Showing posts with label orgasm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label orgasm. Show all posts

Monday, September 16, 2024

Feeling owned

 On a podcast I once listened to, the man made the statement that a woman's orgasm has the potential to be so much more profound than the best male orgasm; that a clitoral orgasm is more like a male orgasm, over fast.

A dominant partner, perhaps more than most people in more vanilla relationships, has the ability to induce a significantly more profound orgasm. To call it an orgasm isn't really correct since it's more like a long body of sensation. I am aware personally than the orgasm can last minutes but believed the podcaster when he reported that the pleasure response can go on for hours.

This sort of orgasmic, intense pleasure response is only available to me when I submit. I have to feel some 'do as you are told' dominance over me, and I have to melt into that dominance. For me, and I suspect of a multitude of women, some measure of pain induces that sense of submission. It's a voluntary thing, one let's go, and in that letting go into some pain, some part of the brain is prepared for a total release of intense, even over-the-top sensation. All power is given over to the dominant to induce the intense pleasure response and for as long as it pleases him to do so. It ends when he says it ends and knowing this, the brain and body just keep responding in the same way.

When I was younger, I could give myself a pretty intense orgasm; nothing like one that is given to me. However, when fully involved in my fantasy life, my body could be relieved of the buildup of desire.

Now, I am completely reliant on the dominant giving me the gift of an intense vaginal orgasm. If there were no other reason to submit and obey, this fact of the matter would be more than enough.

When we were on holiday recently, I asked someone showing us various sites if there was a place he could take us to look at silver jewelry. My husband was keen to procure for me a 'slave bracelet'. Our new friend very kindly drove us to a store filled with thousands of items, but I do have some skills in discarding everything except that which piques my interest and I fairly quickly identified a bracelet that would suit our needs. It was to be my ownership bracelet; one worn every day to mark the agreement between us and so it needed to be selected carefully.

It is silver, with three bars of 18 carat gold in the design allowing me to wear it with any other piece of jewelry.  It fits quite snugly on my wrist and has a solid closing. This was important to me because I didn't want to be worrying about the possibility it might fall off my wrist.

Since it was a piece from a store well out of the way of shops in an Asian country, the price was quite affordable at the same as the quality was high. My husband wanted to be sure this was the bracelet for me, and I wanted to be sure he loved it as much as I did. That's all either of us wished to know.

Rules don't come easily to my husband. He's a preoccupied person and I think he doesn't care to supervise me. To be sure, he lets me know if he isn't pleased with me, but close supervision of me just isn't his thing. Speaking respectfully, and keeping our lives running smoothly is expected, but nothing is front and center of his mind to demand of me on a daily basis. 

So, to wear this bracelet every day is especially significant to me. I haven't given up on including more into our dynamic, but this is a lovely addition, and I am noticing that as I navigate the world outside the house, it is providing me with a grounded presence.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Feeling State Theory and Intense Sex

I am becoming familiar with Feeling State Therapy. An example was given of a young woman who was crying herself to sleep every night because she missed her boyfriend so much. They had recently broken off their relationship.

The therapist asked her to think of a time that was particularly memorable with her boyfriend and she remembered immediately a time when they went dancing. She was asked how that make her feel and she replied that at that moment she felt "special" which is, of course, a perfectly normal and natural human desire.

There were lots of aspects of their relationship that she didn't miss and hadn't enjoyed but dancing with him, feeling special, had become associated with him, and she missed that feeling, more than she missed him, which was quite a revelation to her. This conversation eased her loss of the relationship and she stopped obsessing and stopped crying too. Now, she was free to find the feeling of being special in some new way other than feeling it all hinged on her boyfriend.

This prompted a somewhat new line of thought for me. I thought about the times when I have felt elated, buoyant, fully present and alive and I would have to say, as sluttish as it is going to sound, that I have felt most thrilled and exuberantly happy and authentically me when I have had sex in something of a primal way.

I remember once thinking that if a man gives a woman an intense full body sort of orgasm, in her mind regardless of their future projectory, they would be somewhat wedded for life. That is, in the corner of her mind, no matter how far into the distance the experience was, she would hold a torch for that man. For example, I remember once an orgasm so overtaking of my senses and so overwhelming that my mind completely shut down in a total yogi sort of way. I go to that particular second in time quite often and relive it in my mind and my body because it was a moment that stands out to me as one of the most significant moments of my life.

I don't think I felt "special" or that I "belonged" or that I was "cared for", the big things that people desire. I just felt authentically me. I felt...alive. I felt..."free". Yes, feeling free is a big human desire of some people.

If we associate our big desire with a person, or a thing, we get some addictive or obsessive thinking going on. I know this from experience. In Feeling State Theory I believe the idea is that if it is not possible to feel free with that person any longer for whatever reason, it's the therapist's job to help the client find some other way to feel free, or whatever it is they desire to feel.

It seems that for some of us, intense sexual experiences are deeply desired and freeing, and there's nothing wrong with that, so long as you embrace that with someone who also wants to give you those intense experiences, and that this arrangement works into your life in a harmonious way. It's perfectly simple really, in theory anyway.