This is a slightly annoying situation because the facts are that I enjoy reading through and looking at the pictures on those sites. Without 'following' those sites I invariably lose track of them, which is such a pity. I am instinctively incredibly aroused by them, even when my intellectual mind tells me that they are offensive. In fact, nothing turns me on quite as fast as these photographs and statements, which confuses even me at times.
Getting into that 'fucktoy' state of mind is liberating for me because it gives me access to my slutty side without having to worry about the possible repercussions of those sites and mindsets in the real world; without having to worry about anyone being hurt by them. I can savour thoughts of being treated in this way myself; a mindless toy, always ready for use.
In the same way that I am not always the 'fucktoy', most men who want a fucktoy in their lives don't want to behave like a 'doll owner' all the time, and this is what separates fact and fiction. Appetites are stronger sometimes than others and attention is sometimes drawn away to other goals and responsibilities. Life carries on. Still, under the surface these predilections remain and can be drawn upon effortlessly when the circumstances of life are in line.
Most men understand that even women inclined to 'fucktoy' sensibilities are multi-dimensional beings who carry their share of responsibilities, duties, worries and preoccupations. I'd not be at all surprised to discover that the authors of these 'feminism is what is wrong with the world' sites are actually sensible men who instinctively know that they are turning women like me on in droves. (Even so, I can't follow them. Sigh.)
Perhaps it's the training, which from the outset ensured that I never used words like 'Master' or 'slave', but I just don't like these honorifics at all. It strikes me as quite false to use them, because if the relationship is such that one knows one's role and status, there's absolutely no need for this sort of thing. If it is a turn on, then, of course, fine, but I've not found it to turn me on at all.What is a turn on for me is the fact that it is understood that I need to forego my womanhood in order to rescue 'the slut' and the mindless sex toy who enjoys debasement. It's all a bit silly to suggest that I need direction in all aspects of my life when I simply do not need that direction. I'm already goal-driven. I need help to be goal-less.
When we become a doll, or a slave, or whatever language you want to use for the state of grace when we give ourselves to another to transform according to their will, it's a form of acceptance - acceptance of ourselves in whatever state or appearance; a deep love shared. We take off any masks we have been wearing for others out there and we reveal ourselves as to what is at our core.
It's interesting to me that sometimes as parents we are asked to perform the same kind of 'magic' for our children, to love them unconditionally and to accept them for who they are. Unfortunately, parents so often, perhaps just subliminally, lace their love with some conditions as to performance, and I think this is where it can get confusing for children. There are standards of behaviour, of course, but we are all who we are, at our core, and this must be recognized, acknowledged, and accepted by those people who have borne us. Life is so much easier this way.
As soon as we can reveal ourselves to someone, a lover (as in the person who loves us), we begin to relax and to feel at home with ourselves. This is exactly what a child requires of a parent. We are who we are and who we are is deserving of love by those with whom we have the closest bond. It is all about love. Always.
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