The reason why Shakespeare has endured through the generations is that he was a master at understanding the many faces of people; the public face and the private face. He shows us Julius Caesar, for example, as a great Emperor; brave and strong. Caesar is acutely aware of his public image and even amongst friends he doesn't let his guard down. In Act 2, Scene 2 we see a different side to Caesar; a man afraid of the thunder and lightening. He is a mortal with fears.
When Calpurnia, his wife, arrives on the scene she does not speak full of deference for him. She doesn't refer to him as 'My Lord' but rather banters back and forth with him 'as a wife'. She has an opinion (that he should not go to the Senate that day) and she doesn't pussy foot around about sharing it with him. He is prepared to acquiesce to her until Decius convinces him that Calpurnia interpreted her dream incorrectly and then off Caesar goes to his death.
I was thinking about this scene this morning when it occurred to me that the sort of sex we have in a power exchange sort of way is perhaps more formal or more 'the public face' than the private face. We're more likely to say "Yes, Sir" than "Yes, husband". We're more likely to recognize that one person has the authority over the other than the sort of sexual encounter we might have where we are two people making love to one another; equals.
As Shakespeare knew hundreds of years ago, we have more than one face. We all need to show our vulnerabilities, our weaknesses, our fears and worries to the other. If the public world demands that we show no weakness, for fear of being vanquished, then at home with our beloved, we need to show him or her other aspects of our personality. This is what it is to be human and no agreed dynamic between two people can work satisfactorily if we aren't prepared to sometimes change roles: for the leader to show vulnerability or for the follower to come up with the strength to see them both through on a rough day. This is life.
Yet, I confess, I am who I am and I consistently seek opportunities to feel 'the gain' that comes from the power exchange dynamic. I don't look to lead overall. Like Calpurnia, if I feel strongly enough, I'll make my claim as to the fitness of things, but I don't want control and feel restless with control. I want to be led and never more than in the process of making love. For whatever reason I want to feel the poor Maiden at the mercy of the tyrannical Dark Lord.
When Calpurnia, his wife, arrives on the scene she does not speak full of deference for him. She doesn't refer to him as 'My Lord' but rather banters back and forth with him 'as a wife'. She has an opinion (that he should not go to the Senate that day) and she doesn't pussy foot around about sharing it with him. He is prepared to acquiesce to her until Decius convinces him that Calpurnia interpreted her dream incorrectly and then off Caesar goes to his death.
I was thinking about this scene this morning when it occurred to me that the sort of sex we have in a power exchange sort of way is perhaps more formal or more 'the public face' than the private face. We're more likely to say "Yes, Sir" than "Yes, husband". We're more likely to recognize that one person has the authority over the other than the sort of sexual encounter we might have where we are two people making love to one another; equals.
As Shakespeare knew hundreds of years ago, we have more than one face. We all need to show our vulnerabilities, our weaknesses, our fears and worries to the other. If the public world demands that we show no weakness, for fear of being vanquished, then at home with our beloved, we need to show him or her other aspects of our personality. This is what it is to be human and no agreed dynamic between two people can work satisfactorily if we aren't prepared to sometimes change roles: for the leader to show vulnerability or for the follower to come up with the strength to see them both through on a rough day. This is life.
Yet, I confess, I am who I am and I consistently seek opportunities to feel 'the gain' that comes from the power exchange dynamic. I don't look to lead overall. Like Calpurnia, if I feel strongly enough, I'll make my claim as to the fitness of things, but I don't want control and feel restless with control. I want to be led and never more than in the process of making love. For whatever reason I want to feel the poor Maiden at the mercy of the tyrannical Dark Lord.
Hello again :)
ReplyDeleteI echo Susan's delight at reading your thoughts here once more. What a lovely surprise!
I believe that power exchange relationships require more communication and better quality communication than vanilla relationships as much more can be "read into" certain responses due to the behavioural expectations of both parties. This implies that both sides share all of themselves including vulnerabilities as to do anything less would undermine trust and weaken the bond that is essential in allowing the dynamic to flourish.
Just as we have safe words during play that allow a break in proceedings there must be an ability for either player to call "time out" so that essential matters can be discussed as equals. I perhaps wouldn't see these as different faces but simply another level of connection that recognises that each has a role to play that goes beyond the confines of the D/s environment.
ReplyDeleteRollymo: I think we are agreeing with one another but using different words. I would add that my prevailing thought that morning was that a man has many faces. For example, he can be a fundamentally good and loving husband; a gentleman. I can't imagine someone dominating me satisfactorily who was NOT a gentleman. Yet, in bed it is the honest truth that I rarely want the gentleman. I know underneath he is that gentleman, but in terms of his behavior I really do want the dark Lord. I want the challenge and I want the insistence that I serve him; do his bidding. This thrills me to the core. For me, it never grows old. It is 'the gain'; the energy on which I depend.