Kinkiness is not a choice

I was beside my sister-in-law in her car some years ago when she made the comment that she wished she was 'straight'; that being gay had caused her many problems in her life, but she was who she was. That was all there was to that.

It was a piece of 'evidence' for me that being gay was not a choice because growing up I'd heard the opinion voiced many times over that gay people were often choosing to be gay. My sister-in-law's sexuality was never an issue for me, though it was cause for concern in her own family. I wonder if, subliminally, I related to her sentiments. It was before I had comes to terms with my own sexuality really but I still understood what she was saying.

I sometimes do have the thought that it would be easier to be non-kinky. I had it this morning. I happened to be on Facebook and a friend had posted a photograph of her oysters and champagne happily sitting on a table on the veranda of her holiday home waiting to be devoured. I thought, 'Wouldn't it be easy to be like her. I could get my kicks out of things like that and never have to visit the dark side again. Life would be one long party and I could be frivolous and think everything was "gorgeous"'.

However, that's not me. I didn't choose to be kinky, but I am. My spirit flies free when I am contained, instructed, corrected, spanked and used. When I am not particularly happy the reason is that this didn't happen any time recently. Sure, there are other reasons why I might be out of sorts with my world but so long as I have such experiences, I can cope. Life doesn't get me down for long so long as my submissive nature can soar.

My husband and I went away this weekend on our own and that has been a very rare thing for us, especially this year. It should have been lovely from the outset but the truth is that there were some tense moments. "Oh boy, you really need a fuck!" he said to me yesterday when my responses weren't too flash.

This morning he said, "Let's work in the garden for the first part of the day and if you're a good girl I'll fuck you in the afternoon." "Okay," I replied.

At lunch time it was time and he led me into the bedroom. He caressed me and blindfolded me; put my mouth gag in place. I started to relax. "Feeling better?" he asked. I nodded I did. "Now be a good girl and bend over the pillow for your spanking." Bimbo didn't hesitate.

He was using a paddle and he'd been using it for some time when he said that if I wanted more all I had to do was raise my bottom. No response. If I wanted to do that I could do that any time up until the count of 10. I raised my ass at 5. "Oh, you are hungry today."

More pain. More struggle. Some caressing. He repeated the instruction. Bimbo panted through to the count of 8 and raised her ass again. "Oh, you really are a little pain slut, aren't you?!" he said.

This time he thrashed. Ten hard and fast whacks of the paddle that had me screaming through the gag.

Part of him likes to think he hasn't been subverted; that he does it for me. But, he was aroused by the activity. There is no doubt about it, because after a long lovemaking session he bellowed like a bull and filled me with his semen; something that he hasn't done in a while. It pleased him and relaxed him in full measure.

I am sitting here now on a bruised and mark ass and loving every minute of it. I feel my old self. I feel...happy. Yes, the oysters and the champagne and the freshly mowed, immaculate looking lawn at the oh so perfect holiday house looked inviting, but I wouldn't trade it for satiation of my kink on any day. It's that important to me. 

Free will

Last night on Q & A the debate was about how to manage asylum seekers and then the subject matter turned to 'submission in marriage'. This isn't something that you see every night on Australian television and I listened with amazement as Peter Jensen, Anglican Archbishop of Sydney laid out his argument for women submitting to their husbands.

This was more about the men than the woman, he suggested. If a man makes a commitment to a woman to lay down his life for her, so to speak, then perhaps it is appropriate, if she so wishes, for her to submit to his authority. That's not a direct quote but I don't think the Archdeacon would disagree with the sentiment.

Of course, the sentiment on the panel, in the television studio amongst the audience and at home via Twitter updates demonstrated loud and clear that his proposition was overwhelmingly rejected. One of the major reasons why people were so aghast was because he suggested that perhaps gay people had a shorter life span. They also took umbrage that 'submission' should be along gender lines and people in loving relationships who chose not to marry were offended that their commitment was seen to be less serious than those who chose to say their marriage vows in public.

It became quite ugly really because Catherine Deveny was quite rude and intolerant and Chris Evans, Minister for Tertiary Education suggested that he had an ulterior motive for raising the debate and thought it entirely "inappropriate". It was a public lynching of sorts.

As someone who has a submissive nature and who takes great pleasure in a sense of submission I must admit that I wasn't at all comfortable with the discussion or with the notions raised by the Archdeacon. This is an incredibly private and individual matter and I'd no sooner say that someone should  think and act like me than fly to the moon.

I happen to get great joy out of doing what I do and thinking as I do, but I don't think it is for everybody, or even a great many people. I certainly don't think that submission should be seen as something across gender lines and I don't think there should be public debate about it. I do what I do because it makes me very happy but it's a free country and it is up to individuals to sort out what is best for them. This is a matter of free will (and the desire, or not, to give it up) and not at all a matter for the Church, in my opinion.