleteI was once in contact with an individual who hated being cold and who had a self-imposed (and excessive) dress code that varied strictly according to the outside temperature. She enjoyed the feeling of wearing many layers of clothing, which also served a practical purpose in keeping her warm, sometimes too warm, at which point she had to apply great self control to keep to her self-imposed dress code throughout the day. The upside of this was that her body adapted to the warmth over the years and she was gradually able to increase her regime of dressing excessively, much to her delight. We all find a way to express ourselves in the end, so long as we have the courage of our own convictions. I'm glad you are sticking to your chosen path.
I have found the link to the article I read concerning how we can spend more wisely to increase our happiness:
http://theweek.com/article/index/247580/the-secret-to-smarter-and-happier-spending
It's also the subject of a book: "Happy money - the science of smarter spending" by Dunn and Norton.
Enjoy your day!
R.
Rollymo: Thank you for the link. The idea of experiences making for more happiness than things is interesting. Giving up something you like to do for a week or so is interesting too - creating more pleasure in the long run, I guess. There is some aspect of my personality that simply prefers being mindful of whatever I do as much as possible. I can mindfully purchase something and get much pleasure out of it. I have a problem with waste, I think.
ReplyDeleteThese days being overheated is difficult for me. I'm not subject to hot flashes, thank goodness, but I'd rather be cold than hot. One part of me wants to try the hot yoga but another part of me knows that I'd be the one banging on the door to let me out.