There was a moment recently when I did something I don't do. A comment was made, on reflection an infuriating, condescending, macho, 'in your face' comment. I can rise above this sort of thing, usually. But, a congruence of forces left me without that hold back and in the comment I was filled with blind rage. I could have done nearly anything in that moment.
It frightened me. I went looking for material about it on the Internet and I came across an article by a 5 feet 7 inches male academic of 140 pounds who had taken on a thief in a Spanish railway station before he could even think. He wrestled him to the ground and proudly called for backup from the crowd. No-one was interested and for a few hours he and his daughter were chased through the streets of Barcelona by a gang of thugs. In his right mind, he said, he would have let them just take the wallet, but a blind rage got the best of him.
I absolutely hate to even lose my temper for a moment let alone feel rage. It discombobulates me. I actually have to meditate. I have to do specific meditations about calming the body and meditations with healing sounds to settle my whole system down again.
I am reminded of advice today that we have a right to feel all of our feelings. Obviously, when the emotional mind takes over the thinking brain that can be dangerous, as the above anecdote illustrates. Rage, it seems, is the same sort of emotion as would have us running from a tiger. It's hard to contain that impulse. In the moment, I just reacted, without thought.
However, it happened. I wasn't exactly angry with or disappointed in myself. I mean, I do hate to have that reaction, but I recognize it for what it is, a reaction. It's a little upsetting to realize that we are all capable of reacting with such force. I wonder if the gun lobby advocates actually understand how lethal it is for someone whose emotions have overwhelmed their thinking mind to have access to a lethal weapon...
I remember distinctly what happened to my body. My head felt woozy and I had a great deal of energy. I didn't care if anybody was hearing or seeing me. I had lost any social inhibition. I needed to move about. The blood was pumping through my veins making me hot and agitated.
I knew I had to be alone. I went home and tried to return to the normal events of the day. I cooked. This helped settle me. I went to bed on time and slept soundly. The next day, I woke exhausted, got through the morning, but my afternoon I needed to lay down on the floor and listen to a guided meditation. I promptly fell asleep.
It took two days for my mind and body to recover from that one moment of overwhelming rage. I can't even begin to imagine what it is like to walk around ready to fight someone; to be full of anger and with a disposition for violence. I can't imagine being that trigger happy on a routine basis, ready to react to any slight.
I know life doesn't always go our way. I know things aren't always as they should be. But, I choose a happy disposition, a positive outlook, an ethereal, even empty headed mind. I have no idea how to live any other way.
It frightened me. I went looking for material about it on the Internet and I came across an article by a 5 feet 7 inches male academic of 140 pounds who had taken on a thief in a Spanish railway station before he could even think. He wrestled him to the ground and proudly called for backup from the crowd. No-one was interested and for a few hours he and his daughter were chased through the streets of Barcelona by a gang of thugs. In his right mind, he said, he would have let them just take the wallet, but a blind rage got the best of him.
I absolutely hate to even lose my temper for a moment let alone feel rage. It discombobulates me. I actually have to meditate. I have to do specific meditations about calming the body and meditations with healing sounds to settle my whole system down again.
I am reminded of advice today that we have a right to feel all of our feelings. Obviously, when the emotional mind takes over the thinking brain that can be dangerous, as the above anecdote illustrates. Rage, it seems, is the same sort of emotion as would have us running from a tiger. It's hard to contain that impulse. In the moment, I just reacted, without thought.
However, it happened. I wasn't exactly angry with or disappointed in myself. I mean, I do hate to have that reaction, but I recognize it for what it is, a reaction. It's a little upsetting to realize that we are all capable of reacting with such force. I wonder if the gun lobby advocates actually understand how lethal it is for someone whose emotions have overwhelmed their thinking mind to have access to a lethal weapon...
I remember distinctly what happened to my body. My head felt woozy and I had a great deal of energy. I didn't care if anybody was hearing or seeing me. I had lost any social inhibition. I needed to move about. The blood was pumping through my veins making me hot and agitated.
I knew I had to be alone. I went home and tried to return to the normal events of the day. I cooked. This helped settle me. I went to bed on time and slept soundly. The next day, I woke exhausted, got through the morning, but my afternoon I needed to lay down on the floor and listen to a guided meditation. I promptly fell asleep.
It took two days for my mind and body to recover from that one moment of overwhelming rage. I can't even begin to imagine what it is like to walk around ready to fight someone; to be full of anger and with a disposition for violence. I can't imagine being that trigger happy on a routine basis, ready to react to any slight.
I know life doesn't always go our way. I know things aren't always as they should be. But, I choose a happy disposition, a positive outlook, an ethereal, even empty headed mind. I have no idea how to live any other way.
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