Wednesday, April 6, 2016

'The Daughter'

I left the cinema after seeing The Daughter quite discombobulated. I hadn't realized then that the film is based on Ibsen's The Wild Duck. The story line, the weather and the location are bleak. In the last days of a dying logging town in Tasmania, Christian returns to his family home for his father Henry’s wedding. As he reunites with his friend Oliver from university days, he discovers a secret that could blow Oliver's family apart.

The movie is wonderfully set up to provide the audience with an intense emotional response. The daughter, Hedvig, is academically bright, the apple of her parents' eyes, and remarkably empathic. She assists her grandfather (Sam Neil) to tend for injured animals including, of course, the duck that Henry has shot down in the first frame of the film.

When Christian reveals the secret it crushes everyone in its path. No character in this story is spared the pain of the revelation. Yet, as the grandfather tries to explain to Oliver, 'Everyone's got a story like this. It's as old as the hills.' Secrets are, in fact, common as dirt.

Yet, we understand why this secret is such an explosion in Oliver's mind. Bright, he left university prematurely and has struggled financially and career-wise ever since. Hedvig will make up for all this. But, what is his relationship to Hedvig now that he knows about the past? Hedvig is the innocent party in all this but her beloved father can now not even look at her. The life she knew and assumed has vanished. It's all so tragic it is almost unbeable to watch.

The film asks us to explore what we tell and don't tell; that revelations are neither good nor bad in themselves. It is the havoc that a revelation can prompt that makes for careful reflection on the consequences of assuming responsibility for revealing secrets of the past. There's a great deal of selfishness, the film seems to be stating, by taking your own grief and distress and using it as an excuse to take actions that have dire effects on other people's lives; effects that cannot be foreseen.

As by-standers it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to understand what makes up a marriage or close relationship. It can seem the right thing to get involved, to give advice or to meddle. Who is to say that we hold the ultimate wisdom? I think the film asks us to ponder this question.

It's a very complicated thing, life. My daughter mentioned over a mother-daughter brunch this week that a girl had approached her, wanting to leave a boyfriend who was manhandling her. She didn't want the police involved and the lease for their apartment was in her name. She felt trapped; emotionally, financially and ethically. Basically, he was hurting her but she didn't want to hurt him. She was trying to contain the hurt for everyone by making some sacrifices herself. Until she is ready to take the next step, to take responsibility for her own self, no advice offered will be of much value.

It is interesting that as a member of the cinematic audience we can see quite clearly where people have gone wrong, but movies are designed to do that; to give life some sort of clarity. The reality is that we are all forced to make judgments about our behaviour that can impact other people. Every important decision demands that it is done with intention rather than impulsively. That people so often do act selfishly, impulsively and without regard for others, or even with the best of intentions but without a full understanding of the impact of those decisions, provides story tellers with endless dramatic material. They're not so much 'making up' stories as unpacking human frailty.

I'm not entirely convinced about this business of one person being responsible for the behaviour of another. As much as there is potential for power exchange to be made in heaven, I suspect that it is, generally speaking, subject to all the flaws of any other marital or long term relationship dynamic. To live in an erotic partnership where the role and purpose is well defined is ideal for some people and if it is not broken then there is no need to fix it. 

However, the human condition demands, I think, that we learn to take responsibility for our own actions and decisions. I think this is simply a part of human growth and maturity; that we learn to stand on our own two feet at the same time as we respect the fact that as human beings we desire and need human connection with other people.  We continue throughout our lives to learn to dance gracefully without stepping on other peoples' toes; at least, not breaking them.

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