It works for some people to have a 'scene'; to put down their day-to-day persona for a time and let their submissive or dominant side take over. When the scene is over, they can smile and even laugh about it and return to their usual mode of communicating and operating.
I've had conversations like this with people and I tend to listen and not say too much because I don't really relate or seek this myself. I recognize that this is what they want and I respect their position, but it's not what I want at all. Neither position is more right than the other or 'better', it's just that when people talk like this I get this sinking feeling, because it doesn't feel enough to me.
To be clear, I do enjoy a 'scene'. I have these with my husband. He 'captures' me, usually unawares, and I'm his, to do with as he pleases. Naturally enough, I enjoy these situations and I am enriched by them.
Afterwards, not all the time but often enough, we return to our usual mode of operating immediately. Sometimes, there are some lovely add on moments and feelings, a state of mind that extends beyond the scene. They are deeply felt experiences for me because I feel most myself when that 'bimbo' (small, contained, controlled and happy to be so) state of mind takes over my psyche and I can feel myself.
More and more, my spiritual (even religious) side of my being is connecting with my very strong and real desire to be taken over. There is a ritual of mine that aids me daily and in those moments I feel a sense of reverence, much as I do in moments in a Church. I'm aware that Man institutes religious practices but it doesn't prevent me from feeling deep peace inside a church; a fascination with sacred rituals such as sprinkling holy water on a coffin. I'm deep inside myself in those moments; connecting with some spring of life inside me that really longs to be tapped into. It is a sense of wanting to be 'taken over', under another's care and control, much as we understand on some level, if we are at all religious or spiritual, that we have no real control over what will be.
It occurred to me this morning that I so very much want to learn; more than ever before, in fact. If I were free to do so I'd go and seek out those who can teach me about the secrets of life; the wonders of the mind and belief; be in their presence; tap into their minds; learn. I do this already in my own way; read, absorb, take in the lessons they have to teach via their written words.
I have so much to be grateful for in my life. I can't complain. Yet, how blessed it would have been if I had understood and accepted myself for who I am so much earlier. How blessed it would have been to have been partnered with a man who quietly and unreservedly led me to a life wherein 'bimbo' was present constantly; a living and expressed entity that was supported day by day. I am loved, of this I am sure. Yet, I must admit I often don't feel cared for because it is 'the girl' who seems wanted.
Yet, bimbo leads. Bimbo insists on leading. Bimbo demands, every single day and there is nothing I can do about it.
I love thinking about the spiritual side of submission - beautiful post ava x
ReplyDeleteI identify with the point that there is a scene which is enacted and which, on occasion, lingers. But I too wish for ttwd to be a constant in my life. To be led, guided, accountable and to have consequences is what I yearn for. ALL THE TIME !! Love yoo for this post ! xxx
ReplyDeleteAva Grace: Thank you. I'm wondering what feelings it evokes for you, to think of spirituality as it pertains to submission. For me, it is something that has quite naturally evolved over time, maybe part of the process of just allowing the submissive feelings full rein, I am not sure.
ReplyDeleteJaney: Dom with Pen, a dominant, (on tumblr) made the point that he couldn't stand to submit. Most people have no interest in submitting. We want that. Hence, we want to feel the control of another person. Scenes are very nice but we want to feel that control right down to our core, practically all the time. So, if a dominant only does 'scenes' and/or provides inadequate reminders of the control he has, and that we want him to have, then we feel restless. Dominance comes from deep within but it's also an art form. It takes time and careful consideration; corrections and reminders. It takes focus. It truly is a gift to the submissive and, as well, provides him (or her) with the deep peace that he (or she) gives to their submissive. If we're not submitting they are restless. If they are not dominating, we are restless. Very simple really but the simply things are often the hardest.
Spirituality and submission are all tied together for me. One of the reasons, I think, why I was so enthralled with the church when I was a young woman is because I did not understand who I am, but the ritual appealed to me, and also the patriarchal teachings, because it spoke to my submissive nature. There was a pull there that defied logic.
ReplyDeleteI am no longer a believer, but I know I'm a spiritual person. I think when we can fully express who we truly are is when we are most in touch with our spiritual side.
Did I sign that last comment Susan aka July Girl? Cuz that was me. But I think you probably already guessed.
ReplyDeleteSusan: I find myself attracted to people with some degree of spirituality; not necessarily 'religious' but having an inner life and deep thought. It's an important part of who I am and it's always been this way. I gravitate to gentle souls.
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