Deity

 In the kinky world he was Deity, maybe Mr D. For me, for many years, he was just D.

His words, many years ago, those written on his blog, struck a chord.

I wrote first. He'd talked about a sore leg, as I recall, maybe the dog too, and something made me reach me out and ask if he was okay?

Thus began an email and text exchange, and a sometimes complicated, but always rich and meaningful friendship.

Considerably younger than me, I sometimes 'mothered' him, or 'sistered' him, something he never appreciated but usually tolerated.

In latter times, when my worry about him would have me reaching out to his sister, he was angry with me. He could take care of himself, he said.

He was always sensitive; prone to feel the angst of the world so deeply. He would dive into the world of orchestral music for relief; meditated.

When he experienced grief a few years ago, he struggled to know what to do with it.

My concern would be relieved by a new burst of energy on his part and like this, it would go.

Worry. Relief. Worry. Relief.

It seemed a few months ago like his life was on track. We exchanged notes and he had a dream job, he said and was dating a "gorgeous" girl.

However, in the past few days I couldn't stop worrying about him, and last night I sent a note, please just write back and let me know how you are doing. 

How mysterious it all is. I experienced a stillness after I sent that note that was heavenly in nature. 

Peace.

I hoped to wake to a note from him but instead I had been sent an email from his sister with a link to his memorial service.

He was a complicated man, not easily understood and sometimes perplexing.

But he was a good man, wanted good things for the world and those he cared about.

He loved well. He had an extra good heart.

 Oh my goodness, but I will miss him.