Monday, July 12, 2021

Sexual types - kinky/energetic

I came across a test lately, via a podcast for the Heal Documentary that spoke of 5 sex languages; not the love languages we have known of for some time, but sex languages. I did the test. It turns out I am in equal parts 'kinky' and 'energetic'.

I could explain this in a couple of ways. Yes, I am kinky in that I love to be in a power dynamic. It's a great turn on for me. At the same time, I love anticipation, games; a bit of mind fuckery, together with, at times, feeling transcendence into a sacred union.

What I don't like is a quick wam bam thank you ma'am style of sex. Granted, when young this happened endless times and with a high libido, it's not a bad thing. But, as I aged, I found this kind of sex, well, soul-less. 

For someone who feels a physical/sexual urge and is good to go, we kinky/energetic types must seem like hard work. I acknowledge that.

Yet, there is so much to be had when the time and effort is taken to form a union that can be, not every time of course, transcendent.

I could write more about this, but evidentially there are countless posts in this journal that speak of arousal of the mind before the body, of transcendence and union, that I fear I would just be repeating myself.

What bothers me is that this sort of material - sexual types - is the sort of information that needs to be available to people. Those not of the other's sexual type, the kinky and energetic particularly, can feel like hard work, or out of the mainstream, or just plain wrong for not being able to be aroused and wanting penetration simply via some stimulation of the body, at a moment's notice.

A few years ago I wrote a draft post that I never posted and I came across it today by chance. I will publish here because it goes some way to describing what I mean. There's a certain level of devotion that an energetic sex type naturally gravitates to, I believe, because that's part of the sacred union desired. It's in line, I also think, with the notion of dominance and submission, because if that's your bent, you flourish in that sort of bond.

If your partner happens to be a sexual type, such as mine is, there can be considerable miscommunication and missteps. In such mismatched relationships, it's important that both partners do their best to accommodate the other. It's the only solution, as I see it; to incorporate both styles into the mix.

Anyway, here's what I wrote back then:

More than anything else what struck me about the meditation retreat I was on last week was the devotion of the couple running the retreat. John (I will call him) lost one of his legs to cancer over 40 years ago and uses crutches to get around. He has been with his second wife for 17 years, an attractive and slim able bodied doctor. Together, they make a formidable team and have provided assistance to thousands of people over the years looking for guidance with their cancer diagnosis, their physical pain and their emotional pain. Meditation is a big part of that plan though it is John who is the expert on that subject. Rachel (I'll call her) acknowledges that she is no great meditator despite all her practice over the years.

As the days began to meld into each other I became more and more impressed observing their relationship. There is no doubt that this is a great love affair that has no possibility of burning out. He is a courageous man, strong willed, forceful and somewhat intimidating to a person like me, but in a group he has a star quality. We all knew that we were in the presence of a very special man, a man who had studied, met and practiced under the tutelage of world spiritual leaders. We all knew that we needed to try our best; that if he, with all his ailments and challenges could achieve so much, well then what possible excuses did we have?

He had a tendency to make his way into the room, the top of the circle, when we were seated. He would get comfortable in his chair and immediately Rachel was there with the jug of water and a glass. She didn't fuss around him. He'd not have tolerated that and I'm sure she learnt that lesson many years ago, but she was at the ready with anything he might want - an umbrella when it rained, a reference, a word. She sat slightly behind him and to his right. Somehow she had worked out the balance of keeping the sessions lighter when the material got too dense at the same time as not interrupting his flow; occasionally challenging him in a way that he tolerated until there might come an occasion when he corrected her. 'Could you not cut across me...' and insisting on having the floor until his point was complete. She deferred immediately.

It was obvious that these two people knew each other's every nuance, and that over time she had managed to get a little movement, a little softening in what he would allow. In our last session together she openly praised him for his willingness to accept questions in teaching sessions, something rather new of late, it seems. At one point he talked about how easy it was for people to blame someone else, and with his dry sense of humor added 'For me, that is usually Rachel' and she immediately shot back 'And I like to take responsibility for everything so it works well'. 'Yes,' he added, 'it's a rather good arrangement actually.' Of course, we all laughed. They fit together like a hand in a well fitted leather glove.

In our final session we were asked to give our final impressions and when it was my turn, the second last person to speak I spoke, naturally enough, of the inspiration I had drawn from watching their marriage in practice. We had spoken on occasion of 'sacred love' and they embodied that, I said. I spoke from the heart and it simply had to be said.  The material, the meditation sessions, the learning, the food, the silence, were all fascinating, but the love and devotion is what really impressed me the most.

It is thought that there are two portals into the Higher Self, a sacred place; one is a particular type of meditation practice and the other is sacred love. When those elements are combined the results are mindblowing.

And there it is in black and white. I want more than the average bear. I want to be "mind blown". And now I have an excuse. I am a kinky energetic.

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