New and old frontiers

 I did a short course over the weekend on Sound Healing. In there, I became a little curious about astrology and the Gene Keys. So, I plugged in my birthdate and a few other details and up came my profile. 

Some of the material I related to. Other bits of information didn't resonate with me. The sentence that I found most confusing was one wherein I was told I am at my best when a leader and when working with a group.

I can't help but wonder where the connection in my mind between 'slavery' and 'eroticism' came from. Did I see 'The Story of O' when I was impressionably young? 

I also did some research into the Feminine Core Wound and this material brought up that I need to tap into my inner vitality; that my feminine core wound was dissatisfaction.

It's interesting to me that in my life I have sought the assistance of three mental health professionals. The two men discarded my thought that perhaps I should be achieving something out in the wider world. The female psychologist got me doing academic work that would lead to endeavors, possibly with other people but probably not.

There is, however, a common thread through all this material: that I should seek to be a positive influence on as many people as possible, through whatever field.

I can feel deep within me, and have done so for months now, a yearning to launch into something, but you know what comes up and has been coming up for some time? To go find a dance studio. My deepest desire is to move.

Somewhere in my Gene Keys profile I read that I was ahead of my time. I am meant, it was written, to offer the world something new and fresh; something that it hadn't seen before. Man, the responsibility!

It was also written somewhere that I needed to be aware of beauty. Now you are talking my language. I had a strong desire for many years to have a store with the name 'Beautiful things'. It was felt that in filling a store with all things I found beautiful, it may not lead to commercial success necessarily. Beauty is after all, in the eye of the beholder.

It's all a bit confusing right now. I can say this. The soundscape I was sent to heal my feminine core wound was wonderful. I immediately fell to sleep for two and half hours in a profoundly transformative way. I woke heavy and almost, but not quite, touched on the moment of my conception. I know that sounds weird but sound therapy is a weird and most wonderful thing. More on that soon.

I am left with the mystery of it all. A sense of mystery is a good thing and maybe as close as we can get to what lies beyond.

Feeling owned

 On a podcast I once listened to, the man made the statement that a woman's orgasm has the potential to be so much more profound than the best male orgasm; that a clitoral orgasm is more like a male orgasm, over fast.

A dominant partner, perhaps more than most people in more vanilla relationships, has the ability to induce a significantly more profound orgasm. To call it an orgasm isn't really correct since it's more like a long body of sensation. I am aware personally than the orgasm can last minutes but believed the podcaster when he reported that the pleasure response can go on for hours.

This sort of orgasmic, intense pleasure response is only available to me when I submit. I have to feel some 'do as you are told' dominance over me, and I have to melt into that dominance. For me, and I suspect of a multitude of women, some measure of pain induces that sense of submission. It's a voluntary thing, one let's go, and in that letting go into some pain, some part of the brain is prepared for a total release of intense, even over-the-top sensation. All power is given over to the dominant to induce the intense pleasure response and for as long as it pleases him to do so. It ends when he says it ends and knowing this, the brain and body just keep responding in the same way.

When I was younger, I could give myself a pretty intense orgasm; nothing like one that is given to me. However, when fully involved in my fantasy life, my body could be relieved of the buildup of desire.

Now, I am completely reliant on the dominant giving me the gift of an intense vaginal orgasm. If there were no other reason to submit and obey, this fact of the matter would be more than enough.

When we were on holiday recently, I asked someone showing us various sites if there was a place he could take us to look at silver jewelry. My husband was keen to procure for me a 'slave bracelet'. Our new friend very kindly drove us to a store filled with thousands of items, but I do have some skills in discarding everything except that which piques my interest and I fairly quickly identified a bracelet that would suit our needs. It was to be my ownership bracelet; one worn every day to mark the agreement between us and so it needed to be selected carefully.

It is silver, with three bars of 18 carat gold in the design allowing me to wear it with any other piece of jewelry.  It fits quite snugly on my wrist and has a solid closing. This was important to me because I didn't want to be worrying about the possibility it might fall off my wrist.

Since it was a piece from a store well out of the way of shops in an Asian country, the price was quite affordable at the same as the quality was high. My husband wanted to be sure this was the bracelet for me, and I wanted to be sure he loved it as much as I did. That's all either of us wished to know.

Rules don't come easily to my husband. He's a preoccupied person and I think he doesn't care to supervise me. To be sure, he lets me know if he isn't pleased with me, but close supervision of me just isn't his thing. Speaking respectfully, and keeping our lives running smoothly is expected, but nothing is front and center of his mind to demand of me on a daily basis. 

So, to wear this bracelet every day is especially significant to me. I haven't given up on including more into our dynamic, but this is a lovely addition, and I am noticing that as I navigate the world outside the house, it is providing me with a grounded presence.