I grew up on 'The Dick Van Dyke Show' and then 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show'. I loved Mary's ability to be funny, to be forthright, to be honest and hardworking. I admired her ability to get up and get on with life even when things weren't necessarily going her way. She was a mixture of standing up for what she believed was right and yet not rocking the boat too much that there was hurt. She 'got' Mr Grant, and now that I think about it, maybe some of 'Mary' rubbed off on me; finding something noble in trying to get into the shoes of the other person; really trying very hard to understand where the other person was coming from; the humor in that process.
Mary certainly made me laugh and particularly in those moments when the other person was so...wrong. Mary could see that. We could see that she saw it, and we loved her all the more for not pointing it out or making a fuss of that; just letting them be who they were and working with and around those people.
In reality I think Mary Tyler Moore didn't feel that Mary was her; that she didn't possess Mary's qualities, or at least not all of them. I have been watching today interviews she gave, because I'm processing her death by doing that, and in one interview she commented that she possessed some of the qualities of Beth Jarrett, the repressed mother in 'Ordinary People' who loses her eldest son. When asked why she refers to Beth's perfectionism and her high expectations, and that's one thing about Mary, the real Mary, that I did instinctively feel myself. It oozed out of her, I felt.
Roger Ebert referred to Beth Jarrett as "selfish" in a review and there's no doubt that Beth did have a hard time giving of herself, whether that was to her young son who was in so much turmoil over the death of his brother or whether it was her husband who wanted to reveal his own grief to her. So long as they pretended that they were not damaged people, all was well with Beth. It was when they refused to uphold this pretense that things went wrong.
I have immense respect for the Tyler Moore's honesty in her interviews and in her autobiography. I have not read it but the interviews about it make clear that she didn't shy away from the dark parts of her life, only leaving out those parts that would have hurt those still living. The alcoholism, she thought, related to her genetics. Maybe. She referred to the drink taking off the edges of a difficult day.What we do now know is that any addiction is used to medicate an intolerable reality. It is our way of 'coping'; of finding relief. All the success in the world, the affection of the world, isn't enough if one's inner world is intolerable.
It was said on the Larry King Show in an interview with Mary that those who haven't had enough love and affection in childhood tend to gravitate to show business. I don't know about that. Certainly, many 'show business' people are quite shy away from the stage or the camera but there are a host of ways to go when you don't feel that you got your fair share of love and attention as a child.
We were watching the Federer/Wawrinka tennis match last night when I cuddled up to my husband, sorta spleyed over him, looking for a dose of attention. He wasn't comfortable. He made that clear and I made a move to relieve myself of being a burden. He caught me with one arm and pulled me back and told me to lie still. I recognized the truth of the situation and I appreciated his demand that I stay where I was. He held me down with his arm and I felt secure. I am needy. I try not to be. I just am. This is an unconscious and a conscious need. All the knowledge in the world about self soothing doesn't change the fact that I want and crave particular attention.
So, this looking for love continues on. I'm loved. I know I am loved, but the need for regular reassurance of that love remains. I don't need the world to love me but I do need to know that I am loved singularly to be secure in that love. I want to hear the words. I want to see the feelings in action. This is the insecurity from childhood still at work.
On the flip side, as much as I love to have regular contact with those I love, enough is enough. I need time alone. My summers find me surrounded by loved ones and there reaches this point, every year, when I think, 'if only they could all be out of the house at the one time.'
When things get too much, I walk, except I can't quite now due to a sore ankle. So, maybe I write here, like now. So, maybe I berate myself about my weaknesses, like now.
A few days ago, as I drove my son to a doctor's appointment, I revealed that his friend, who had been with us for 5 days straight, along with other friends who had visited for shorter periods, was driving me a little crazy. He got a bit defensive, as people who are criticized tend to do.
'Please don't take it personally. It's not just one thing. It's everything. Your father tends to come and dump his frustrations on me too. 'Here, I'm frustrated. Catch!' I just want one hour to myself. Is that asking too much?'
'Mum, how don't you get this?! Dad is always saying that to get things done well you need to give them complete focus. So, use his logic back on him. That's what he understands. Explain that you need to sit and do your project for a while and you're going to need to give it your complete focus. It's that simple. I do that all the time.'
Of course, by now, I'm laughing. Like Mary, I get people's quirks and my own quirks when they are presented to me in that laughable way. We're all mad in our own ways. That's the thing. That's the thing I get, most of the time, and when I don't get it, I'm taking myself, and life, much too seriously.
Mary Tyler Moore was pretty hard on herself, I think. She really wanted to be her best self and she had trouble living up to her own high standards. I get it. It's endemic in my family. It doesn't feel particularly strange to be this way in this family. Fortunately, we marry that with humor; plenty of laughter. If you must be nuts at least be nuts and funny at the same time.
I do believe that the life you see and experience is a reflection of how you feel about yourself and how you are processing life internally. With love in your heart and a sense of comfort in your own skin the world is a far more beautiful place. I know this and I berate myself when I fall short of these standards I set.
'I am love.
I give love.
I receive love.
I let go.'
I say these lines to myself as I sit with myself on my cushion and when I rise the world is more beautiful.
There is no possession, no accomplishment, no skill, that can take the place of the feeling of love in one's heart. This is what we learn as time goes by.
Mary certainly made me laugh and particularly in those moments when the other person was so...wrong. Mary could see that. We could see that she saw it, and we loved her all the more for not pointing it out or making a fuss of that; just letting them be who they were and working with and around those people.
In reality I think Mary Tyler Moore didn't feel that Mary was her; that she didn't possess Mary's qualities, or at least not all of them. I have been watching today interviews she gave, because I'm processing her death by doing that, and in one interview she commented that she possessed some of the qualities of Beth Jarrett, the repressed mother in 'Ordinary People' who loses her eldest son. When asked why she refers to Beth's perfectionism and her high expectations, and that's one thing about Mary, the real Mary, that I did instinctively feel myself. It oozed out of her, I felt.
Roger Ebert referred to Beth Jarrett as "selfish" in a review and there's no doubt that Beth did have a hard time giving of herself, whether that was to her young son who was in so much turmoil over the death of his brother or whether it was her husband who wanted to reveal his own grief to her. So long as they pretended that they were not damaged people, all was well with Beth. It was when they refused to uphold this pretense that things went wrong.
I have immense respect for the Tyler Moore's honesty in her interviews and in her autobiography. I have not read it but the interviews about it make clear that she didn't shy away from the dark parts of her life, only leaving out those parts that would have hurt those still living. The alcoholism, she thought, related to her genetics. Maybe. She referred to the drink taking off the edges of a difficult day.What we do now know is that any addiction is used to medicate an intolerable reality. It is our way of 'coping'; of finding relief. All the success in the world, the affection of the world, isn't enough if one's inner world is intolerable.
It was said on the Larry King Show in an interview with Mary that those who haven't had enough love and affection in childhood tend to gravitate to show business. I don't know about that. Certainly, many 'show business' people are quite shy away from the stage or the camera but there are a host of ways to go when you don't feel that you got your fair share of love and attention as a child.
We were watching the Federer/Wawrinka tennis match last night when I cuddled up to my husband, sorta spleyed over him, looking for a dose of attention. He wasn't comfortable. He made that clear and I made a move to relieve myself of being a burden. He caught me with one arm and pulled me back and told me to lie still. I recognized the truth of the situation and I appreciated his demand that I stay where I was. He held me down with his arm and I felt secure. I am needy. I try not to be. I just am. This is an unconscious and a conscious need. All the knowledge in the world about self soothing doesn't change the fact that I want and crave particular attention.
So, this looking for love continues on. I'm loved. I know I am loved, but the need for regular reassurance of that love remains. I don't need the world to love me but I do need to know that I am loved singularly to be secure in that love. I want to hear the words. I want to see the feelings in action. This is the insecurity from childhood still at work.
On the flip side, as much as I love to have regular contact with those I love, enough is enough. I need time alone. My summers find me surrounded by loved ones and there reaches this point, every year, when I think, 'if only they could all be out of the house at the one time.'
When things get too much, I walk, except I can't quite now due to a sore ankle. So, maybe I write here, like now. So, maybe I berate myself about my weaknesses, like now.
A few days ago, as I drove my son to a doctor's appointment, I revealed that his friend, who had been with us for 5 days straight, along with other friends who had visited for shorter periods, was driving me a little crazy. He got a bit defensive, as people who are criticized tend to do.
'Please don't take it personally. It's not just one thing. It's everything. Your father tends to come and dump his frustrations on me too. 'Here, I'm frustrated. Catch!' I just want one hour to myself. Is that asking too much?'
'Mum, how don't you get this?! Dad is always saying that to get things done well you need to give them complete focus. So, use his logic back on him. That's what he understands. Explain that you need to sit and do your project for a while and you're going to need to give it your complete focus. It's that simple. I do that all the time.'
Of course, by now, I'm laughing. Like Mary, I get people's quirks and my own quirks when they are presented to me in that laughable way. We're all mad in our own ways. That's the thing. That's the thing I get, most of the time, and when I don't get it, I'm taking myself, and life, much too seriously.
Mary Tyler Moore was pretty hard on herself, I think. She really wanted to be her best self and she had trouble living up to her own high standards. I get it. It's endemic in my family. It doesn't feel particularly strange to be this way in this family. Fortunately, we marry that with humor; plenty of laughter. If you must be nuts at least be nuts and funny at the same time.
I do believe that the life you see and experience is a reflection of how you feel about yourself and how you are processing life internally. With love in your heart and a sense of comfort in your own skin the world is a far more beautiful place. I know this and I berate myself when I fall short of these standards I set.
'I am love.
I give love.
I receive love.
I let go.'
I say these lines to myself as I sit with myself on my cushion and when I rise the world is more beautiful.
There is no possession, no accomplishment, no skill, that can take the place of the feeling of love in one's heart. This is what we learn as time goes by.
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